Time wounds every heel

It’s been a year now since my stepdad died. Even though he was in a coma for a few weeks and didn’t technically take his ticket to paradise until later, the day he died to me was the day he had his heart attack, my 22^nd birthday. Sometimes I still can’t believe he’s gone. I think about all the things he’s missed – my brother’s high school graduation, my wedding, the Steelers winning the super bowl…I just wish he could have stuck around for one more year.

I’ve lost people that I love before, but it’s never been as sudden as it was that day. I think when someone leaves and it’s so unexpected, you spend the first few months just grappling with the fact that they’re not there anymore. You have to get used to not seeing them in their usual places, not hearing their voice. It just doesn’t make any sense. But eventually, the awkwardness of their absence fades, and you start building a new life without them. You move on to a sort of remembrance stage, I guess you could call it. We always talk about what Dave would have said in a certain situation or reminisce about the funny things he did. It’s like you can somehow get past the denying that they’re gone by turning them into a figment of your imagination, telling stories about them like they’re a favorite character from a movie or a book.

But then there are his shoes. When I go to my mom’s house, I see his shoes still sitting underneath his desk where he last slipped them off. Those all white, orthopedic-looking Reeboks that he always wore. And that’s when it hits me. He was real. He was there at that desk the night before he died, sending me a birthday email, and not knowing how much things were going to change. He was there, and now he is gone forever. His shoes are a painful reminder of the living, breathing person that is now reduced to a few ashes in an urn. Sometimes I don’t want to look at the shoes when I go, but I have to. Because deep down, I don’t want to forget. Remembering is pain, but maybe it’s the only way to really keep someone alive.

Little Things

Maybe birthdays don't matter to some people, but they always have to me. They kind of bring about that same feeling of excited expectation that I get around Christmas, except a birthday is all about me, not Jesus or Santa. And it's not like birthdays are just a scorecard to keep track of who sends a gift or a happy birthday message, but sometimes it's just painfully obvious which people either don't care or don't know, even though they probably should.

Maybe I feel this way because I've always tried hard to keep track of my friends' special days, and when mine comes and goes without the slighest mention from people I see every week, it feels a little painful, I guess. I don't blame forgetful/careless people, but I just think that if you truly know someone, you know their birthday. And if you don't truly know someone, but you know their birthday anyway, that makes you extra special.

So, if you wished me a happy birthday in some form or another yesterday, just know that it was appreciated, and it made my day a good one. If you forgot...well, there's always next year!

Build a Bridge & Get Over It

Sometimes I can't wait until George W. is out of office. But not because I dislike the man or have huge issues with what he's done in his one and a half terms so far. I just can't stand hearing people whine about him all the time!

Whether I'm at work, sitting at the TV in the morning, or at my cousin's birthday party, I can't escape the constant criticisms of the supposed horror that is the Bush administration. For someone who has never cared much for politics in the first place, it's even more of a nuisance. No matter how you try to link it back to him, George W. Bush did not cause your ingrown toenail. Maybe tax cuts for the rich left you without enough money to buy a toenail clipper, but that's no excuse. Borrow one from a friend or something. That may sound absurd, but that's really how people who constantly whine about the Bush administration sound to me. When anything goes wrong, immediately it's the "incompetent" president's fault. Instead of trying to find a scape goat, why don't people quit immobilizing themselves and work towards a solution? Like it or not, W. is in office for a few more years, so as a somewhat rational human being, I just think it makes more sense to stop laying the blame and start doing something about it.

And for those of you who would rather just sit on your couch and criticize, well, you can just cry me a river and then see above for further instructions.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...or at least a close second.

It's that time of year again: the time when my trash cans become filled with crumpled red, blue, and green foil wrappers, and the sweet, sweet nectar of Cadbury Eggs tickles my tastebuds. I look forward to this every year, and I can't help but be excited when I catch my first glimpse of a Cadbury display in the stores. It's also somewhat convenient that my birthday lies right in the midst of Cadbury Egg season because I tend to get showered with beautifully wrapped 4-packs. It's one time when getting repeat gifts is not only acceptable, but desired! Paul of course takes the cake for Cadbury egg gifting for going to the extent of ordering European Cadbury Eggs off of ebay for me during the off-season. I was a bit nervous they were going to be poisoned at first, but they're all long gone, and I'm still alive, thankfully.

Now, these days, Cadbury has come out with a number of varieties like the mini eggs or the ones with chocolate in the center or carmel, and other companies have tried to copy the deliciousness, but there is just no comparison to the original, life-sized, milk chocolate egg with the sugary heavenlike yolk. Snickers eggs are a good attempt, but that's only because they're a snickers in a different shape.

I've always wondered why Cadbury doesn't sell Cadbury eggish things throughout the whole year, like Peeps does. They could easily make a chocolate Christmas tree, four-leafed clover or Jack-o-Latern with the same tasty filling, but they opt to keep the eggs as a seasonal item. In a way, I'm glad that it's the way it is. Otherwise, maybe Cadbury Eggs would lose a bit of their magic. Having them all year round might just lead to people taking them for granted, like they were any other candy bar. So, in the case of Cadburys, I guess the old addage holds true -- absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Stolen from a Stealer

I took this from Katie's blog, and Katie took it from someone else, but as all teachers/ex-teachers know, it's okay to steal a good idea. So, click on the link below and pick some words that you think describe me. This is my way of finding out what other people think of me without having to go on reality television. :)

my johari window

Burg(h)ers without Buns

The other day, a girl I was eating lunch with had a plain hamburger with no bun. The sight of the juicy burger being dipped in ketchup prompted my response of "mmm...burgers without buns." After I said it, I realized it kind of has the same ring to it as something like Doctors without Borders. That's when I decided that Burg(h)ers without Buns will be a group dedicated to Pittsburgh women with flat butts, like me! Whether their flat butt is hereditary, as mine is (thanks, mom!) or a result of many years of many days of many hours of sitting in a chair to perform a mundane desk job (thanks, secretarial employers), it doesn't matter. Any Pittsburgh lady with not so much junk in her trunk can join. What the group has to offer to society aside from a welcome break from honkeytonk badonkadonks is yet to be determined.

Because I haven't posted in awhile...or is it a while?

4 jobs I've had:
1. Offline captioner
2. Counselor at Urban Impact
3. Baker at Bruegger's Bagels
4. Cashier at Carmike Cinemas (my favorite ever)

4 movies I could watch over and over:
1. A League of Their Own
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. The Sandlot
4. The Wedding Planner -- I don't even like this one that much, but it's just an easy one to watch over and over.

4 places I've vacationed:
1. Historic Brookville, PA
2. New York, New York
3. Marco Island, FL (don't go)
4. Ocean City, NJ

4 shows I love:
1. Everybody Loves Raymond (a newfound love)
2. Family Guy
3. The [bleep] van [bleep] show -- if you watch the above show, you know what I mean
4. Quantum Leap

4 places I've lived: (nothing exciting here)
1. Peters Township
2. Bethel Park
3. Grove City
4. Pittsburgh's North Side

4 favorite dishes:
1. any kind of meat that's been slow-cooked and smothered in gravy or bbq sauce
2. birthday cake ice cream from Coldstone Creamery
3. bethel bakery cake
4. the whole carbohydrate section of the food pyramid

4 places I'd rather be:
1. in bed
2. at a Chinese restaurant reading a fortune cooking and adding "in bed" to the end of it
3. at the beach
4. in the showcase showdown of The Price is Right

4 people I'm tagging:
are there even four people who read this?