Teen Mom 2: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

We got to share a national holiday with the moms and their families this week. As fireworks exploded over unwed mothers everywhere, I diligently took notes so that I could present you with The Good, The Bad and The Ugly from this week's episode. And while you're reading, don't forget to hover over the pictures for a good time.

The Good:

• Chelsea's dad, Randy. This man is a saint -- a saint with a wallet full of hundred-dollar bills! What does this man do for a living, and is he hiring? Maybe Randy's financial support of Chelsea is a little over-the-top, but there's no question of how much he loves his daughter and granddaughter. If he wants to show it by handing out hundreds like they're Kleenex, who am I to criticize?

• Leah & Corey's new beginning. Leah and Corey are what I'd imagine Catelynn and Tyler would have been like had they not given Carly up for adoption. Sure, their "defining the relationship" discussion wasn't in the most mature terms ("You call me your girlfriend and I call you my boyfriend?") and their bowling skills leave much to be desired, but these two are wise beyond their years. Leah, you might not think that your belly was big enough for Ali, but your heart and your mind have more than enough room to give those twins a wonderful life.

• The part of Chelsea that thinks she "shouldn't take Adam back or even talk to him." The kid called your daughter a mistake and you a stretch-mark bitch. I know you want your child to have two parents, but is it really worth opening the door to that kind of abuse again? Listen to that little angel on your shoulder!
  

The Bad:

• Jenelle's voice-overs. Who writes this crap? It's obvious that the girls are reading a script when they do narrations, but when she said, "Finding a job is gonna be really hard, and, on top of that, I have to get ready for college and babysit Jace," I almost fell off the couch. I'm pretty sure it's not called babysitting when it's your own child. Here's another gem: "With everything I want to do with my life right now, I'm starting to realize my mom might be in a better position to take care of Jace." What, pray tell, does Jenelle want to do with her life other than smoke marijuana and go on Wal-Mart shopping sprees?

• Barbara. At first I thought Jenelle's mom was doing the right thing by taking custody of Jace. Then I realized that this is probably all part of Barbara's grand plan to trick her teen daughter into getting pregnant, steal the baby from her, raise him as her own and...take over the world? Whatever the case, Barbara is just a little too happy to assume the mothering duties from Jenelle. And the fact that she won't let Jenelle take him anywhere seems strange, too. As much as I don't sympathize with Jenelle's horrible parenting, after seeing her wacky mom and then hearing about how her father essentially abandoned her when she was young, I can understand why she may not be the most stable person out there.

• Janet & Eddie's ultimatum. I find it hard to believe that super-mom-in-law's requirement that Kailyn not date while living under her roof is actually a rule that stems from having her grandson's best interest at heart. Rather, it seems like a mama bear not wanting her baby bear to be scorned. Hey, it's Janet's house, and she has been more than gracious to Kailyn so far, but forcing her to move out just because she's dating someone other than Jo seems counterproductive. Instead, maybe she should focus her energy on getting Jo to take the cigarette out from behind his ear, stop talking out of only one side of his mouth and help out with the daddy duties a bit more.

The Ugly:

• Jo. You know where I'm going with this. Jo, playing arcade basketball with his brother, having a profanity-laden conversation about how Kailyn doesn't deserve to live in "his" house. Apparently, she "don't pay for shit, don't do nuttin'" and is "completely disrespectful." Hmm...can we say pot calling the kettle black?

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• When Leah pondered what Ali's problem was, all I could think was, "Girl, don't you have the Internet?" I would have Googled that stuff six ways from Sunday, beginning with "baby's leg looks like a frog leg."

Quotable quotes:

• "The meal of people who move out" - Randy, referring to Chelsea's habit of eating Ramen Noodles

"The Ultimatum": Good, Bad, Ugly

This Thursday, "The Office" returned not with a whimper, but not what I would consider a bang, either. I'm not going to recap the entire episode, so if you haven't seen it, you should get on that. Instead, I'm going to share with you what I considered to be the good, the bad and the ugly from the episode, otherwise known as the gummy worms, the gummy bears and the...black licorice? "Otherwise-otherwise known as a living, breathing angel." Okay, let's get on with it. *Hover over the pictures for an added bonus*

The Good:

• Michael & Erin. These two need to start fighting crime together. I doubt they would ever actually catch a criminal, but they have a dynamic that Michael & his "solid seven," Pam, never had. I love that they think on the same level, as juvenile as it may be ("snot," anyone?), and it's clear that they care deeply about each other as well. I hope that when Michael & Holly end up together, it doesn't take a toll on his relationship with the lovable redhead (brunette?). At the very least, we need another champagne-spraying, Kelly Clarkson dance party (prerecorded Michael is optional).

