This isn't in my usual blogging style, but I wrote a recap of last night's Real Housewives of Miami to submit for a potential writing position on Reality Tea, so I figured, why let it go to waste? I found that writing with a stricter format is, naturally, more challenging for me, especially in an hour-long show that jumps back and forth a lot. Plus, the recap was supposed to be limited to around 550 words. Mine was around 675, but it was too hard to cut anything else out. I mean, what's an extra 125 words if they're highly entertaining and hilarious, right? Wish me luck!
The Recap:
Lizards and bunnies and pig roasts – oh, my! This week's "Real Housewives of Miami" was filled with all creatures, great and small, along with the usual dose of Housewife cattiness.
Larsa, in a misguided attempt at good parenting, passed out reptiles like they're $10 bills. Neither she nor Scottie is too keen on the idea of caring for the little guys, however, so naturally, the job is delegated to the nannies. "They're still not dead, so it's cute," Larsa said, referring to her sons' pets, but I wasn't entirely convinced she was talking about the animals and not her hired help. Furthering the dead animal theme, the Echeverrias decided to host a pig roast, so Alexia strapped on her "casual" heels for a trip to the farm with Herman and her sons. Unfortunately, she forgot to wear her Louis Vuitton nose plugs, so the smell of swine in the morning put a damper on the outing.
Meanwhile, Marysol and Philippe sat down for what could have been either a nice business meeting or perhaps a marriage proposal, but it was hard to tell by the couple's demeanor. Philippe had taken all the traditional steps in preparing for an engagement: asking his bride-to-be's father for her "hands," buying a large piece of jewelry from her mother, and, presumably, rehearsing his heartfelt emotions over and over until they became almost robotic in delivery. Would it kill him to sound a little more convincing when comparing his fiancée to an industrial operation?
We were treated to a brief glimpse into Lea's personal style, or lack thereof, during a shopping excursion with friends. But friends don't let friends dress like Lady Gaga meets Blanche Devereaux, so a BFF Lourdes is not. Surprisingly, Lea chose an outfit of basic black for the pig roast, but boring attire didn't stop her from expressing herself in other ways. From her shock and disgust at the main course to her lack of faith in Marysol's relationship, Lea, with some help from her Pinot Noir, was not holding back.
A little snark wasn't enough to deter Marysol from her plans to elope, however, so her mom paid a visit to help her choose a dress for the pending nuptials. Though it appeared as if Elsa had been lured to Marysol's home under the guise of receiving free food, she was more than happy to dole out compliments (and dire warnings to avoid "r-r-rolling down" the mountain), despite the fact that she has lost count of the number of times her daughter has been married. When Marysol finally arrived in Aspen and the moment of truth was at hand, she openly expressed a bit of hesitation at committing to a lifetime with her "cheri." If matching sweaters and sweet nothings whispered during après-ski can't convince her, I don't know what can. Let's just hope, at least for the sake of Philippe's green card, that the third time's the charm for Marysol.
Alexia and Cristy, AKA Barbie and Skipper, showed their support of the Miami fashion community by lending their fabulous bods to a local designer for an upcoming show. Alexia looked amazing in the gowns she tried on. Cristy, on the other hand, could have used a little more fabric and a little less maraca. Before you could say "arriba," Cristy was off to lunch with an old friend, ready to proclaim Lea "The Tackiest of Them All." Her fashion choices may raise eyebrows, but Lea proved that she can be honest and caring (with a requisite dash of abrasiveness) during her heart-to-heart with Adriana. Financial hardships, ex-husband woes, and spats with her fiancé have initiated Adriana into the School of Hard Knocks, but with Lea by her side, she'll be able to see past the brim of that floppy hat and into her bright future in no time.
Though we're already more than halfway through this short, six-episode season of "The Real Housewives of Miami," they've packed quite a punch so far. Do you agree that good things come in small packages, or are you left wanting more from our spicy ladies?
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