The Good, Bad, Ugly Blog

Teen Mom: Taking It Slow

2011-07-06T17:59:00.006-05:00

So this is what the world has come to: supposedly broke moms can take out plastic surgery loans to achieve the perfect boob-to-butt ratio, so-called important questions are posed via text message when the questioner and the questionee are sitting less than five feet apart, and not one but two guys chase after a classless, abusive girl who's really not quite beautiful either inside or out. Thank heavens that MTV allows it all to play out over national television -- what would we do without the drama of Teen Mom?

On the first episode of season three with the original cast, we saw Farrah spend more time deciding what size bra will have the biggest effect on her modeling career than determining who she wants to raise her child in case her trip under the knife actually lands her six feet under (and knowing the fate of Sophia's dad, you'd think Farrah would be a little more concerned about an untimely death). We saw Catelynn and Tyler contemplate taking a big step in their relationship (note to Tyler: if you leap into fire, you WILL get burned. There's no "if"). We saw Amber put in her place by a kind-looking therapist ("coach"?), and we finally got the answer to a question we've all been waiting for -- is Kyle slow? Other than a bit of manufactured drama in the form of a child-support payment mix-up and a lot of fake phone calls between Farrah and "loan officers" (MTV production assistants), the first episode of Teen Mom was more of a setup for the rest of the season than an exciting hour of television.

One of the most notable scenes of the night featured a surprisingly coherent Farrah returning home after her breast augmentation. As anyone who has seen "David After Dentist" knows, most people are a bit loopy following a surgical procedure. But Farrah's attitude is so bad, it even penetrates a post-anesthesia haze, and poor Michael gets the brunt of the abuse. While Sophia waits on the steps, displaying more patience than her mother has in her left pinky finger, Michael experiences how much weight a "full C" really adds as he attempts the impossible task of making Farrah comfortable. With bags of frozen vegetables finally secured in their proper positions, Farrah even scolds Michael for telling Sophia to sit still. Every time The Beast rears her ugly head, I find myself wishing for Amber to stop by and slap her around a bit. Her sense of entitlement and pure lack of respect for other human beings is absolutely hideous.

Shows like Teen Mom are such a guilty pleasure for me, but as the girls' lives deteriorate and the facade of reality television grows thicker, I find it hard to justify the small amount of joy I get out of watching this train wreck. I can't say I'm ready to give the show up for good, but I hope that MTV will someday become at least slightly more responsible for the lives they are exploiting.

The Office: "Training Day"

2011-04-16T12:11:00.003-05:00

The Office has finally returned, and it's time to start bidding adieu to our dear Michael Scott. To Oscar, Michael's departure may be nothing more than "a lot to process, paperwork-wise," but to me it's the end of an era. I've heard mixed reviews about the first leg of Michael's race out of Scranton, "Training Day," but I was more happy than not with the episode.

The Good:

Deangelo Vickers. I truly feared the day that Will Ferrell would tread on the hallowed grounds of my beloved Office set. I've never liked the guy (no, not even in Anchorman), and I was dreadfully afraid of the frown lines I might develop after having to endure his antics for a four-episode stint. However, I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with the way Mr. Ferrell played his cards. I thought Deangelo was a perfect combination of quirky and straitlaced and definitely not overly Ferrell-ized. If The Office is going to be causing me permanent facial indentations of any sort, at least it won't be a result of a bad guest star.
Darryl's sister! Not since Dwight and Toby mistook her for Darryl and told her to eat dog food have we seen the warehouse-upgrade's baby sister. I'm glad that she has nothing better to do than deliver cowboy paraphernalia to aid in Darryl's brown-nosing, but I'm even more glad that I was reminded of one of the most hilarious hijinks people other than Michael have gotten themselves into.
Ellie Kemper. It takes a lot to get a role on a well-established show like The Office and become a standout, but that's exactly what Ellie Kemper has done. She usually gets more screen time than some of the show's veterans, but she certainly doesn't squander her chances to become a star. I think Ellie is so great at playing the ditz in a believable yet lovable way. The expression on her face when Deangelo corrected her phone greeting ("oh, assist") was key, and it proved to be one of the episode's most entertaining vignettes.

The Bad:

The office funny guy. As much as I love Ed Helms and as well as he did with the physical comedy, I hope Andy's stint as the office funny guy doesn't last for long. There's only so many times you can see a guy pour hot coffee on his crotch and not be tempted to change the channel.
Holly. Where was she? In the absence of his voice of reason, Michael was back to his usual antics. I'd have to think that if Holly was present, there was no way Michael would have attempted to trigger Deangelo's peanut allergy just because he was feeling a bit jealous of the new guy. Holly is the angel on Michael's shoulder, and it seemed a bit odd that, after making such a life-changing decision when we last saw the pair, she was nowhere to be found this week.

The Ugly:

Jim and Pam, AKA JAP. Someone tell me because I tend not to remember little details about shows I watch: were Jim and Pam always this annoying, or is it just recently? Maybe it's a true-to-life scenario where parents become so absorbed in their child's "cute" activities that they lose a grip on what's actually funny and entertaining, but Jim and Pam have become almost intolerable to me lately. I could totally sympathize with Deangelo when he told them to "just stop."

Quotable quotes:

One of the best parts of this episode was the abundance of one-liners. Here are some of my favorites:

"Everyone I know who skis is dead." - Deangelo
"One of my favorite things if fanfare for its own sake." Michael
"I happen to like the hilarious hijinks that I get myself into." Michael
"Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle." Michael (again)

What did you think of "Training Day"?

Teen Mom 2: Finale

2011-04-02T09:36:00.005-05:00

As the curtains closed on the first season of Teen Mom 2, we were reminded that old habits die hard and old dogs can't always learn new tricks. Though one of our Moms showed some growth this season, one didn't really need much growth and the other two just stayed true to their ways.

Since this was the last real episode aside from the Dr. Drew after-school special, I'd like to give each of the girls a "grade" for their performance throughout the show, rather than breaking it down into the more episode-specific Good, Bad and Ugly.

The Good:

Leah. Leah has been and still remains the most centered Mom on the show. I don't mind that MTV is giving her attention because she's a positive role model and doesn't seem to be letting the show go to her head. As I've said before, I think the support structure that Leah has in her family has a lot to do with her being so well-adjusted, but even good families can have bad seeds, and Leah definitely isn't one of them. The season culminated in her taking a leap of faith into a marriage that will hopefully last a lifetime (unless, of course, she has to take Corey "for poorer," which is apparently a hilarious concept). Leah has got a good head on her shoulders, and as long as she keeps up the way she has been, it looks like sunny skies ahead for this Teen Mom.
Chelsea. And Teen Mom 2's "Most Improved Award" goes to....Chelsea [BLEEP]. MTV is so protective of its stars' last names, but for what reason, I'm not sure. It's not like it's hard to find them on Google or if you stand in the line at the grocery store without wearing a blindfold. But regardless of Chelsea's mystery surname, she has changed for the better since crying on the toilet toward the beginning of the season. She still has a long way to go, what with the amount she still relies on her dad for just about everything, but the important part is that she seems to be free and clear of the nasty Adam virus. Now all that's left is for Chelsea to buckle her seat belt and head down the road to a high school diploma.