• Darryl. The writers gave him some great one-liners in this episode, and I think Craig Robinson pulled them off perfectly. Despite the fact that wanting to eat a PB&J on the way to the bookstore was a lame excuse to bring Dwight & Andy along for the ride AND the fact that these guys spent their entire work day at a bookstore and a rollerskating rink (I guess when Michael Scott is your boss, you can get away with some things), I liked this subplot and thought that Darryl really shined. I laughed out loud when he was shocked to the point of cursing at the realization that the e-reader can hold not 10 but 10 thousand books. Darryl is level-headed enough to be believable ("The day shift at a strip club? You can't un-see that") but relaxed enough to allow for some entertaining story-lines. No one can replace Michael Scott, but if someone has to, Darryl would be my top choice. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he was right when he said 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

• Creed. I thought "The Ultimatum" showcased Creed's quirkiness perfectly. The fact that his resolution was to do a cartwheel but he was having trouble motivating? Genius. His reaction when Erin one-upped him? Priceless. His tombstone should read, "Here lies Creed Bratton. Genius. Priceless." Oh, wait -- his tombstone is already made, thank you.

• Gabe trying (and failing) to intercept the Sabre frisbee. I love that character immensely. See how I did that, Erin?

The Bad:

• The cold open. After weeks of absence, I was hoping "The Office" would come back stronger, but this opening just didn't hit the spot. Though it had its good points (John Krasinski looking adorable in sweater & scarf, the back of the Knights' shirts reading "we are unarmed"), the cold open came off almost like a game of flashlight tag -- slightly nerdy and not at all exciting.
• Pam's resolution board. It couldn't hold a candle to Sue's construction-paper wonder at Vance Refrigeration. Plus, I'm tired of the writers waffling between putting Pam in a place of empowerment and making her a Debbie Downer for whom nothing ever goes right. She ventured out on her own to art school...and then dropped out. She tried to make it as a salesperson and failed. She needs Dwight Shrute to stop her child from reverse cycling. Now she has strong-armed Gabe into creating this role of Office Administrator, but the only things she's done with the position are landed herself in a war of wits with Dwight (and won only because of his essential surrender) and tried, unsuccessfully, to motivate her coworkers with preschool craft time. I'd really like to see Pam achieve something legitimately for once. Another Michael Scott replacement candidate, possibly?

• Jim's absence. I know these things happen because of actors' movie schedules, but it's still weird to me that Jim is conspicuously absent from the entire episode. Something tells me that Kevin would not have been force-fed broccoli had Jim been there to stop it. Which leads me to...

The Ugly:

• The broccoli scene. I know many people considered this hilarious. I personally couldn't handle it. Not only was it awkward and stretched out way too long, I just can't fathom that Kevin has never seen broccoli before. Is this the same guy that prides himself on his chili recipe and has "cooked his way through Julia Child"? Surely he can't be this misinformed or foreign to all things green and leafy. While I'm all for a good gag once in a while, I think "The Office" walks a fine line between silliness and believability, and, in my opinion, the broccoli stunt just crossed into "too silly to be funny" territory.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• Phyllis went to Portugal over Christmas break?
• When Amy Ryan un-mittened her hands, I totally thought they were fake! I was expecting Holly to drop her prosthetic arms and show a real hand with a ring on it. I don't know if it was the way she was holding all her fingers together or the coloring of her skin or what, but they just looked plastic to me.
• Did Greek Gods have rollerskates?
  

Quotable quotes:

• "If she's engaged, I'm going to go crazy and I'm going to start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness."
• "My resolution? Never to make Holly cry again...unless it's from laughing too hard or making love too beautifully."

What did you think of "The Ultimatum"?

Dissed by Rob & Kristen

Last night, I received an insider tip from the in-the-know Twilight fan, Rachel Sokol, that stars of the Saga were rumored to be appearing at the 6:20 IMAX show at the AMC Century City in Los Angeles. Since Doreen and I just HAPPEN to be in L.A. approximately five miles from this theater, and I just HAPPEN to really like the Twilight series, we bought tickets for the show. When you buy tickets through AMC's website, you can actually choose your seats ahead of time, much like buying for a concert or sporting event. There wasn't much of a selection left -- two seats, eight apart, in the front row or a multitude of seats near the back of the theater. Since I was expecting an Omnimax-like setup, I knew the front row wouldn't be ideal for movie-watching, but it'd probably be better if the stars actually showed up as promised. So I went with the front row seats and hoped for the best.

