P.T. 2000

When I was in middle school, I entered a competition called Invention Convention, which is basically what its name describes -- a convention where kids bring their inventions and are judged on their creativity, usefulness, and all that jazz. When I signed up to do Invention Convention, I don't think that I had any world-changing, life-altering thing in mind to invent. I think I just wanted an easy day off of school. As a result of my lacksidasical attitude, I brought to the I.C. the simplest invention I could think of -- The P.T. 2000. The concept was for it to be a pet translator. You would put this contraption on your pet's head, and somehow it would translate whatever your pet was thinking into English. At its roots, the P.T. 2000 was a glorified baseball hat. I don't think I even tried to create a translator screen or showcase different sizes for hamsters or Great Danes. I took an old hat, stuck a label on it, and cashed in my
get-out-of-school-free card.

Needless to say, I was awarded no prize for my so-called invention that day. I mean, how could any judge award a blue ribbon to a pink and yellow baseball hat with an index card slapped on it when some young Rube Goldberg has shown up with a robot that calculates the air pressure while making scrambled eggs and doing the rhumba? I was a loser from the get-go, but ten years later, after giving it much thought, I still contend that if it could be done, it'd be pretty dang sweet to know what your pet is thinking.