The Bad:

Kailyn. I know Kailyn works hard and has the right goals in mind, but I think a lot of her decisions are selfish and not made with Isaac's best interest at heart. I still can't figure out why she likes Jordan. I know it can't be his killer Spanish skills or his ways with the baby, so I think it's more out of a need to feel liked by someone. If Jo is going to act like a moron, then Kail has to find a way to fill her love tank elsewhere, to borrow a phrase from another of my favorite reality shows. It also really bothers me that, during her fight with Jo at mediation, she said to Isaac, "your dad's an asshole." Obviously Isaac doesn't understand what she's saying, but will the badmouthing really stop as he grows older? The worst thing two separated parents can do is put their child in the middle, and it seems like poor Isaac is destined to be fought over for the rest of his life. Maybe they should just let Junior adopt him and call the whole thing a wash.

The Ugly:

Jenelle. Jenelle definitely had peaks and valleys throughout the course of the season and even the episode, but in the end, she's always singing the same tune. She throws away her chances at redemption over and over again and for what? A cocaine-snorting hustler? I know I'm starting to sound like Barbara, but I can see why she's frustrated to the point of tears over trying to parent the stubborn mule that is Jenelle. Jenelle says she just wants to be loved, but what she means is she wants to be loved by a particular person, in a particular way. I will shamefully admit that I occasionally read OK! Magazine and follow the current Teen Mom news, and Jenelle has gotten nothing but negative press since the show started airing. From smoking at a gas pump to backyard brawls, the philosophy that any press is good press does not hold true for Jenelle. I almost want to petition MTV not to continue to feature her on the show because, as much as her trainwreck of a life is addicting to watch, putting an unstable person on reality television is like throwing gasoline on a fire. I can only hope Jace doesn't get burned in the process.

I'm really looking forward to the reunion with Dr. Drew to see what everyone is up to, but I hope MTV will do it justice since they're already pushing the new season of 16 and Pregnant pretty hard (though not quite as hard as Teen Wolf). As much as I enjoy watching the Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant series, I can't help but feel slightly afraid of the message these shows convey. Sure, they flash a 10-second graphic about how "teen pregnancy is 100% preventable," but at the rate MTV is churning out new teenage girls, eager to find their spot in the limelight, it may not be long before teen pregnancy shows go the way of the Real World and devolve into nothing more than a bunch of drunks hooking up in a hot tub.

*Miscellaneous tidbit: did anyone notice that Isaac's name was spelled wrong on one of the cartoon things that they do in between segments? It was written "Issac." Dear MTV, I am a great proofreader. Please hire me to keep you from looking like idiots in cases like these.

The Office: "Garage Sale"

2011-03-26T08:44:00.009-05:00

[Singing to the tune of "The Dog Days are Over"] The Office drought is over no-o-ow! We had one glorious week in Scranton after four weeks of reruns and March Madness. After such a long wait for new material, I was on heaven while watching this episode! Now we have another three weeks to process Michael's pending departure, but The Office can have all the time in the world if it continues to churn out quality viewing like "Garage Sale."

The Good:

Dwight's bartering skills. He told us that the Schrutes are farmers by hobby and traders by trade, so I don't know why I had any doubt that Dwight would play an excellent game of Bigger and Better at the Dunder Mifflin garage sale. Sure, his last trade was a little ill-advised (a telescope for Professor Copperfield's Magic Legumes), but Dwight proved his skills when he managed to convince Kelly that a half-burnt candle was the key to her romantic bliss. The next time I have some extra dryer lint that I'd like to turn into a new car, I know who I'm going to call.
Kevin's long con. Who would have thought after he eagerly pulled out his wallet to get in on the board-game betting that Kevin would be the one pulling the wool over Andy and Darryl's eyes and not the other way around? Despite Andy's J.R. Ewing impression sounding more like molasses sort of spilling out of his mouth than Texas oil baron, I would steal his money, too, if he shot my imaginary board game persona. I think Kevin is the most charming when he turns out to be smarter than he looks, so the scene of him standing there with Andy and Darryl's cold hard cash, saying, "And that is how you play Dallas" has to be one of my favorite Kevin moments in a long time.
BJ Novak. BJ was one of the only cast members that I did not get to meet when I visited the Office set, but he was one of the only cast members to thank us for the gifts we brought them, so he will always hold a special place in my heart. But I'm not making him a Good this week for purely selfish reasons. Mama Sally's Pesto and Hot Cha Cha salsa were clearly the best (and funniest) items at the garage sale (yes, even better than the very cute squid that Erin happened to have).
The proposal. Thank goodness Pam was able to talk Michael down from words spelled in flaming gasoline to a room filled with innocuous white candles. Not only was Michael's proposal safe and responsible and realistic and doable, it was absolutely perfect for the show and the characters. Those buffoons on The Bachelor should really take a page out of Michael Scott's book. From the walk down memory lane to the gang peering through the blinds to Holly's acceptance in a Yoda voice, no one says "will you marry me" better than The Office. I loved that the proposal gauntlet gave us some comic relief, but even a little humor and a whole lot of sprinklers couldn't water down the love that Michael and Holly have. If Michael was so adamant about his engagement being an event that everyone talks about always and forever, I can only imagine how epic his wedding will be. I just hope we get to see it. Series finale, anyone?

The Bad:

Missing pieces. I'd be willing to bet that a lot of "Garage Sale" action was left on the cutting room floor. I would pay at least three years' salary to see what Creed was selling at his table, and I found myself actually missing Erin and Gabe, whose presence was notably lacking, as well. But I suppose that's what deleted scenes and DVD extras are for, right?

The Ugly:

Bye-bye birdie. All season long, we've been wondering how Steve Carell will make his exit, and now we know. I'll let you in on a another little secret from our set visit. When we visited Claire (I think that was her name) in the editing room, we asked if she had any idea how Michael was going to be axed. She told us that no one really knew just yet, but that her theory was that Michael has always treated his coworkers as his family, and the only way he could truly leave Dunder Mifflin would be if he found a family elsewhere. So either sneaky Claire was lying when she said she didn't really know the answer, or her years of working on the show have left her quite in tune with the vibes of the writers. Either way, I was relatively sure this is how Michael's departure would go down. But that doesn't make it any easier. I love the supporting cast of The Office, but I can't imagine that the show will ever be quite as good without Michael Scott. Quick, let me browse through Phyllis's box of bras to get this terrible subject out of my mind!