Doreen and I headed out to Century City Westfield this afternoon and did some shopping/browsing while waiting for 6:20 to roll around. When we finally got into the theater, we took our seats, and I started to chat with some other enthusiastic girls sitting next to me. The one girl said she heard people saying it would be Robert Pattinson doing the appearance since he's currently in town filming "Water for Elephants." I commented that I'd love to see Rob, but I hoped that if he came, he wouldn't come with Kristen Stewart. If you've read any of my Facebook posts, you know of my distaste for this particular actress, but I also knew that if she was there, there would be little chance of any interaction with the fans or any substance to the visit. Kristen is notorious for dissing Twilight fans and acting totally unappreciative of any attention she gets, so I knew it'd be bad news if she showed up.

Before the movie began, a theater employee addressed the audience, saying that it was in fact true that Twilight stars would be visiting, but she could not confirm who it would be AND they wouldn't come until after the movie was over. Seriously -- two more hours wondering who was going to show up? We pretty much knew at this point it would be Rob, though, because she mentioned that the stars weren't coming until the movie was finished because of a "scheduling conflict."

So, two hours, a few shirtless wolves, sappy sections of dialogue, and strange vampire accents later, the credits rolled and the black-suited security guys began lining the aisles of the theater. The same lady from the beginning of the night came back and asked us to welcome Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! While Doreen frantically struggled with her Flip camera, trying to take a video, I snapped away on my camera, trying to get at least one good picture of Rob. Unfortunately, even though we were in the front row, there was an aisle directly behind us that separated us from the rest of the theater, and of course THAT'S where they were led in for their brief -- very brief -- address to the crowd. In between looking through my view finder and getting yelled at by a security guard to "calm down" (I scooted over to an empty seat next to me to try to get a better picture), all I really noticed was that Rob was wearing an ugly jacket and had a bad haircut, but that Kristen's new hair color looked nice. I really have no idea what they said or what Rob really looks like up close because I was too focused on trying to get a picture and it was all over in the blink of an eye. Before the movie, one of the audience members asked if the cast members would be able to sign autographs or take pictures. The lady responded that she wasn't sure and it depended on the stars' "moods." Well, we all know what kind of mood Kristen is usually in, so the power couple was literally in and out of the theater in less than one minute. Rob did sign someone's something-or-other on his way out, but overall it was a pretty disappointing experience.

When we were exiting the theater, I asked a few of the girls coming out behind me what they thought of the whole thing. They said, "If it were Rob and anyone OTHER than Kristen, they probably would have stayed a lot longer." My sentiments exactly! It pretty much felt like a tease. Yes, I suppose I was within one foot of the back of Robert Pattinson's head, which is pretty cool, but it would have been nice if they could have been at least a little more kind to the crowd. There were probably 100 people, max, in the theater -- how hard would it have been to indulge them in some autographs or a few pictures? And even if they didn't want to go that far -- couldn't they have at least said more than, "Thanks for coming to the show"? I blame it all on Kristen because, well, she sucks. And Doreen made a good point by saying, isn't it a waste of THEIR time as well to make it so in-and-out? They come all the way there and go through the hassle of being ushered in by security guards only to breeze right back out? Lame.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm glad I went and had this experience, however unsatisfying it may have been, but I'm looking forward to our trip to the set of "Dexter" tomorrow where I hope we get a little more love from some of our favorite people!

Glee to Me

I started watching Glee a week or two ago. The first episode I watched in full was the Madonna episode, only because Hulu didn't have any of the earlier episodes posted. After watching that one and the following ep. with Kristen Chenowith, I was hooked. I ordered the Season One, Volume One DVDs so I wouldn't have to buy all of the episodes from iTunes that aren't on Hulu, and the rest is history.

After watching through the first 13 episodes on DVD and then returning to iTunes and Hulu to fill in the blanks, I'm almost caught up with this season. I just have the Doogie Howser episode yet to watch. I still like the show, but I have to say that I find a lot of it unnecessarily cheesy and annoying. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order, about Glee.

-Finn: After watching him chase Rachel through the library in the Madonna episode, I had an immediate crush. He's cute, and he looked even cuter when he was singing. But now that I've seen him scrunch his eyebrows together through 18 episodes and basically amount to a huge, indecisive airhead, the crush has faded.

