Super Bowl XLV: Good, Bad, Ugly

Last night was an evening of epic television. No, I'm not talking about "Glee" does "Thriller" (though I will most likely blog about that later). I'm talking about Super Bowl XLV: Steelers vs. Packers. Black & Gold vs. Green & Yellow. Terrible Towels vs. Hats Made of Synthetic Cheese. If you're looking for a blow-by-blow recap of the game or a side-by-side look at Mike Tomlin's game plan as compared to Chuck Noll's in days of yore, you've come to the wrong place. No, I don't know what an illegal block in the back is and I can't remember if it's "laces in" or "laces out," no matter how many times I see "Ace Ventura," but I hope you'll read on anyway to find out what an average Steelers fan (with above-average writing skills) thinks of the NFL's biggest night in football.

The Good:

• Withitness. When I was a young lass in teacher training at Grove City College, we learned a term called withitness, which was used to describe a teacher's ability to be aware of what is going on in the classroom at all times. I'm going to use this word in the football realm to describe the way the Steelers tend to stay in a game, no matter what obstacles lie before them. A lot of teams would have thrown in the towel after two interceptions and an 18-point deficit, but not our boys in black & gold. Somehow, after all of that, the game last night came down to two minutes on the clock and the ball in Ben's hands. We couldn't execute like we have in the past, but that doesn't change the fact that the Steelers keep it exciting. To think that a Super Bowl ring was only one Hail Mary pass away is the reason football, especially Steelers football, is my favorite sport. Maybe some fans prefer a more comfortable, blow-out win over a nail-biter, but not me. After all, my heart could use a little workout after all that bean & guacamole dip. Thankfully, withitness is one area of the Super Bowl in which the Steelers didn't fail to deliver.
• The fans. After attending Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa, the camaraderie among perfect strangers at a football game will never cease to amaze me. It doesn't matter if you're an 80-year-old, Miller-Lite-chugging grandma from Squirrel Hill or a large black man who takes up your whole seat and half of mine, if you're rooting for the Steelers, you are my new best friend (at least for the next three hours or so). During the game, I loved hearing chants of "Here we go, Steelers" rise above the roar of the crowd. After the game, I was proud to see how composed and gracious yinzers could be. Messages of "Better luck next year" and "Good game, Packers" won out over sour grapes in Facebook statuses and interviews on the local news. We may drink cheap beer and pronounce our words a little funny, but, I tell ya, Steeler Nation really does have class.

The Bad:

• Our Texan hosts. Everything may be bigger in Texas, but for Super Bowl XLV, it sure wasn't better. It started with sub-par weather conditions and civilians getting clobbered by falling ice and went downhill from there. Granted, Mother Nature and acts of God are beyond a host city's control, but selling seats that don't exist -- well, that's an avoidable error. For hours before the game started, news stations reported on the mess that occurred when thousands of ticket holders were herded into holding areas like livestock and told that their overpriced seats were now unfit for human consumption. And, like livestock, these ticket holders proceeded to get rowdy and pee where they stood. Yes, most of the scorned Super Bowl attendees were relocated and compensated for their troubles, but this is sure to go down as one of the biggest debacles in sporting-events history.
• The music. Christina Aguilera kicked off the night with a rousing rendition of her own personal version of the National Anthem, but I think when they say you should take artistic license, they don't mean with the lyrics to our country's most well-known song. I know "o'er the ramparts we watched" doesn't have nearly as much of a ring to it as "I'm a genie in a bottle, baby," but you think she'd have this one committed to memory. Don't get me wrong -- I honestly feel bad for Christina. She's had a rough year, what with the divorce and gaining a second chin and all, but, like Macy Gray and Roseanne Barr (Arnold?) before her, Christina isn't likely to hear the end of this one anytime soon. And as if one bad musical act wasn't enough, we had to endure a half-time show with the overly flashy, under-impressive Black Eyed Peas. Their songs are catchy, and no one in their right mind would want to see Fergie's breast, leaving the NFL at little risk for a "wardrobe malfunction," but the Peas' songs are much too processed to make for a good live show, in my opinion. If I had been accidentally blinded by looking directly into Fergie's sparkly shoulder pads, I might have mistakenly believed I was at a bad "American Idol" audition. Only this time I didn't have Simon Cowell to put me out of my misery.