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

John Krasinski can do a mean heel click!
How funny was it that Michael had the foresight to ask for Holly's dad's permission to marry her, yet, in true Michael Scott style, he left the entire conversation on an answering machine?

Quotable Quotes:

"If it's a problem with the neon, I could have my neon guy take a look." - Holly
"I should have burned this place down when I had the chance." - Michael
"We're moving to Colorado!" - Michael
"All of us?" - Kevin

Top Chef: "Last Supper"

2011-03-24T18:25:00.007-05:00

I tuned in to this week's Top Chef thinking that I would be watching the finale. Where did I miss the announcement that only two of the All Stars would compete for "$200,000 furnished by Buitoni and the title of Top Chef"? No matter. I'm quite happy to stretch out this, my favorite TC season, a little longer. In fact, I'm hoping that all future seasons of Top Chef will be rearrangements of previous casts. I never want to see a new Top Chef contestant again! Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but I have always wanted to see a season made up of chefs who were eliminated first. That's not too far-fetched, right? Culinary pipe dreams aside, I was on the edge of my seat for most of this hour, so let's get to the Good, Bad and Ugly, if my trembling hands will cooperate.
The Good:

Twists & turns. When Padma pulled out the dreaded envelope after Judges' Table Lite, my first reaction was similar to that of the chefs or Gob Bluth: come on! They had worked hard, made their dishes, and I wanted them to be judged accordingly, rather than giving them one more shot to make it or break it. However, after mulling it over a bit, I'm actually glad this final twist was thrown into the mix. I really think the end result was the same (Antonia's last supper dish did not seem to be as well-received as Mike's), but pushing the chefs to the upper limits of their abilities (and sanity) is what this show is all about. Not to mention that this is the All Star season, so the stakes are higher. If you can't think on the fly and cook to perfection, then get out of the kitchen.
The quickfire. Not only was bringing back some of the most difficult past quickfires a fun idea, but allowing the chefs to assign them to each other was even better. It reminds us that Top Chef is not just based on skill and skill alone. You have to have an ace up your sleeve to make it to the end.

The Bad:

Richard's strategery. It's not that Richard is too nice to stick his competitors with a tough challenge. He clearly intended on giving Mike a hard time in the quickfire, but his logic ended up backfiring. Blais may have the hair of an evil villain, but he's definitely lacking the killer instincts.

Mike's tableside manner. Mike Isabella reminds me of a used car salesman. There's something that seems so genuinely sleazy and falsely humble about him when he presents his food or accepts accolades. There's no question that he's stepped up his game since arriving in the Bahamas (more specifically, The Cove at Atlantis, in case you didn't know), but I would rather that Mike just serve his food with closed lips, lest he start rambling about low, low payments of only $99 a month.

The Ugly:

Editing spoils. I'm sure editing a reality television show is a daunting task, but in a competition, it's really quite telling when you show clips of a teary-eyed contestant in the very beginning of the episode. I pretty much knew as soon as Antonia was wiping tears from her eyes and talking about how much she wanted to be in the finale that she was going to be the one packing her knives tonight. Mike's interviews, on the other hand, were all cheery and bright (to use one of Gail's favorite words), even when he was talking about the final one-bite twist. And if the familiar Irish jig in the background while Richard was cooking and presenting his food didn't clue you in to the fact that he'd also be winning the challenge, well, then you must not have watched a lot of Top Chef.

So, there's one more week to go, and it looks like it's going to be epic. Restaurant Wars with the entire cast as sous chefs and, presumably, front of the house staff...I can't wait! Are you happy with the last two chefs standing? Who would you rather see in their place? I personally would have enjoyed a Carla/Richard showdown, but I'm definitely rooting for Richard because I don't think the man handle the weight of another disappointment. Until next week!

Teen Mom 2: "One Step Back"

2011-03-23T19:02:00.005-05:00

Wow! I guess MTV has a few children of the '80s on staff, what with the title of this episode being a continuation of last week's Paula Abdul reference. And an ode to Paula Abdul is pretty much the only explanation for the episode's name because, unless I need my head checked, it appeared to me that most of the Moms were moving forward this week. Title discrepancies aside, this was the second-to-last hour of the season, but it feels like just yesterday that Aubree, Jace, Ali, Aleeah, and Isaac were just a twinkle in the girls' prepubescent, pre-MTV lives. My, how time flies when you're a Teen Mom!

The Good:

Social Services. I'm actually shocked that Social Services would take it upon themselves to prosecute Adam for his unpaid child support, but it's a good kind of shock. I would love to see Adam go to jail and have a big, hairy man named Bubba wipe that smile right off his smug little face.

Chelsea. Okay, girl still can't get the whole "studying" thing down, but she's done a complete 180 when it comes to her relationship dependency. Maybe the Lady Gaga concert was more than just an opportunity to tease her hair and wear a sparkly outfit. It seems that Chelsea may have actually taken some of the lyrics to heart. Next thing you know, she's going to be asking Jenelle to borrow her "Free Bitch" bracelet.

Leah. I'm actually starting to wish I was Leah. She's super skinny after having twins, she occasionally has cute hair, and she makes a darn good lemonade with all the lemons life is throwing at her. I'll admit it - I shed a few tears when she said that she would still change Ali's diapers at age 50, if need be. I am planning on training my dogs to change my children's diapers, so imagine how selfless it is of a teen mom to say such a thing. Seriously, though, it breaks my heart that that is even a consideration for her, and it's also just so impressive to see the unconditional love she has for her child.

The Bad:

Adam's new girlfriend. I really hope this girl is just using him to get her 15 minutes of fame, because I can see no other reason any person in her right mind would go anywhere near this sorry excuse for a man. They say there's an ass for every seat, but I guess there's also a girl for every ass.

Kailyn's money-management skills. How does Kail still have no cash? All this talk of working two jobs, and she still has to have her mom pay to file the custody papers. She's not paying rent, so where is all the money going? I hate to say it, but I think Jo was right when he said she couldn't afford to live on her own. That doesn't mean she should have moved in with him, but she either needs to take a personal finance class or figure out how to rearrange her life so that she's a little more self-sufficient.

The Ugly:

Jenelle. I'm wondering if maybe Jenelle's old boss would consider adopting her. It's a long shot, I know, but she needs a parent who will give her a stern talking-to, and his take-no-crap attitude when she tried to "clarify" her disappearance from work is just what the Doctor (Drew) ordered. It's a sad truth that Jenelle and Barbara's relationship is a never-ending cycle of use and abuse. Jenelle takes and takes, then has the misguided idea that somehow it's never her fault when things fall apart. Someone please give this reality star a reality check, stat!

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Do you ever feel bad for the MTV camera crew who has to risk their lives daily by driving in a car with Kieffer and Jenelle? I guarantee they drive while they're high, but I wouldn't want to sit in the backseat with Jenelle at the wheel even when she's not under the influence.

