Episode 2: Ashley Gets the Smackdown

I didn't get a chance to watch this week's episode until today, due to the Cloverleaf/Hanson concert on Thursday night and a murder-mystery dinner with coworkers last night, but I was finally able to sit down this morning to watch episode two of Survivor: China.

My immediate thought during the opening sequence this week was, "There's someone named Amanda on this show?" I don't remember even catching a glimpse of this girl last week. They more than made up for her lack of air time in the first episode, though, by showing her forming an alliance with Todd and then giving ample coverage to her un-amply covered breasts during the reward challenge. At least she bared it all in the heat of competition rather than for some peanut butter and oreo cookies.

Speaking of the reward challenge, what a challenge it must have been for the editors to blur out all of the naked body parts in this one! It has to be expected in such a hands-on game taking place in a pool of mud, but still. Guy commented that he wouldn't be surprised if a few of the girls accidentally got pregnant after that debacle. All nudity aside, Fei Long won the battle, 2 goals to zip, but Zhan Hu did put up a good fight. You have to wonder, though, what the producers were thinking when they arranged these tribes. They seem so mismatched as far as physical strength goes that I'm beginning to wonder if Frosti and the gang will ever be able to pull it together and win something. Fei Long got their fishing gear* and another morale booster, while Zhan Hu was sent back to a flooded campsite. Things don't seem like they'll be looking up anytime soon.

After the reward challenge, we see the first twist of this season of Survivor. The winning tribe gets to kidnap a member of the losing tribe to stay at their camp until the immunity challenge. They unanimously choose Jaime, and so our braless blonde goes off to spend a few days on the winning side of life. Todd immediately warns his tribemates to keep an eye on their valuable items, like flint, because he suspects that Jaime might try to steal something. This guy is sharper than I thought he'd be. I definitely underestimated him. Then, in another mini-twist, Jaime gets a note saying to give a bamboo tube containing a clue to the location of the hidden immunity idol to a Fei Long member of her choice. She chooses Leslie because she considers her to be the weakest. I guess Jean-Robert's lazy "act" didn't fool her. Leslie proceeds to run and tell Todd about the clue, thinking it will help her gain his trust. In reality, all it does is give Todd reason to make her the next one on the chopping block so that he'll be the only one left who knows about the hidden idol. Maybe if the resident poker expert wasn't busy sleeping all the time, he could have given Leslie some tips on keeping her cards close to her chest.

Jaime's taste of the high life was soon over as the tribes met up for another brute-strength-geared challenge. Dave faltered at the head of the battering ram and took the blame for Zhan Hu's loss, though I don't think they ever stood much of a chance against James' muscles to begin with. And so, back at camp before tribal council, the Ashley v. Dave debate begins. It seems as if the whole tribe knows that one of the two has to go, including Dave and Ashley themselves. Ashley chooses not to voice her opinions at camp, but rather at tribal council, and it may have been too little, too late. Even though seemingly everyone agreed that Dave is an overbearing, patronizing leader, Ashley was the one whose torch was snuffed out. Apparently her personality isn't as fake as her boobs, so Ashley's inability to keep her opinions to herself puts the nails in her coffin.

Another week in the Chinese wilderness is behind us. Last week, we lost a guy because he wouldn't voice his opinions. This week, we lost the girl that spoke up too much. There's just no telling what's in store for us on episode three of Survivor: China.





*I know that the reward challenges at the beginning of the game usually include camp-life necessities, but I'm tired of the same old, same old. How about giving out something helpful but more interesting than pillows and blankets next week, like the survivors' luggage, for instance?

Survivor: China: Chicken Gets His Head Cut Off

Needless to say, my first prediction of the Survivor: China voting order was dead wrong. Todd wasn't nearly as flamboyant as I thought he'd be right off the bat, though he did have a few, "Oh, no, you di'nt" moments in there. His tribe ended up with the immunity idol, so from there on out, my chances of a perfect record were shot. Chicken was the first to have his head on the chopping block, and although he didn't run around wildly for 15 minutes after he was voted off, he did manage to shock his fellow tribemates by exclaiming, "DAMN!" after the final vote was read. And when Jeff gave him the usual "the tribe has spoken" line, his response was one of the best I've heard yet -- a downtrodden, yet arrogantly toned, "Yeah, I heard 'em." Oh, Chicken, I'm sad to see you go. Let's hope Frosti can stick it out and represent for the oddly named folks on the Zhan Hu tribe.

As far as the rest of the episode goes, it was a typical start of a Survivor season with a slightly more intriguing backdrop. Thank God for the b-roll clips of Pandas climbing through trees rather than the snakes and insects that usually get featured in the tropical settings. We got glimpses into a few of the Survivors' personalities, but nothing so deep yet as to have us attached to anyone. For instance, we've got Courtney, the New York City Bitch, who glared at the Buddhist monk when he repeatedly fixed her stance during the "welcome" ceremony. And then there's Leslie, the Christian radio talk show host who managed to contradict herself in the same sentence after she refused to participate in what she considered to be idol worship and stated, "I'm not religious, but I am a follower of Jesus Christ." Huh? And finally, there's Jaime. I was convinced she hadn't said a word the entire episode until Guy reminded me that she was the one who proudly told Jeff, "I don't have a bra." When will these people learn to wear functional clothing every second of the day until they're given a map to their tribe's island? With season after season of contestants being forced to jump off boats and swim for their lives, you'd think people would start using their heads.

There is so much more I can say about last night's show, but I'll leave you to ponder the rest. Till next week...

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