Survivor: China

So, season 3,598 of Survivor begins on September 20th, coming from the mysterious country of China. I'm really debating whether or not to continue my loyalty to Survivor this season. Though last season was salvaged by the antics of Yao Man, the whole format (no matter how hard they try to change it) is getting kind of boring to me, especially because the winner usually ends up being someone that I don't like. However, for some unknown reason, I feel guilty giving up on a show I've watched for so long, so in order to give myself some incentive to watch, or at least keep up with blogs on the show, I'm going to do something I've never done before -- make predictions on the order of the ousted. I don't normally like making predictions like this because, well, I'm just not a good guesser, but I'm bored, so I'll give it a shot. Here goes, in order from first person voted off to winner:
1. Todd, the gay Mormon
He thinks the Spice Girls are the most significant historical event of the past 100 years. He should be voted off the planet for that one.
2. Courtney, the New York waitress
I think she thinks she's tougher than she really is.
3. Denise, the mullet-sporting karate woman
She may be strong, but I just can't see her fitting in with the crowd
4. Jaime, the cute blonde
I just don't like cute blondes.
5. Jean-Robert, the professional poker player
He may have a good poker face, but Vegas is nothing like being stranded in China.
6. Peih-Gee, the jeweler
She probably only lasts this long because no one could figure out how to spell her name to put down on the parchment.
7. Sherea, the elementary school teacher
She just looks like a good choice for number seven -- good enough to fly under the radar up until this point.
8. Erik, the...I don't know...I can't see anything past his curly hair.
I think this guy's ego might get in the way.
9. Leslie, the token Christian
She auditioned 11 times to finally make it on the show, but I think her time will be up at number 9.
10. Chicken -- yes, that's only a nickname.
People will start to see him as a shoe-in for the win and get him out of there before he can say cock-a-doodle-doo.
11. James, the gravedigger
He might be the outsider at this point, so it's just his time to go.
12. Amanda, the hiking guide
She may not be the first choice, but the first choice might get immunity, forcing votes for her.
13. Dave, the former model -- that's the best title he could give himself?
I have nothing to say to you, Dave.
14. Aaron, the surfer dude.
I think Frosti will win the final immunity and choose to go against Ashley.
15. Ashley, the WWE diva
and that makes the winner of Survivor:China, according to my illogical methods none other than Frosti the Snowman. I think he'll finally be able to to afford a new silk hat with the million-dollar prize.

So there you have it. Let's follow along and see how wrong I am!

The Long-awaited Florence message #2

Guy got a new laptop and finally was able to record the second message from the infamous Florence. To listen to it and see our artistic representation of what we think she looks like, go here.

Rage Against the Machine

Peters Township Library is consistently ranked among the best libraries in Pennsylvania, yet not only do I get the urge to poop every time I enter the place (seriously), I consistently leave there feeling unsatisfied. And the lack of satisfaction isn't due to the fact that I never actually poop while I'm there, but mainly it's related to my beef with the library's DVD section. I went there today to get Borat, which the card catalog told me was available, but I left empty-handed (well, aside from the book I had on hold). You might be saying, "Your library has Borat? You should be happy they even stock current releases." Nay, my friend. Going to the library to get a current release that is supposedly there, then being told it would be impossible to find is even worse. Here's the deal -- I go directly to the DVD section and look through shelves of poorly alphabetized cases, all the way from A to Z, only to realize Borat is missing from the collection. I do another search of the card catalog to make sure it hasn't been checked out since I last searched around 1:30 at work. It says there should be one copy available. I ask the woman at the desk if it might be in the back somewhere because the card catalog says it's in, but it's not on the shelf. The other woman standing there pulls out a bin beneath the desk and says, "It's not in the bin, and if it's in the back, they're double-stacked." The original woman then says to me, "Yeah, there's no way we can find it." Okay, last time I checked, libraries did not superglue their recently returned DVDs to the carts they store them on. Double-stacked my ass! Take a minute and go look through the pile to see if the movie I want is in. Could it really be that difficult? I think the problem is the women at the front desk are elitists who are either bitter they were never able to get their master's degrees and become real librarians or just bitter because they're old, and they refuse to have anything to do with the lowly duties of redistributing library materials to their proper housing places. Finally, I was told that the girl who shelves DVDs will be in over the weekend, and it should be available by then. So now I either have to return to the library in hopes that Borat will be shelved and not snapped up by another library patron or shell out the 3 bucks to rent it. I'm guessing I'll do the latter. The point is, I don't know what criteria Peters Township Library's high status is based upon, but it probably isn't "ability to induce spontaneous bowel movements." So, why all the praise? I see nothing more than a pretty building with a decent selection of materials, grumpy staff, and poor service.