Quotable Quotes:

"While you and Kieffer are having a la-di-da time, I'm busting my balls trying to g*ddamn survive on barely more than minimum wage!" I knew Barb was actually a man! No, seriously, you tell her, Bob -- I mean, Barb!

Real Housewives of Orange County

2011-03-21T06:56:00.002-05:00

So, I made it to the second round of "auditions" for the Reality Tea contributor position, and my next assignment was to recap "The Real Housewives of Orange County." I've watched this show since the beginning, unlike Miami, which I only saw for the first time last week, so it was a tad bit easier to do a write-up. Anyway, here it is. I should find out sometime this week if I'm moving through for further consideration.

As the sun rises on the county that never sleeps, our Housewives' schedules are full to the brim with lunch dates, shopping trips, and mini vacations. It's all just a typical day in the life of an O.C. bottle blonde, but is anything really ever typical when Vicki, Tamra, Alexis, Gretchen or Peggy is in the mix?

They say if the tiara fits, wear it, and Gretchen does just that. She also puts it on the license plate of her new car, but that's beside the point. Miss Rossi is still hung up on being dubbed a princess, but after rehashing Alexis's sin against the friendship yet again, the pair hops into Gretchen's new Mercedes and heads out for a little shoe shopping/meet-and-greet with new Housewife Peggy. The ladies bond over thigh-high boots and tales of their sexual conquests, though Peggy is a little skeptical of Gretchen's astrological traits and Gretchen a little wary of the length of Peggy's hemline. Not to be usurped of their title of "Ladies Who Lunch," Vicki and Tamra meet up for a mealtime bonding session of their own. The remaining member of Housewives: Classic Edition, Vicki vows that her friendship with Tamra will live to whoo-hoo another day, and it appears that all is well in Gunvalson-Barney Land.

The Bellinos need a break from the grind, so they pack their things and head to San Diego for a change of scenery. Jim may have Alexis on a short leash, but he's no match for the lady who voices his car's cell phone system. Somewhere on the west coast, Dan is still waiting for Jim's call. After the family arrives at the Rancho Bernardo Inn and Alexis does some quick algebra to justify her overpacking, they realize that, out of 12 bags, not one of them belongs to Nanny Sandra. But never fear! Their assistant will drive Sandra's bag to San Diego, and Jim has already moved on to bigger and better things, like adjusting the Feng Shui of their villa. After what was surely a good night's sleep, due solely to the removal of that desk chair's bad vibes, the Bellinos enjoy a nice breakfast, then ship the kids off to the park so that they can take care of the money that is currently burning a hole in Jim's wallet. Daddy Warbucks spends more on two watches than most people earn in a year, and Alexis proves that she truly is Jim's best accessory by doing a lot of smiling and nodding throughout the purchase.

Back in Orange County, Peggy's mother-in-law, the naturopath, has apparently stumbled on the fountain of youth, and it comes from stem cells from an apple in Switzerland. Peggy's urine says she's aging like a potato, (are you sensing a produce theme here?) but it's nothing a little hologram bracelet (and some Botox) won't fix.

Gretchen and Slade decide to head out on the open road to visit friends in Palm Springs. While she chews on a hamburger on one side of her mouth, Gretchen chews out Slade's driving skills on the other. Despite Slade's "magic penis," as Gretchen called it earlier, the constant bickering between this couple makes it hard to believe Slade's claim that they're still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. They somehow manage to make it to Palm Springs in one piece, where they promptly decide to go on a leisurely bike ride in 100-degree weather. With the Chihuahua in her bike basket and her signature cackle echoing through the streets, Gretchen is becoming eerily similar to one Almira Gulch, AKA The Wicked Witch of the West. I'm just waiting for the day when she eyes Tamra and says, "I'll get you, my pretty!"

Speaking of Tamra, she's trying her very best for a good sound bite about mysterious boyfriend Eddie. "Latin oomph"? "Who wouldn't want to hump him?" Not quite quote-worthy. "He's so humpable"? Okay, getting closer. "He kissed me back to life"? Cha-ching! We have liftoff! So now that we know more than we ever wanted about Eddie's sexual prowess, we actually get to meet the guy. Tamra and Eddie meet with their friend/third wheel Marcos for a dinner by the sea, complete with romantic sunset and – wait, are those Snuggies? The presence of a third person at the table couldn't deter Tamra and Eddie from some starting their foreplay just a tad too early. Check, please! Back at Eddie's house, Tamra ran a bath and put on her best "come hither" gaze. Eddie needed a little liquid confidence before stripping in front of a camera crew, so he quickly downed his glass of wine and joined Tamra in the tub to prove how humpable he really is.

As the door surreptitiously shuts on Eddie's bathroom/love den, another episode of "The Real Housewives" comes to a close. The girls were somewhat isolated this week, and while it was nice to get a glimpse of their lives apart from the group, it will be good to get them back together for some good old-fashioned Bravo fireworks. Until next time, "here's to friendship and whoo-hooing it up!"

Top Chef: "Island Fever"

2011-03-19T09:06:00.006-05:00

If Richard fails to take home the All Stars title and decides to turn his back on cooking forever, I think he could find another career in writing show synopses for TV Guide. What better description of Top Chef have you heard than, "Cooking with not enough time, not enough equipment, and a twist." That about sums it up! It was an interesting week in the (outdoor) kitchen, though I suspect it would have been a bit more interesting had Carla stuck around to dive for conch. I've been baking bread and growing a beard, so I feel fully prepared to write about the semi-finals. Here goes nothing!

The Good:

Mad skills. If you pulled the head chef from your favorite restaurant, dropped him on an island and instructed him to cook a meal, what are the chances it would turn out to be as successful as the contestants' dishes were in this episode? Probably slim to none. Granted, Mike, Richard, Antonia and Tiffany are accustomed to Top Chef's style of cookery, but you have to admit that their feats this week were pretty impressive. Cooking a meal on a beach without getting even one grain of sand in the food? Now that's what I call talent.

The results. Even though Tiffany served up a pretty decent meal, I couldn't have handled it if she had made it to the top three. I'm already sitting here thinking that it's a crying shame that Dale and Angelo are nowhere in sight, so Tiffany's exit was the saving grace of the integrity of the show, in my opinion. In every reality competition show, there is always the phenomenon of those who ride coattails or get by staying under the radar. I'm not denying that Tiffany is more talented than 95% of chefs in the country, but she just hasn't proved herself enough throughout this season to deserve a run for the grand prize.