The Ugly:

• The Steelers lose. This is an obvious one for a Steelers fan. I'm not sure if there's anything worse than being repeatedly told throughout the weeks leading up to the big game that your team won't win...and then having it come true. The Steelers like to prove people wrong. They thrive on being the underdogs, and honestly, in my lifetime, I'm not used to them falling short. I was only in fifth grade when the Steelers lost to the Cowboys, so I think I felt the impact a little more now that football is the highlight of my week rather than an afterthought between wearing stirrup pants and feeding the class guinea pig. I am sure that in a few days, my heartache will subside (especially if they crop-dust the city with antidepressants as they suggested on DVE), but until then, all I have left to say is good game, Packers, and better luck next year, boys.
  

"The Search": Good, Bad, Ugly

The day was finally upon us, folks! What day, you ask? The day the episode that I got to watch them film when I visited the set of "The Office" airs! I have to admit, I had a hard time focusing on the ins and outs of "The Search" because, in my head, I was going through all of the things that changed and were cut out from what we saw them filming. But after a second viewing this morning, I'm fully prepared to give you the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. So, it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean John in Bhutan*!

The Good:

• Michael. I'm still in denial that Steve is leaving the show. When an episode is Michael-centric, it can't go wrong, and I don't know how they're going to do it without him. From his rant in Jim's "precious" car to his moral inability to dine-and-dash, every moment of Michael's trek gave me something new to laugh about. I especially loved his Dr. Doolittle routine at the pet shop. It's possible he relates to animals so well because, according to Dwight, his face type is "marsupial," but it would be great to see Michael settle down some day with a wife and a dog and a family. Or maybe he could build an ark and collect pairs of animals in preparation for a great flood. Nah...we all know how that turned out.

• Amy Ryan. Her ears may only be a seven and a four, but I think Amy Ryan's acting is a perfect 40. I get frustrated sometimes with Holly being portrayed as a bit too spacey (more later), but I think Amy Ryan manages whatever she is given just superbly. The way she had tears in her eyes and sucked in her cheek a little bit when she reunited with Michael on the rooftop could have fooled me into thinking she was meeting Tom Hanks on the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Amy Ryan really deserves a role on a hit HBO series or something.

• The caption contest. Unlike the uncomfortable resolutions scenes from a few weeks ago, it's nice to see all of the paper pushers united behind a common cause. A strange caption from Creed was notably absent, but almost everyone else was given a chance to shine when Gabe read through the list of increasingly disparaging remarks. Each character's caption was so fitting to their personality, and their pride at what they had created was adorable. I also loved when Phyllis got caught red-handed when she couldn't close her instant-message screen. Scenarios like this may be the key to the show"s success after Michael's departure.

• Gabe. I think it's great that Zach and the writers are able to develop a character who is increasingly annoying to the other characters on the show yet increasingly endearing to the viewers. You can't help but feel a little sorry for Gabe being the brunt of his coworkers' jokes. After all, he probably can't help being so anal retentive. A man who oozes excitement over shaped post-it notes and goes gaga for powdered seahorse was probably just born that way. If he can manage to stay likable to us while providing a scapegoat for the office's tension, I'm all for it. Gabe is to the rest of the Dunder Mifflinites what Toby was to Michael, no?

The Bad:

• Pam's jokes. An "Ask Pam Beesley" -- sigh...
• Princess Nincompoop. I stated above that I appreciate Amy Ryan's acting, and I do, but what I don't like is when Holly is portrayed as a dunce. Yes, the woman is in love with Michael Scott. Yes, she does a lot of bad character impersonations. But I just can't believe that Holly Flax, a successful HR rep for a large company, would sign up for a cellphone contract under a bogus name (Fanny Smellmore, no less) just to get a free stress ball. Holly's goofiness has always been tempered by a dose of rationality, and being completely absorbed in an egg roll advertisement on a city bench does not smack of rationalism.