-Emma: I hate this character. I like her outfits, but that's about it. From her voice to her obsessive cleaning rituals they try to play off as endearing, I find pretty much everything about her annoying. I think we are supposed to be rooting for her and Will, but it bothers me that she was putting the moves on him even before he was separated from Terri. Yes, Terri was a deceptive beeyotch who treated Will like crap, but that still didn't make me sympathize with the Emma situation. Also, her "engagement" to Ken was a really stupid plotline.

-Sue Sylvester: probably the best part of the show. I want to watch the show with a pen and paper so I can write down every quotable quote that comes out of her mouth. I also love the scenes between her and her sister in the nursing home. Guy informed me that the actress who plays Sue is a regular in Christopher Guest movies, so that makes me curious as to how much of what she says is ad-libbed...which makes me love her even more.

-Quinn: Now that she's pregnant, she's suddenly Miss Congeniality? Sorry, but I don't think someone who was on a horse as high as hers can be brought back down to earth as easily as they have made it out to be.

-Artie: First of all, I thought he was giving the cupcake money to buy handicap ramps at the school, but in the episode where they go to sectionals, there he is getting on the special bus. His mode of transportation is the least of my worries, though. I don't mind his participation in the choreographed dance numbers because at least he doesn't look sorely out of place, but when the kids have an impromptu jam session in the choir room, it's always so awkward to see him just sitting there. In one of the most recent episodes I watched, all of the other Glee kids were having a dance-off to "Ice Ice Baby," and they just left Artie sitting there and shaking his arms a little bit. The absolute worst Artie situation, though, was when they did the mattress commercial and he was just sitting in the background with a piece of posterboard that said "Jump." I know I'm borderline Sue Sylvester insensitive when I say it, but it was painful to watch.

-Santana: Eye candy and that's about it. When they finally let her sing a solo with Mercedes in "The Boy is Mine," I realized why it had taken them so long to let her sing on her own.

-Kurt - love everything about him. Every episode that features him prominently, whether it was the Single Ladies one, the one where he sang Defying Gravity, or the one I just watched with Rose's Turn, is always a fun hour of television. Plus, I like the scenes between him and Mike O'Malley.

The show in general is almost always enj0yable to watch, and it's especially good to exercise to (lots of skinny girls to envy, plus musical numbers to keep things upbeat), but one thing I'm confused about is how much time supposedly lapses between each episode. When I originally watched the Madonna episode with Jesse St. James, I thought he would have been introduced to the show much earlier than the prior episode. In the end, Glee definitely has its flaws -- it's no Seinfeld or LOST -- but the bottom line is that it's entertaining, and for that reason alone, I'll keep tuning in.

And now, the Villains

Jerri Manthey: Again?? Yes, Jerri is well known for her villainous act of lying about some guy having a granola bar in his backpack and consequently having him voted off, but what else has she really done? She has already played in two seasons (Australia and All Stars), and it seems pretty unnecessary to have her back again. I think the only purpose is to have the Jerri/Colby plot line again, but let's hope they don't waste too much time on that one.

Tyson Apostol: He appeared on the Tocantins season, and that's all I can say about that.

Randy Bailey: Again, another supposed villain I know nothing about. He was on the Gabon season. Fill me in if you think he's deserving of his spot on this tribe.

Danielle DiLorenzo: Danielle and her breasts that double as life preservers was the runner up on Survivor: Panama. Other than her way-too-symmetrical-to-be-real chest, I remember she was extremely annoying and I didn't even want to watch the finale because I couldn't care less if she or Aras won the grand prize. How she fell into the Villains category remains to be seen.

Russell Hantz: I didn't watch him last season, but I hope he sticks around long enough to live up to the hype that surrounds him as the most evil Survivor player of all time.

Boston Rob Mariano: Yes, he was a schmuck for proposing to Amber on the season finale of All Stars, but he is definitely up there with Jonny Fairplay as one of the biggest Survivor villains of all time. I'll become a hypocrite and not be annoyed that he's already played this game twice just because I hope he'll be so entertaining to watch. I also hope he and Amber are still together. Anyone know the answer to that?

Parvati Shallow: This girl literally makes me sick. Again, I say? Parvati has done nothing but flirt her way to the top for way more than her deserved number of days on the island in the past, and bringing her back again just seems pointless. She is a reality-TV whore and will never make anything of herself without her appearances on these shows, much like the casts of MTV challenge shows, so I'm really hoping she'll be kicked off at the beginning of the season. I also just can't stand to hear Jeff mispronounce her name for another thirteen episodes.