Driving Tales

If only the man in front of me with the Maryland license plate and the "pro-woman, pro-child, pro-life" bumper sticker was pro-safe-driving, I thought, as his car weaved down the road while he rummaged through his front seat and munched on something at the same time. His head bobbed back and forth to look at every street sign, and he slowed down at every intersection until he finally slammed on his brakes, quickly flicked on his right-turn signal, and swung into a parking spot in front of -- get this -- Vocelli's Pizza. Did he come all the way across the Mason-Dixon line for a slice of pie, or did he just have a hankering for some semi-good pizza after his March for Life across the South Hills? The world may never know.

The Ups and Downs of My Relationship with KG

No, not Kyle Gass -- Kathy Griffin. If blogger had the ability to post charts and graphs, I would conveniently show you my feelings about the popular D-lister through an eloquently formed line graph. However, blogger does not have that ability, or if it does, I'm unaware of it. Therefore, I must explain my torrid relationship with Kathy in words rather than charts.

Stage one: I hate Kathy Griffin and carry this feeling throughout my life, though I'm not sure I have any basis for feeling this way.

Stage two: I get addicted to Bravo's reality shows, one of which is Kathy's "My Life on the D-list." Despite her bad hair, she moves up in my book to "somewhat likable" and "definitely entertaining."

Stage three: I find out that Kathy is friends with Rosie O'Donnell. In the words of "Best Week Ever" -- DOWNGRADE!

Stage four: I watch one of Kathy's stand-up acts where she repeatedly makes fun of Lindsay Lohan. The red-headed funny lady is back on my A-list.

And that is where we stand now, so we'll have to see how things change as I watch the new season of "My Life on the D-list" and find more reasons to have a love/hate relationship with a person who doesn't know I exist.

Fill in the Blank

I remember learning at some point in my educational career about interviews and quoting people in writing. Somewhere in that literary lesson was an explanation of how to quote someone but include a word or two that maybe they didn't exactly say. If my memory serves me correctly, doing this involved putting the unspoken words in brackets so that the sentence would make sense but the reader would know that those particular words didn't come from the person being quoted. For instance, if Guy were asked to describe me as a person, he might say, "Caity is a nice girl." Then, when I was writing an article about myself in the local paper, I would write, Guy Tarbert says of his wife, "Caity [is the most beautiful and creative] girl [I know]. Obviously that's a stretch, but hopefully you know what I'm talking about by now.

See, the thing is, whenever I see those little substitutionary brackets in real news articles, I wonder what the original person actually did say. For instance, this quote is taken from an the AP's coverage of Larry David and his wife's recent breakup.
"The split was "very amicable and ... they're going to continue to raise their two (daughters) together as friends," spokeswoman Heather Lylis said Tuesday."

What did Heather really say in place of "daughters"? "They're going to continue to raise their two clumsy Jewish fembots together as friends"? Their alien hermaphrodite children? What? It's almost like a pop culture game of Mad Libs. And you know I love Mad Libs.

Wow!

Last night, I watched the best two hours of television I have ever seen in my life -- the LOST finale. I just wanted to post some of my thoughts/questions and get a reaction from those of you who might have viewed the episode, as well.


IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, SCROLL NO FURTHER!


















Questions:
- What temple are the Others going to, and why?
- Is Mikhail invincible, or was the spear gun simply set at a "non-lethal level"?
- Along the same lines, are Mikhail and Locke able to harness some sort of healing power of the island? After seeing Walt, Locke seemed perfectly fine to me.
- Who is Ben protecting the island from, and what goal does he really have in jamming the transmissions?
-How is Penelope sending out a transmission to the island, yet she doesn't seem to know the island exists? (she questions Charlie when he says they're on an island).
-If Naomi isn't with Penelope, why did she have a picture of Desmond?
-Who is Naomi with? Was she lying about flight 815 being found, or was that sincere?
-Who was in the coffin???
-Is Jack's dad alive again, in some sort of alternate future reality?
-Why isn't Kate in jail?
-Who is the "he" that Kate mentions will be waiting for her?

Awesome Moments:
-Rose's many one-liners
-Ben asking who the person in the Looking Glass was, the woman responding, "He won't tell me," and Charlie shouting in the background, "It's Charlie! Tell him I said hi!"
-Desmond diving down to the Looking Glass and postponing Charlie's existence at least long enough for him to complete the mission
-Charlie writing "Not Penny's Boat" on his hand, rather than some cheesy message to Claire
-Sayid, Bernard, and Jin not really getting shot after all!
-Hurley's kamikaze VW van trip
-Sayid snapping a guy's neck with his legs!
-WALT!!!!!
-Locke rising from the grave
-Rousseau finally reuniting with Alex


And that's all I've got for now, except one last thing. The whole situation with Jack wanting desperately to go back to the island but not being able to get there reminded me of a story or movie I've seen/read/heard in the past, but I can't place what it was. All I remember is some sort of fantasy land and someone desperately wanting to go back, but they grow old and forget about it, maybe? The only thing I can think of that sort of relates is Peter Pan, but I don't think that's what I'm remembering. Anybody have any idea?

Let me know your thoughts/questions/comments/theories. We've got plenty of time to discuss!