The Ugly:

• John Krasinski has perfected the "act-and-dash" since we've come back from Christmas break, but this week's was especially painful. Not only was the "leave Michael at the rest-stop bathroom" situation completely absurd (he really couldn't have waited one more minute for Michael to come out?), but John's bumbling, nervous parent act was cringe-worthy. Whatever he's filming in Alaska, let's hope it ends soon because it doesn't get much worse than being an Ugly for two weeks in a row.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:
Ah, so much to say about this one since we were there for Day 6 of 9 on the shooting schedule. We watched them film the cold open with Kelly and Ryan. We also watched Erin do a few talking heads (most of which did not make the episode), Michael & Holly arriving back at the office (which also did not make the episode), and Holly, Dwight and Erin going out on the search party. There was another part we watched them rehearse with Kevin telling Pam that her doodle was on the fridge -- essentially the same thing you saw Jim do in the episode that aired. I'm not sure if they decided to change it from Kevin to Jim initiating the caption contest or what, but I was surprised to see Jim doling out the clues for where to find the doodle.

• Dwight's line, "You drive. My car is full of fox meat," was different when we watched them rehearse (and in the script we had for the day). When we saw it, he said, "You drive. My car is full of scarecrow heads," which I actually think is funnier than fox meat.
  
• In the script, Creed's picture was supposed to be on the "Thief" board three different times, all showing him at different ages. I don't know why they decided to nix that -- maybe it was too hard to make Creed look younger?
• The cold open actually had a lot more dialogue than they showed. It was really pared down from what we saw them do (which is probably the case with pretty much every scene, I'm guessing). There was also a line from Kelly which was quite confusing, in my opinion. I pointed it out to the people in the green room, and I also heard Rainn on set saying that it didn't make sense. I was happy to see on the episode that they cut it out. Here's how it was written in the script:

Pam: Back it up. What's the story here?
Kelly: Look, this wasn't one of those "we got drunk, let's get married on a whim" things. We were having a beautiful weekend in the Poconos...
It contradicted what she says two lines later when Andy asks when they got married and she says, "Like a week ago, we got hammered and it just felt right." So I was glad to see that my opinion was spot on, as usual. :)

• *Funny enough, Rainn was not yet wardrobed-up when we had our picture taken with him, and he was wearing a shirt that said, "I heart Tehran." It went perfectly with Andy's rhyme scheme for the day.
  

If you haven't seen the pictures from my trip, you can view them by clicking here.

Quotable Quotes:

• "Instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now, into my mouth?"
• "You have no money, but you dined. And you dined so much!"
• "Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so -- everybody."
• Michael, to the snake at the pet store: "You are disgusting. You will never find love."
• Pam, to Jim, on the phone: "Did the phone cut out?"
  

Top Chef: Good, Bad, Ugly

On last night's episode of "Top Chef," the remaining All Stars learned that looks ARE everything and Lorraine Bracco won't put out if she doesn't like your pasta. An Italian elimination challenge proved to be not-so-tailor-made for at least one the three Chef Meatballs, and the episode certainly had its fair share of Good, Bad and Ugly. As always, don't forget to hover over the pictures to whet your appetite.

The Good:

• The elimination challenge. Being 100% Italian myself, there's no way I couldn't like this challenge, but my cultural bias isn't the only reason it ended up in the Good category. I liked the simplicity of what the chefs did at Rao's. Like the food they were instructed to make, the challenge was no-frills, back-to-basics. No liquid nitrogen (sorry, Blais), no foam or mock caviar -- just good old-fashioned cooking, like Fabio's grandma would do it. Yes, asking chefs to dangle upside-down and cook for 7,000 hungry indigenous tribesmen in a zero-gravity chamber would make for good television, but sometimes less is more, and it definitely worked to the show's advantage last night.

• The stew room. The looks on Mike, Angelo, Richard & Dale's faces when Antonia announced her win were priceless. Every episode of "Top Chef" needs a good laugh-out-loud moment, and this was it. Okay, maybe there's a chance that Angelo farted and the editors just made it look like they were reacting to Antonia, but if that's the case, bravo, editors! Bravo.