Sandra Diaz-Twine: Sandra was funny during her run on the Pearl Islands, I'll give her that. I think she also may have spied on people in the bushes and maybe done a bit of backstabbing, but a villain? Not really. She definitely wasn't villainous enough to deter the jury from giving her a million dollars. Her appearance this season could go either way for me.

Benjamin Wade, aka Coach: I've heard this name thrown around quite a bit in the Survivor world, but I can't say I know much about him. He appeared on Survivor Brazil, and I already like him better than Parvati!

Courtney Yates: Survivor: Heroes vs. Bitches would be a better title for a season in which Courtney is included. She is still just as disgustingly skinny as she was on Survivor: China and probably just as bitchy, if not more.

So, there you have it,-- the cast of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains. Will you be watching when it premieres on February 11th?

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains

I haven't watched a full season of Survivor since Fans vs. Favorites. I stuck with it from Season 2 up to that point, but I just couldn't commit myself to an hour of television every week that was basically the same every season. However, when I heard they were doing a Heroes vs. Villains season, I knew I might have to watch. They finally revealed the cast, and I have to say, I'm a little disappointed with who they're bringing back. Some of the people have played the game three times already! Here are the cast members, along with my thoughts on them.

Heroes:
-Colby Donaldson - appeared on Season 2, The Australian Outback, and Survivor All Stars, as well as a few Gillette commercials, I do believe. Colby was kicked out relatively early in All Stars, so even though this is his third time on the show, I feel like I wouldn't mind seeing more of him this season.

-Rupert Boneham - appeared on Pearl Islands and All Stars. Rupert won $1 million for being America's favorite back when he was on the All Star season, but I think I read that he burned through it pretty quickly, so I'm not surprised to see him back. I'm also not surprised to see that he doesn't appear to have shaved or showered since then, though he has lost some weight.

J.T. Thomas Jr. - never heard of him. Apparently he was on Survivor: Tocantins and won. I honestly don't like the idea of previous winners being allowed back. They'll be voted off almost immediately for the pure fact that they've won, and if they've made it to the end of the show once, haven't we seen enough of them already?

James Clement, aka the Grave Digger - James is about the size of a Monster Truck and as dumb as one, too. This will be his third run at the Sole Survivor title. What I remember most about him is having to read way too many subtitles while watching because of never being able to understand what he is saying.

Tom Westman - Tom was the All-American fireman on the Palau season, and he breaks my rule of not having any previous winners back for a second round. The only thing he has going for him, in my opinion, is that this is only his second time on the show, so I won't mind seeing him in the spotlight again.

Cirie Fields - Cirie is hilarious - no doubt about it. She always has something witty to say in her confessionals, but this is her third time on Survivor. If she whines and complains about dirt and bugs this time, I might reach through the television and strangle her.

Stephenie LaGrossa - Stephenie was amazing during her run on the Palau season, but her novelty wore off when she made it to the runner-up position in the next season in Guatemala. She's already had her second chance at the million. Maybe third time's a charm for her, but I would have rather seen her spot filled with someone with a less annoying accent.

Jessica Kiper - known as Sugar, Jessica appeared on the Gabon season, and I know nothing about her other than I think she cried a lot. Doesn't sound very heroic to me.

Amanda Kimmel - If there's any one person they could have chosen for this season that would have made me NOT want to watch it, it's Amanda. Not only is she pathetic and boring, but she's been to the final Tribal Council TWICE (in China and Micronesia) and could not pull off a win. See what I mean? Pathetic. And if she latches onto another guy this season and he professes his love for her at the jury's questioning, I think I might puke in an envelope and mail it to her as my way of saying thanks.

Candice Woodcock - I really don't remember much about Candice from her season in Cook Islands. The only thing I vaguely remember is when she boldly decided to switch tribes and was upset when Jonathan Penner (who I like much, much better than her) followed suit. She seems like a "uh-oh, no one else will participate" kind of choice rather than a true hero of Survivor's past 19 season.

That about sums up the heroes. Stay tuned for a post on the Villains since this one is getting a bit long.

I Laugh at Weird Things

I've been told I have a weird sense of humor, but I have to say, I keep myself pretty entertained. Here's a dialogue I just had with Guy that made me laugh. See if it strikes your fancy the same way it struck mine!

Me: Was that your phone getting text messages?

Guy: When?

Me: I dunno, a while ago.

Guy: Probably. I got two texts a little while ago.

Me: Who dey from?

Guy: My brother.

Me: What'd he want?

Guy: He wanted to know the name of the fat band leader from...Bethel Park.

The end. I don't know why that made me laugh, but it did.