The Bad:

The quickfire. I really liked the concept of the quickfire challenge: testing the chefs' consistency and precision. However, why do a team challenge with only four contestants remaining? I think they could have easily made this an individual challenge by asking them to create only 50 plates instead of 100, so I'm not sure why the producers opted to pair everyone up. It's Top Chef, singular, not Top Chefs, plural (or Top Scallop, for that matter).
Padma's showboating. I think there are two possible explanations for Padma's bikini moment in this episode. One, Bravo is trying to increase their straight male viewership. Two, Padma is rooting for Richard and Mike and wanted to give a blow to the girls' egos right before the elimination challenge. Either way, I'm not sure what the point was of wearing a skimpy bikini to greet the chefs at the dock.

The Ugly:

Boys' club. The Nassau Yacht Club wasn't the only exclusive group on Top Chef this week. Richard and Mike immediately paired up in the quickfire challenge, and I'm getting tired of hearing them say in their confessionals that Tiffany and Antonia don't cook interesting or challenging food. You would think that, after competing with them (and often losing to them, at least in Antonia's case) all season, the boys would have a little more respect for their female competition. But instead they just complain or make excuses when the ladies are given accolades instead of just giving credit where credit is due. Sour grapes, anyone?

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Was anyone else a little surprised that none of the chefs were even a little skeptical about the truth behind the concept of the elimination challenge? After being told last week that they were cooking for Bahamian royalty and then ending up in a fish shack, I think it would take a little convincing that the "Nassau Yacht Club" was not actually code for "aboriginal cannibals who speak only in clicks and pops."

Quotable Quotes:

"Does anybody have a machete?" - On what other cooking show would you hear such craziness? This is why I love Top Chef!

So, who are you rooting for now that it's down to three? Do you think that Richard can combat Mike Isabella's winning streak? Does Antonia even have a chance? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Teen Mom 2: "Two Steps Forward"

2011-03-17T18:17:00.005-05:00

Can anyone read the phrase "two steps forward" and NOT think of Paula Abdul? Okay, good. Glad it's not just me. All of our Moms took two steps forward this week, with many changes going on in each of their lives, but just because you're going forward doesn't mean you're on the right path.

*If it's your first time here, make sure to hover over the pictures to get the full effect*

The Good:

Junior. Unlike Kieffer's brother Chris, (who now owes DJ Jazzy Jeff $1,000 for copyright infringement, by the way), Jo's brother, Junior, is not a deadbeat. We don't see much of him, but we hear about him all the time because it seems like he's constantly watching Isaac. I know Isaac is his nephew, but still, I hope he's getting paid for watching him so often.

Randallicious. Do I like that Randy let Chelsea sweet-talk him into Lady Gaga tickets and a night on the town? No. But we all know he has a weak spot in his wallet for his daughter. The reason why he's a Good this week is because the man cracks me up! I love his meal times with Chelsea because they give us priceless nuggets like, "A fairy tale has to have a prince, not a toad" and "Who's this Lady Gaga?" I'm thinking about starting a Twitter account (which will eventually be turned into a disappointing television series) called $h*! Chelsea's Dad Says.

A mother's intuition. I think Leah and, more surprisingly, Chelsea had some great insight this week into their personal situations. Who can blame Leah, an 18-year-old girl who's only been with her fiance for a few months, for questioning her decision to get married? And when she felt a bit of doubt come creeping in, she didn't just push it down and dismiss it. She shared it with Corey, who didn't have the best reaction, but a marriage isn't about holding back your feelings to spare someone else from a little bit of heartache (That reminds me: Guy, I think that favorite sweater of yours is hideously ugly). Whether or not Corey is the man she should marry is something only Leah can decide, but if she stays true to herself like she has thus far, I think any marriage she commits to will be a success. As for Chelsea, she finally got some clarity when it comes to Adam. She may still need her friends' instruction to delete Adam's Facebook comments, but her realization that "It doesn't work if you do it backwards" is one of the wisest things I've heard come out of her mouth all year.

The Bad:

Adam. If I had a magic wand, I would point it at Adam and say, "Begone!" Please, MTV, don't subject us to any more quad riding on the streets of South Dakota with this fool. If a Teen Mom kicks her baby's daddy to the curb, that's the last I want to see of him, too.

Kail and Jo. I think these two are my least favorite couple because neither one of them is very endearing. From a drama perspective, I would rather watch Amber slap Gary around or see Barbara plea with Jenelle not to throw her life away before sitting through another five minutes of Kailyn and Jo bickering about a garbage bag and an unsigned check. No wonder Janet wanted them to resolve things in their relationship!

The Ugly:

Jenelle. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be Jenelle's mom. I imagine there would be a lot of "Don't talk to me like I'm your little friend down the street" and "I brought you into this world and I can take you out" kind of talk. There would also be a lot of head shaking. Jenelle knows right from wrong, and she knew it wasn't right to take her mom's credit cards, but she did it anyway. If she had sat for a moment and thought it through, she may have realized that not only is taking your mother's credit cards without permission stupid, but it will also blow your cover of saying you're going to Myrtle Beach when you're actually going to New Jersey. So, a double whammy there. But Jenelle acts first, thinks second, denies third. She's the epitome of the Paula Abdul song I mentioned earlier, taking two steps forward, then two steps back.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Remember when Kailyn's friend said of Jordan, "Dumb people can be fun sometimes"? That's kind of how I feel about Corey. When he suggested to Leah that they take a survey of their friends and family to see how many thought they should get married, I laughed out loud. And his accent only compounds the Forrest Gump-ness. Poor Corey.

What did you think of this week's Teen Mom? Do you have any sympathy for Kailyn or Jo? Do you think Jace is going to have hearing loss from Jenelle yelling in his ear? Did you detect a slight smile on Randy's face when he talked about Chelsea breaking up with Adam? Leave a comment!

Glee: "Original Song"

2011-03-16T19:04:00.006-05:00

Glee finally decided to drop the social agenda, at least for 95% of the episode, and I think it was better for it. For the first time in a long time, Glee focused on the music with 10, count 'em, 10 songs in this episode. The way I felt watching Glee go back to basics in "Original Song" is kind of like the warm, fuzzy feeling I get when MTV plays a music video. This is how things are supposed to be!

The Good:

Glee's self-awareness. Sometimes, while I'm eating generic Raisinets and watching Glee, something happens on the show and I think of a snarky comment in my head that I will later use in this blog. Then, almost immediately, a character on the show expresses the same sentiment that I just had in my chocolate-covered haze of a viewing party. Though it can be frustrating for my writing mojo, I appreciate it when Glee has some self-awareness. For instance, when Kurt deemed The Warblers "Blaine & The Pips" or when Rachel said, "I cry every time I sing a solo," I felt like that was Glee giving me a subtle wink and saying, "Don't worry. We know where you're coming from." And who doesn't like to be winked at by one of their favorite shows every so often? Glee really knows how to make a girl feel loved.