The Bad:

• Tre's exit. Honestly, I wouldn't have been happy to see any of the bottom three chefs leave the competition, but I thought the Black Italian was whacked before his time. No, I didn't cry upon his departure like I will when Fabio or Blais are told to pack their knives, and I didn't laugh with an evil satisfaction like I did when Jamie and Marcel got the boot, but Tre is a guy I would have liked to see stick around a little longer. The judges seemed to have a lot more disdain for Dale's dish, but apparently a stiff risotto trumps a dry pasta in the world of culinary sins. If nothing else, we now have a better explanation for Dale's persistent anger issues. If that's the meal he likes to cook for his girlfriend and if his girlfriend is anything like Lorraine Bracco...well, let's just say that Dale isn't doing much of the horizontal mambo these days.
  

The Ugly:

• The Rao's bartender's sequined vest. Mobsters are definitely better off sticking with basic black. Where is Isaac Mizrahi when you need him? Oh, wait...he's standing with Padma in the Top Chef kitchen for...
• The quickfire challenge. For a challenge supposedly centered around visual beauty, those chefs sure managed to bring the ugly. Antonia's "Giving Tree"-inspired plate looked like a third grade science project (and was a little too reminiscent of Hung's Smurf village in Season Three), and Angelo's "crocadile" in a bag was just absurd. Thank goodness his lack of spell-check didn't distract Isaac from the truth: there was an ugly bag of goop sitting on the table, masquerading as art. I personally would have chosen Carla's dish over Richard's black ice cream, but I guess that's why they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• What, no prize for the elimination challenge winner? I thought Antonia would at least get an all-you-can-drink pass to the Bracco wine vault. Poor girl couldn't even get a hearty round of applause from her co-contestants.

What did you think of Top Chef Italia?

"Moving In, Moving On": Good, Bad, Ugly

This week, "Moving In, Moving On" showed our teen moms going through some changes in their relationships. Some seemed to be moving in the right direction while others aren't even on the map. Here's the good, bad and ugly of it all..

The Good:

• Leah and Corey. The power couple can do no wrong. Sure, their move into the Love Shack (emphasis on the "shack") was a little fast, but, like Leah said, it's hard to take it slow when you have two kids together. I think Leah and Corey have all the necessary ingredients for a healthy and stable relationship: mutual love and respect for each other, great parenting skills, supportive families and a trailer down by the river(with a fresh coat of paint!). So, it's nice to see them thriving. Even Ali's projectile vomit couldn't rain on their parade. I'm going to start calling these two Sandy and Danny because I fully expected their groups of friends to burst out into a chorus of "Tell me more, tell me more" when they were all chatting at the barbecue.

• Kailyn's relationship decisions. Thank you, Kailyn, for putting the brakes on Jo's desire to have his happy little family back together. I'm sure it's difficult to resist the lure of 24/7 access to The Bank of Jo, even considering his terrible interest rates ("Pay me back double"??) but Kailyn made the right decision when she opted to stay focused on school, work and her baby. Now if only it would last longer than one episode.

The Bad:

• Kieffer's bragging skills. I'm not sure if he realizes it, but being a high-school dropout, taking a couple of courses at culinary school and having the ability to give enormous hickeys all over someone's "friggin' neck" do not warrant an award for "Man of the Year." Kieffer sure has himself convinced that he's a hot ticket, and maybe Jenelle believes it, too, but I don't think he's fooling anyone else -- not crazy Barbara, not the restaurant owners in town who haven't hired him despite his "impressive" credentials, not even the alligator he taunted on his first real date with Jenelle.
  

The Ugly:

• Chelsea. No, I'm not talking about her hair. Chelsea is an Ugly this week because of her googly-eyed ignorance. Every time she gets that ridiculous smile on her face when she talks about Adam, I want to just shake her. It's sad to see her turn into a pile of doe-eyed goop over He-Who-Remains-Inexplicably-Shirtless, but it's infuriating to see her lie to her dad about it.
  

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• Are Megan's eyes and teeth unnaturally white, or is it only an optical illusion because they're up against her unnaturally tan skin?
• What was with Kieffer's "I just want y'all to be comfortable, you know what I'm saying?" comment and Jenelle's subsequent maniacal laughter? I felt like there were some drug-related innuendos going on there, but it was like an inside joke between stoners and I was clearly on the outside.

Quotable quotes:

• I'm still not fully convinced that Jenelle & Kieffer's alligator friend wasn't the animatronic feature on Hole 16 at the mini golf course, but I couldn't help but laugh at their exchange before going to see it.

