Season's Greetings from the Psychotic Gingerbread Man

My company has an annual competition at the Western PA School for the Deaf for the best holiday illustration. The employees get to vote on their favorite, and the winning design is sent out on the company Christmas cards. There are a large variety of age levels and artistic abilities represented in the choices, which sometimes leads me to wonder what would happen if certain less attractive designs actually received the most votes. Would the company really allow that to be the winner, even if it's not picture perfect? This year, I had a clear favorite, and Beth and I tried to campaign to get it votes, but it only ended up with an honorable mention. Some day, I would like to meet the child that drew this picture and find out where they got their idea of what a gingerbread man looks like. I hope their parents save this drawing until they are old enough to appreciate its humor. Maybe I'll just have to ditch the half-off Martha Stewart Christmas cards I bought for next year and make my own cards featuring the Psychotic Gingerbread Man instead.

Generic, yet Intriguing Post

Even though I didn't fall into the category of those tagged by Katie, since I had in fact updated within a week of when she posted, I will succomb to the blog gods and complete this "five things you don't know about me" entry. Actually, I'm just bored and don't have a more interesting topic to write about, so here goes:

1. I crave candy or chocolate from the moment I wake up in the morning. In fact, I just finished an entire box of Necco conversation hearts (minus five white ones), and I haven't even left the bedroom yet.

2. I don't like kids and don't know if I ever want to have ones of my own. Yes, this is odd, coming from someone with a degree in Elementary Education, but let's just say that Grove City didn't offer a large choice of majors. Sure, kids are sometimes cute and do say the darndest things, but the thought of actually raising them and dealing with them on a daily basis is just not appealing to me at this point in my life. Who wants to think about rearing a moody teenager when they're not that far out of the moody-teenager stage themselves?

3. I love money. I know, I know. The love of money is the root of all evil, but I can't help enjoying seeing the flow of cash into and out of (mostly the latter) our checkbook. I enjoy putting things in our budget and planning for expenditures. If that makes me evil, so be it. Maybe I should have been an accountant.

4. I think that time never goes slower than when you're waiting for a microwave to cook. That's not exactly about me, but it can still count. I used to race the clock and see how many laps around the kitchen, squats, or other various activities I could do before the microwave stopped, and the numbers always exceeded my expectations.

5. I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac. I've recently started watching House, which is an incredible show, yet now I feel the need to document all of my daily experiences so that if I accidentally touch the garage door and then eat a cookie, thus transferring a deadly bacteria to my innards, the diagnostician will be able to figure out what's wrong with me without having to biopsy my brain first. Really, though, I have a lot of aches and pains that I continuously wonder if they are something more serious. Most likely, they're nothing, but coming from a person who's had shingles, many broken bones, kidney stones, and more, I don't think I'm being that unreasonable.

And now you know the rest of the story.

Coming Attractions

Since it seems perfectly acceptable in Hollywood to make film after film about white teachers "reforming" black students, a.k.a. the plot of the new Hilary Swank movie Freedom Writers and Dangerous Minds before that, Guy and I came up with a few of our own ideas.

At the risk of sounding racist or at least horribly un-p.c., our first movie is called The Bravest Mulatto. It's a heartwarming tale of the students at Lincoln High, where there's lots of racial rivalry. Then the mulatto comes (possibly a mulatto teacher) and feels like he is on both sides. He unites the groups. Then they win the basketball championship. It has all the ingredients of a box-office success.

The sequel is called The Minorities That Could. Same school, different group of students. It goes straight to DVD.

Fame & fortune, here we come!

*Watch for our other feature films involving white ballet dancers falling in love with black hip-hop dancers. Apparently this is another genre, if you can call it that, where there's no shame in making the same movie twice and calling it two different things.

My Christmas Playlist

I love Christmas music. I love it so much that I've been listening to it since October. It comes in every variety -- pop, jazz, hip-hop, instrumental...There's something for everyone. For those of you who might want to add some new songs to your Christmas repertoire, here are some of my favorites:
(Links are provided for ones that could be found on amazon.com)

* All Alone on Christmas - Darlene Love

* Somewhere in my Memory - John Williams (from Home Alone)

*When the River Meets the Sea - John Denver (from Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas)

*Percy the Puny Poinsettia - Elmo & Patsy (a childhood favorite)

*Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Elmo & Patsy (Should we open up her gifts or send them back?)

* 12 Days of Christmas - The Muppets

* Christmas Don't Be Late -- Alvin & The Chipmunks (I used to think it said, "We can hardly Santa wait" )

* O Holy Night - Josh Groban (That voice!)

* Snoopy's Christmas - The Royal Guardsmen

* Deck the Halls - Manheim Steamroller

* Happy Xmas - John Lennon

* Last Christmas - Jimmy Eat World

*The entire Winter Solstice V album

I'm sure I could list many more, but those are the ones that come to mind first. Enjoy.

Cubicle Decorations

My place of employ has an annual cubicle-decorating contest around the holidays, with prizes for first and second place. Last year, I did a cow-print background with tinsel around the top and a big cow head saying, "Moo-ry Christmas." I thought it was creative, but I didn't win anything. This year, I opted for a Family Guy theme, inspired by the stuffed Peter Griffin dressed up like an angel that I won at Kennywood over the summer. Since I already had the angel, I decided to go with a whole nativity scene. The cast of characters is as follows:

Lois --> Mary
Brian --> Joseph
Stewie --> Jesus (naturally)
Peter --> angel
Chris --> shepherd
Meg --> donkey
Quagmire --> Wise man #1
Cleveland --> Wise man #2
Joe --> Wise man #3

See picture below.


Guy and I made the stable out of a cardboard box, and I found nativity cut-outs online that I pasted Family Guy characters' heads onto. Amanda, who I share the cubicle with on the shift after mine, did the background.

It probably won't win anything, but at least I've enjoyed looking at it for the past two weeks.

Briefs

Funny observation of the day: A little boy cruising down the sidewalk at 5 mph in his yellow Power Wheels Corvette, followed by a Power Wheels white and pink Jeep (possibly the Barbie edition?) carrying two girls. No adults in sight.

Announcement: Guy and I are now the proud parents of a new baby Wii. And we didn't even have to wait in line for it!

She's Baaa-aaack

Came home the other day to a few messages on the answering machine. When I pressed "play," a familiar voice rang in my ears. It was Florence! I guess her ceiling didn't come down after all. In this message, she talks about how Brian should wash his windows and how she was wrong about the laundry (I guess she dialed the right number when she told the beginning of that story.) Look for audio clips coming soon.