Original songs! The Glee clubbers were way beyond rhyming books with their song-writing capabilities that seem to have appeared out of thin air, but I didn't mind. "Trouty Mouth"? "Big Ass Heart"? "Hell to the No"? More, please! Not only were these songs a welcome change in style from the Top 40 stuff that I normally complain about, but they were hilarious and catchy, too! I'm sure I'll have "guppy fa-a-a-a-ace" stuck in my head for quite some time.

The Bad:

Quinn. Her voice-over at the beginning of the episode felt strangely out of place, and, more importantly, Quinn seems to be morphing into a Sue Jr., except drastically less entertaining. Her collection of tiaras and her obsession with getting her way remind me a lot of Sue and her vices. The only reason Quinn isn't an Ugly this week is because we didn't see enough of her to push her down into the bowels of bloggery.

Get It Right. The song itself wasn't that bad, but can The New Directions seriously let Rachel sing an entire number on her own and still win a group competition? That doesn't seem fair. I mean, at least The Warblers make beatboxing noises in the background while Blaine does his thing. Most of the New Directions weren't even on stage for this number. Give Rachel the spotlight some other time and focus on the team at Sectionals (Regionals? What the heck is the difference? What day is it?).

The Ugly:

Kathy Griffin. I like Kathy. I really do. I've defended her against my husband's criticisms many times. But this cameo was exactly what I don't like about Glee. What was the point of having her come in and do a blatant parody of Sarah Palin? It wasn't even funny (or timely, for that matter). I don't know if it was Kathy's idea or the producers', but I think the opportunity for a great guest role was lost on this one.

Miscellaneous:

Did Kurt seriously pull out a cassette tape for his tribute to Pavarotti? What child born after 1990 even knows what one of these is? And The Warblers just had a tape player right there in their board room? Unless this is Harry Potter and they were meeting in The Room of Requirement, I have to call B.S.

Quotable Quotes:

"I don't even remember putting that in there." Brittany, re: the dirt Sue put in her locker
"Guys, just think about it. What's your favorite song of all time?" - Mr. Schue

"My Headband." - Brittany

Real Housewives of Miami: "Waterfront and Center"

2011-03-16T07:08:00.008-05:00

This isn't in my usual blogging style, but I wrote a recap of last night's Real Housewives of Miami to submit for a potential writing position on Reality Tea, so I figured, why let it go to waste? I found that writing with a stricter format is, naturally, more challenging for me, especially in an hour-long show that jumps back and forth a lot. Plus, the recap was supposed to be limited to around 550 words. Mine was around 675, but it was too hard to cut anything else out. I mean, what's an extra 125 words if they're highly entertaining and hilarious, right? Wish me luck!

The Recap:
Lizards and bunnies and pig roasts – oh, my! This week's "Real Housewives of Miami" was filled with all creatures, great and small, along with the usual dose of Housewife cattiness.

Larsa, in a misguided attempt at good parenting, passed out reptiles like they're $10 bills. Neither she nor Scottie is too keen on the idea of caring for the little guys, however, so naturally, the job is delegated to the nannies. "They're still not dead, so it's cute," Larsa said, referring to her sons' pets, but I wasn't entirely convinced she was talking about the animals and not her hired help. Furthering the dead animal theme, the Echeverrias decided to host a pig roast, so Alexia strapped on her "casual" heels for a trip to the farm with Herman and her sons. Unfortunately, she forgot to wear her Louis Vuitton nose plugs, so the smell of swine in the morning put a damper on the outing.

Meanwhile, Marysol and Philippe sat down for what could have been either a nice business meeting or perhaps a marriage proposal, but it was hard to tell by the couple's demeanor. Philippe had taken all the traditional steps in preparing for an engagement: asking his bride-to-be's father for her "hands," buying a large piece of jewelry from her mother, and, presumably, rehearsing his heartfelt emotions over and over until they became almost robotic in delivery. Would it kill him to sound a little more convincing when comparing his fiancée to an industrial operation?

We were treated to a brief glimpse into Lea's personal style, or lack thereof, during a shopping excursion with friends. But friends don't let friends dress like Lady Gaga meets Blanche Devereaux, so a BFF Lourdes is not. Surprisingly, Lea chose an outfit of basic black for the pig roast, but boring attire didn't stop her from expressing herself in other ways. From her shock and disgust at the main course to her lack of faith in Marysol's relationship, Lea, with some help from her Pinot Noir, was not holding back.

A little snark wasn't enough to deter Marysol from her plans to elope, however, so her mom paid a visit to help her choose a dress for the pending nuptials. Though it appeared as if Elsa had been lured to Marysol's home under the guise of receiving free food, she was more than happy to dole out compliments (and dire warnings to avoid "r-r-rolling down" the mountain), despite the fact that she has lost count of the number of times her daughter has been married. When Marysol finally arrived in Aspen and the moment of truth was at hand, she openly expressed a bit of hesitation at committing to a lifetime with her "cheri." If matching sweaters and sweet nothings whispered during après-ski can't convince her, I don't know what can. Let's just hope, at least for the sake of Philippe's green card, that the third time's the charm for Marysol.

Alexia and Cristy, AKA Barbie and Skipper, showed their support of the Miami fashion community by lending their fabulous bods to a local designer for an upcoming show. Alexia looked amazing in the gowns she tried on. Cristy, on the other hand, could have used a little more fabric and a little less maraca. Before you could say "arriba," Cristy was off to lunch with an old friend, ready to proclaim Lea "The Tackiest of Them All." Her fashion choices may raise eyebrows, but Lea proved that she can be honest and caring (with a requisite dash of abrasiveness) during her heart-to-heart with Adriana. Financial hardships, ex-husband woes, and spats with her fiancé have initiated Adriana into the School of Hard Knocks, but with Lea by her side, she'll be able to see past the brim of that floppy hat and into her bright future in no time.

Though we're already more than halfway through this short, six-episode season of "The Real Housewives of Miami," they've packed quite a punch so far. Do you agree that good things come in small packages, or are you left wanting more from our spicy ladies?

Top Chef: "Fit for a King"

2011-03-13T18:01:00.004-05:00

So the Final Five have made it to the Bahamas. The climate may be more tropical and Padma's outfits more skimpy, but not much else has changed since we last saw our Top Chef contestants in New York City. Mike is still as arrogant as ever, Richard as nervous and Tiffany as boring. Here's the Good, Bad and Ugly from "Fit for a King."

The Good:

The quickfire. Not only was Fort Charlotte the perfect setting for a throwdown against chefs of yore, but the concept of the quickfire challenge was fun, as well -- a little "Top Chef meets Iron Chef". I could tell by the bags under Richard's eyes that he wasn't lying when he claimed to have cooked every fish that swims within 100 miles of the island, so I'm sure he was disappointed when the secret ingredient was not, in fact, the rare Sharpnose Puffer but instead, a painfully common rack of veal. And he didn't even get to chase it down and kill it himself. Regardless of Richard's potential disappointment with the ingredients, he, along with Tiffany and Mike Isabella, pulled off an upset against their respective "Iron Chefs." Carla and Antonia failed to take home the 10 grand and the pride that goes along with winning a quickfire, and it was only the beginning of a disappointing episode for the two strongest women competitors.