Kieffer: "How do you know he's gonna be there?"
Jenelle: "''Cause he's always guaranteed to be there." ... or your money back!

"The Seminar": The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

An episode centered around the Nard Dog -- just what the doctor ordered. I think Andy is my second-favorite character on the show, next to Michael, and it's a close second. But rather than gush about my love for the well-dressed harmonizer, I will move on to my Good, Bad and Ugly for "The Seminar." Ready? 1-2-3, Creed!

*Hover over the pictures. You know you want to.*

The Good:

• Andy. Okay, so I'm not done gushing yet. Master of Ceremonies Bernard just strikes a chord with me. Not only is he super flexible when he's nervous, but he's just so darn endearing. We know Andy would never lose his job at Dunder Mifflin, but seeing his name below Madge, Glenn and Hidetoshi on the sales list, you can't help but feel a little pang of sadness. If this were "Curb Your Enthusiasm," Andy would be Larry. If this were "Seinfeld," he would be George. Nothing ever goes right for the guy...until today. The seminar was a minor victory for our lovable salesman and a well-deserved one at that. Andy Bernard, I jlp you!

• Creed. Yet again, Creed's bizarre nature came through beautifullyThe blank stare on his face before he went to speak to the seminar attendees was great. And his Loch Ness monster anecdote? Well, all I can say is that I think he and Michael need to team up and enter the movie tagline business. "He had two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two knee caps, a penis. He couldn't see, hear or speak. This is how he led a nation." That Oscar is so close I can smell it (and I'm not talking Martinez).

• Darryl pulling a "Wilson" from behind the newspaper and protecting the oh-so-naive Andy from the "jackals."

• Mikinos's gyro recipe (Michael's pep talk). I love when Michael shows some semblance of wisdom, and if there's anything he's good at, it's sales. My heart just gets a little bit warmer when I see Michael looking out for his ducklings.

The Bad:

• The cold open. I know I'm going to catch some flack for this since Ricky Gervais/David Brent's appearance was so highly anticipated, but I thought the cold open was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it's because I only watched the first episode of the British "Office." Maybe it's because a Brit speaking quickly might as well be speaking Chinese to me. I couldn't understand half of what Michael and David said, let alone laugh at it. I'm not putting this in the ugly category because I do think it had its moments ("Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself."), but I was hoping for more.

• Michael & Holly's communication skills. I guess the barrage of voices Michael & Holly went through upon her return to the office was foreshadowing for the way they would communicate to each other, well, indefinitely. I like a good impersonation as much as anybody, but I'm hoping Michael and Holly will have a heart-to-heart as Michael and Holly soon.

• The Scrabble subplot. Erin is an airhead. We get it. Gabe is lacking in social skills. We get that too. Having to watch them compete in Scrabble over a cellphone for the entire episode was not enlightening or exciting. Even Oscar's righteous anger could save it.

• Jim's absence. John Krasinski, if you're out there, hear this: your movie career is hurting the show that made you who you are! The "avoiding an old classmate" story was just another lame excuse for Jim to be out of the office for the episode, and I honestly didn't enjoy seeing Jim berated by another frenemy, just like he was by Dwight in "Classy Christmas." Last week it was Pam who was the helpless puppy, and this week it was her husband. Those Halperts need to get their groove back!

The Ugly:

• Kevin's motivational speech. He was off to a good start. I actually laughed out loud when he waited for the right part of "Crazy Train" to begin his laps around the room. But this gag could have been cut wayyyyy short and still had comedic effect. Did we really need to see (and hear) Kevin barfing in a trash can? This scene made me feel worse than the time in high school I got mono and had my first period ever in the same week. Writers, editors -- have some restraint, if not for my sake, then do it for Lu Peachman.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• Did Michael say that Holly's Greek name was Necropolis? That's just funny, I don't care who you are.

• If Kelly hadn't coined the term first, Andy would make a great Etiquette Bitch. He was even polite when he told Dwight, Phyllis & Stanley to take their offer and shove it!

Quotable Quotes:

• "Thank you so much, Tuna Turner. You are simply the best."
• "I like 'Grease,' or, as we call it, home."
• "The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam."
  

Teen Mom 2: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

We got to share a national holiday with the moms and their families this week. As fireworks exploded over unwed mothers everywhere, I diligently took notes so that I could present you with The Good, The Bad and The Ugly from this week's episode. And while you're reading, don't forget to hover over the pictures for a good time.

The Good:

• Chelsea's dad, Randy. This man is a saint -- a saint with a wallet full of hundred-dollar bills! What does this man do for a living, and is he hiring? Maybe Randy's financial support of Chelsea is a little over-the-top, but there's no question of how much he loves his daughter and granddaughter. If he wants to show it by handing out hundreds like they're Kleenex, who am I to criticize?

• Leah & Corey's new beginning. Leah and Corey are what I'd imagine Catelynn and Tyler would have been like had they not given Carly up for adoption. Sure, their "defining the relationship" discussion wasn't in the most mature terms ("You call me your girlfriend and I call you my boyfriend?") and their bowling skills leave much to be desired, but these two are wise beyond their years. Leah, you might not think that your belly was big enough for Ali, but your heart and your mind have more than enough room to give those twins a wonderful life.

• The part of Chelsea that thinks she "shouldn't take Adam back or even talk to him." The kid called your daughter a mistake and you a stretch-mark bitch. I know you want your child to have two parents, but is it really worth opening the door to that kind of abuse again? Listen to that little angel on your shoulder!
  

The Bad:

• Jenelle's voice-overs. Who writes this crap? It's obvious that the girls are reading a script when they do narrations, but when she said, "Finding a job is gonna be really hard, and, on top of that, I have to get ready for college and babysit Jace," I almost fell off the couch. I'm pretty sure it's not called babysitting when it's your own child. Here's another gem: "With everything I want to do with my life right now, I'm starting to realize my mom might be in a better position to take care of Jace." What, pray tell, does Jenelle want to do with her life other than smoke marijuana and go on Wal-Mart shopping sprees?

• Barbara. At first I thought Jenelle's mom was doing the right thing by taking custody of Jace. Then I realized that this is probably all part of Barbara's grand plan to trick her teen daughter into getting pregnant, steal the baby from her, raise him as her own and...take over the world? Whatever the case, Barbara is just a little too happy to assume the mothering duties from Jenelle. And the fact that she won't let Jenelle take him anywhere seems strange, too. As much as I don't sympathize with Jenelle's horrible parenting, after seeing her wacky mom and then hearing about how her father essentially abandoned her when she was young, I can understand why she may not be the most stable person out there.

• Janet & Eddie's ultimatum. I find it hard to believe that super-mom-in-law's requirement that Kailyn not date while living under her roof is actually a rule that stems from having her grandson's best interest at heart. Rather, it seems like a mama bear not wanting her baby bear to be scorned. Hey, it's Janet's house, and she has been more than gracious to Kailyn so far, but forcing her to move out just because she's dating someone other than Jo seems counterproductive. Instead, maybe she should focus her energy on getting Jo to take the cigarette out from behind his ear, stop talking out of only one side of his mouth and help out with the daddy duties a bit more.

The Ugly:

• Jo. You know where I'm going with this. Jo, playing arcade basketball with his brother, having a profanity-laden conversation about how Kailyn doesn't deserve to live in "his" house. Apparently, she "don't pay for shit, don't do nuttin'" and is "completely disrespectful." Hmm...can we say pot calling the kettle black?

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• When Leah pondered what Ali's problem was, all I could think was, "Girl, don't you have the Internet?" I would have Googled that stuff six ways from Sunday, beginning with "baby's leg looks like a frog leg."

Quotable quotes:

• "The meal of people who move out" - Randy, referring to Chelsea's habit of eating Ramen Noodles

"The Ultimatum": Good, Bad, Ugly

This Thursday, "The Office" returned not with a whimper, but not what I would consider a bang, either. I'm not going to recap the entire episode, so if you haven't seen it, you should get on that. Instead, I'm going to share with you what I considered to be the good, the bad and the ugly from the episode, otherwise known as the gummy worms, the gummy bears and the...black licorice? "Otherwise-otherwise known as a living, breathing angel." Okay, let's get on with it. *Hover over the pictures for an added bonus*

The Good:

• Michael & Erin. These two need to start fighting crime together. I doubt they would ever actually catch a criminal, but they have a dynamic that Michael & his "solid seven," Pam, never had. I love that they think on the same level, as juvenile as it may be ("snot," anyone?), and it's clear that they care deeply about each other as well. I hope that when Michael & Holly end up together, it doesn't take a toll on his relationship with the lovable redhead (brunette?). At the very least, we need another champagne-spraying, Kelly Clarkson dance party (prerecorded Michael is optional).