The Bad:

The elimination challenge. The "royalty" twist really wasn't that surprising, and the fryer fire only made for a slightly more exciting end of the evening. For the first challenge of the finale, I was disappointed. First of all, I would have liked to have seen the chefs shop for ingredients. I think it's more fun to watch them go to the store or a local market and choose from what's there, rather than just taking their pick from the Top Chef kitchen. I also didn't understand why Tom was explaining their dishes to the other judges rather than having the chefs present the dishes themselves. Though the equipment limitations threw some of the chefs for a loop, I wish this challenge could have been a little more creative by design.
Assumptions. You know what they say when you assume... After being on two seasons of Top Chef, you should know that things are never as they seem. So not only was it disappointing that most of the chefs were duped by the premise of serving royalty, but it was also silly that they bought into the idea that the King of Junkanoo wouldn't enjoy classy food as much as the real King of the Bahamas (if there even is such a thing). How many challenges have we seen on Top Chef involving children or other blue collar clients, where the cheftestants get scolded for dumbing down their concepts to fit their audience? So what if King Vola's palate isn't as refined as Queen Elizabeth's? Gail's bad spray tan aside, it's her, Tom and Padma who are the end all, be all, so they're the ones you should be trying to please.

The Ugly:

Self-doubt. Richard and Carla were my two favorites of the remaining chefs. Now that Carla is gone, I can only hope that Nervous Nelly will stop psyching himself out and bring home the bacon. It's so sad to see such successful professionals struggle so deeply with self-doubt and negativity. Carla was really a victim of circumstance in the quickfire challenge, but she held on to the feeling of failure and carried it through to the elimination challenge. If her MacGyver skills in real life are anything like what they were in the kitchen, I would not want to be trapped on a crashing airplane with only Carla, a tablecloth and a paperclip. Richard, on the other hand, admitted to worrying about everything and hating everything he makes. If that's not the understatement of the century, then Mike Isabella hasn't gained 20 pounds since season six. I can understand being a perfectionist and fearing failure, but Richard's got to have a little more confidence in what he does. You don't make it to the finale of two seasons of Top menChef on luck and personality alone (which is why Fabio isn't walking his pet turtle on the shores of Nassau).

Next week's episode looks as if it continues the Survivor motif that's appeared throughout Top Chef All Stars, and I can't wait to see the chefs duke it out yet again. What did you think of "Fit for a King"?

Teen Mom 2: "Slippery Slope"

2011-03-10T20:40:00.006-05:00

Oh, it's slippery, all right. If you watched the preview for next week's episode, you know that this week's "Teen Mom 2" was just a prelude to all hell breaking loose. In the meantime, though, we have plenty to discuss without looking so far ahead, so let's get to it.

The Good:

Grandmas. I'd like to think that a mother-daughter relationship is something unique and special - something that, no matter how broken it may seem, is never fully beyond repair. So I was happy to see that the Grandmas were all batting a thousand this week, even when their daughters continually struck out. It was sweet of Leah's mom to spring for the wedding gown Leah wanted, despite the $1,000 price tag. That's a lot of money, even for someone who doesn't live in a trailer and pronounce "eye" like "ahh." I suppose maybe MTV could give them a cash advance, but I hope Dawn doesn't have to pawn her family heirlooms to pay for the rest of the wedding. Kailyn's mom, Suzi, also came through by taking Kail in when she needed a roof over her head (it's about time) and also standing up for her when she didn't even totally deserve it. I didn't see Kailyn's episode of "16 and Pregnant," so I don't know the full background of the relationship between these two, but I think Suzi was completely reasonable in her house rules and completely generous in her involvement in the Jo situation. Lastly, even Barbara was a star Grandma this week. She was even-keeled and honest with Jenelle in regard to her expectations and her hopes for the future. She also kept her temper when, yet again, Jenelle abused her trust. Sometimes Barbara gets these goofy grins when things are going her way that just utterly kill me. She seems so simple-minded and innocent, and I tend to forget the witch that lurks just beneath the kooky smiles. But ignorance is bliss, and as long as Barbie keeps the witch in check, I'm on her side.

Ali. Was this Ali's week or what? She's got a brand-new pair of specs, her MRI came back clean, and she can roll from her belly to her back! I'm rooting for Little Chubby Legs. She deserves a break!

The Bad:

Dr. Lubicky's bedside manner. This guy irked me the first time he examined Ali, and it seems that he hasn't gotten much better at patient relations. Maybe the cameras make him nervous, but he really doesn't have the most eloquent way with words.

Jenelle's judgments. Why is it so hard for this girl to play by the rules? Maybe because she's young and dumb, but it's difficult to sympathize with someone who makes so many stupid decisions. She says she just wants someone to love her, but what she doesn't realize is that "love" doesn't equate to always getting your way. Remember when your parents said, "we're doing this for your own good"? Jenelle doesn't really grasp that concept. It's her way or the highway, or, in the case of the New Jersey road trip, both.

Chelsea's relationship meter. In La-La Land, otherwise known as Chelsea's brain, a trip to the fair can either make or break a relationship that, to the rest of the world, is already smashed to smithereens. Not did Adam balk at paying the $5 entrance fee, but he couldn't keep his sleazy eyeballs from wandering to the undoubtedly pathetic girls who make up his sexual history. Adam would make out with the Bearded Lady if she offered him free admission to the Freak Show (everybody cheats, right?), so I still can't figure out why Chelsea gives him so many chances. It's hard to take her reprimands seriously when she has a smirk on her face the whole time, and ultimately it was Adam who put the kibosh on their domestic "bliss." Maybe a rich woman offered to feed him grapes and fan him with palms while he plays "Call of Duty" all day, but I was somewhat disappointed that Chelsea lost her chance to truly put him in his place.

The Ugly:

Kailyn. She's really been rubbing me the wrong way lately. I get that she works hard to balance two jobs, school, and being a mother, but she's a bit ungrateful for what other people are handing her on a silver platter. $600 is nothing to scoff at, and I don't blame Jo for wanting a payback before releasing Kailyn's belongings. He had no obligation to lend her that money, and she doesn't seem to have even tried to pay him back. Can she honestly not even scrape together $100 to just appease him and smooth over the situation? I think she needs to spend a little less time rock climbing and eating at diners and a little more time thinking about opening a savings account.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

In the background of one of the shots at Chelsea's house, I noticed a large photograph of her in a Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair type pose, holding Aubree. Really?? No one wants to see that.