• Darryl. The writers gave him some great one-liners in this episode, and I think Craig Robinson pulled them off perfectly. Despite the fact that wanting to eat a PB&J on the way to the bookstore was a lame excuse to bring Dwight & Andy along for the ride AND the fact that these guys spent their entire work day at a bookstore and a rollerskating rink (I guess when Michael Scott is your boss, you can get away with some things), I liked this subplot and thought that Darryl really shined. I laughed out loud when he was shocked to the point of cursing at the realization that the e-reader can hold not 10 but 10 thousand books. Darryl is level-headed enough to be believable ("The day shift at a strip club? You can't un-see that") but relaxed enough to allow for some entertaining story-lines. No one can replace Michael Scott, but if someone has to, Darryl would be my top choice. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he was right when he said 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

• Creed. I thought "The Ultimatum" showcased Creed's quirkiness perfectly. The fact that his resolution was to do a cartwheel but he was having trouble motivating? Genius. His reaction when Erin one-upped him? Priceless. His tombstone should read, "Here lies Creed Bratton. Genius. Priceless." Oh, wait -- his tombstone is already made, thank you.

• Gabe trying (and failing) to intercept the Sabre frisbee. I love that character immensely. See how I did that, Erin?

The Bad:

• The cold open. After weeks of absence, I was hoping "The Office" would come back stronger, but this opening just didn't hit the spot. Though it had its good points (John Krasinski looking adorable in sweater & scarf, the back of the Knights' shirts reading "we are unarmed"), the cold open came off almost like a game of flashlight tag -- slightly nerdy and not at all exciting.
• Pam's resolution board. It couldn't hold a candle to Sue's construction-paper wonder at Vance Refrigeration. Plus, I'm tired of the writers waffling between putting Pam in a place of empowerment and making her a Debbie Downer for whom nothing ever goes right. She ventured out on her own to art school...and then dropped out. She tried to make it as a salesperson and failed. She needs Dwight Shrute to stop her child from reverse cycling. Now she has strong-armed Gabe into creating this role of Office Administrator, but the only things she's done with the position are landed herself in a war of wits with Dwight (and won only because of his essential surrender) and tried, unsuccessfully, to motivate her coworkers with preschool craft time. I'd really like to see Pam achieve something legitimately for once. Another Michael Scott replacement candidate, possibly?

• Jim's absence. I know these things happen because of actors' movie schedules, but it's still weird to me that Jim is conspicuously absent from the entire episode. Something tells me that Kevin would not have been force-fed broccoli had Jim been there to stop it. Which leads me to...

The Ugly:

• The broccoli scene. I know many people considered this hilarious. I personally couldn't handle it. Not only was it awkward and stretched out way too long, I just can't fathom that Kevin has never seen broccoli before. Is this the same guy that prides himself on his chili recipe and has "cooked his way through Julia Child"? Surely he can't be this misinformed or foreign to all things green and leafy. While I'm all for a good gag once in a while, I think "The Office" walks a fine line between silliness and believability, and, in my opinion, the broccoli stunt just crossed into "too silly to be funny" territory.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• Phyllis went to Portugal over Christmas break?
• When Amy Ryan un-mittened her hands, I totally thought they were fake! I was expecting Holly to drop her prosthetic arms and show a real hand with a ring on it. I don't know if it was the way she was holding all her fingers together or the coloring of her skin or what, but they just looked plastic to me.
• Did Greek Gods have rollerskates?
  

Quotable quotes:

• "If she's engaged, I'm going to go crazy and I'm going to start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness."
• "My resolution? Never to make Holly cry again...unless it's from laughing too hard or making love too beautifully."

What did you think of "The Ultimatum"?