What did you think about Teen Mom 2 this week? Do you think our Moms will ever be able to climb back to the top of their slippery slopes?

Glee: "Sexy"

2011-03-09T19:16:00.006-05:00

In the words of Salt 'N Pepa, let's talk about sex, baby*. Since Glee just can't resist the hot topics, we were treated (?) to an episode where we got "the ditty on the dirty." I knew the sexisode was coming, so I braced myself for yet another hour of grimacing and shaking my head, but, I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised with the results of Glee getting its sexy back**.

The Good:

Burt. How much does Mike O'Malley get paid per episode? Whatever it is, I vote we pay him that amount per word. Some day, when Kurt graduates from high school or the Hellmouth opens and absorbs McKinley High (wait, wrong show), I will passionately petition for a spin-off starring The Hummels.

What Burt said. I don't just love Burt's character for his hat-wearing, putting-Blaine-in-his-place ways. I actually really appreciated the inclusion of his sex talk with Kurt, and I think it helped a lot with my position on the episode as a whole. My opinions on sex & love tend to be in line with Kurt's (I've tried watching those movies, but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers and, god, what would their mothers think and why would you get that tattoo there?) so I was afraid of what questionable values Glee would try to enforce on us this week. However, if you take away the polar extremes of the utterly ridiculous celibacy club and the free-loving Holly Holliday, I think what Burt said to Kurt is a perfectly happy medium. From Jersey Shore and their smushing to CSI and its portrayal of "rainbow parties," a lot of the media would have us believe that sex is rampant among teenagers. And while I'm not going to contend that kids aren't doing it, I can only hope that one day, when I have a teenager, I can convey to them the message that Burt tried to get across to Kurt -- yes, sex is fun, but it makes you vulnerable and it matters. You matter. The mechanics and the risks are explained just fine by a pamphlet, but what I want my kids to know is that dignity and self-respect are a big part of the equation, too. I'm already planning on buying the Season 2 DVDs so I can pop them in, in 20-odd years and let old B.H. tell my children about the birds and the bees. We'll still be using DVDs in 2031, right?

Santana. I really like that we've been seeing a different side of Santana this year. She's super hot and super bitchy, but the girl has a softer side, and I, for one, like it. Her locker conversation with Brittany was another one of those moments where I'm glad I haven't given up on this show. What I want to know is this: are the writers the same on every episode of Glee? Because whoever wrote this one should keep it up. It is possible for Glee to be both entertaining and meaningful. It may be rare, but when they get it right, they get it right.

The Bad:

Emma. Can someone please remind this twerp that she is married to Uncle Jesse? Emma's ultraconservative, germophobic ways are no longer cute. They're just ultra-annoying. Maybe Sue will push her down the stairs in a quest to become McKinley's new guidance counselor. We can only hope.

Brittany. At the conclusion of their "Landslide" performance, Brittany looked at Santana and asked, "Is that really how you feel?" So you mean to tell me that the girl who thinks babies come from storks and gets confused over the most important meal of the day somehow understood the garbled message in a song originally written from a daughter to a father? Not buying it.

PLauren/Luck. Whatever you want to call them, I am sick of this couple. I might be weight-ist, I don't know. I'm just struggling with the sheer impossibility that such a couple would ever exist for longer than a millisecond. Maybe it would be more believable if Mark Salling was a better actor, but I get the feeling that he wants to gag every time he has to share so much as a romantic glance with Ashley Fink. You can have all the witty banter in the world, but if the on-screen chemistry is lacking, the next Ross & Rachel you are not.

Gross underestimations. Will remarked that he had seen how a teenage pregnancy can turn someone's world upside down. Um, he isn't talking about Quinn's pregnancy, right? Because in that case, Glee would have us believe that labor is over and done with before you can say "Freddie Mercury," and you can subsequently give your baby up for adoption, drop the pregnancy pounds and regain your spot as head cheerleader without ever giving it a second thought. I wouldn't exactly call that "turning someone's world upside down."

The Ugly:

Quinn. I guess now that Santana has a heart, someone has to take the spot of Supreme Bitch, and apparently Quinn is next in line for the crown. But it's not just the character or her unfortunate storylines that are bothering me; I can't stand Dianna Agron's voice! Not every line has to be delivered with a breathy, sexy tone...even if this is the sex episode!

The Warblers. Despite their ability to breakdance in a bubble storm, the Warblers are so unimpressive to me. Every song they sing is just an auto-tuned, Kids Bop type version of the Billboard flavor of the moment. I'm guessing these performances help Glee's presence on the iTunes charts, but I think the show is at its best when they stay far away from the auto-tune dial.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Kurt's "sexy" dancing reminded me of Billy Crystal in "When Harry Met Sally"

Quotable Quotes:

"My sex tape with J.D. Sallinger was a disaster."

What are your thoughts & opinions on "Sexy"?

*How was this song not in the episode?
**How was this song not in the episode?

Top Chef: "Give Me Your Huddled Masses"

2011-03-06T09:43:00.005-05:00

Remember when I said a few weeks ago that the Top Chef competitors seemed to be confused as to what reality show in which they were participating? Well, it seems as if the producers are a bit confused too, what with the tearful family reunions this week being a page right out of Survivor's book. If only the husband, wife and mothers had to compete in the challenge rather than acting only as passive judges. Nonetheless, I thought this was an all-around great episode of Top Chef. Here's the Good, Bad and Ugly from "Give Me Your Huddled Masses."

The Good:

The quickfire. The design of this quickfire was great. I really liked seeing the chefs being constrained to a limited number of ingredients and cooking methods. I also loved that they weren't given a specific time for the challenge. Instead, they had to whip up an edible dish in the time it took for their ferry to travel from dock to dock. Now that's a true test of a chef's creativity. I have to say, I may start wearing a bracelet embroidered with the letters WWBD, for What Would Blais Do, because the man has a solution for pretty much every culinary conundrum that comes his way. Though his ego usually anoints himself the king of every challenge, I d agree that his hot dog creation should have won over Carla's carrot-juice-soaked oranges. Richard was resourceful and creative, the key to winning almost any quickfire challenge.
The elimination challenge. Maybe it was just an excuse for the producers to spill the beans on Mike and Antonia's shared branch of their family trees, but I really liked the concept and execution of this week's elimination challenge. Antonia's "good nose" may have been able to sniff out Padma's perfume at the chefs' apartment earlier in the day, but when she hazarded a guess on the elimination challenge (base jumping off a building and frying an egg before hitting the ground), she was a bit off. Regardless of Antonia's inability to sniff out the family reunion challenge, though, it was fun to see the frazzled chefs getting a chance to pore over their ancestries with a loved one. Surprisingly absent was any mention of Carla's Fraggle lineage, but we did discover the roots of Richard's competitive spirit and Tiffany's laugh (so piercing that my dogs actually stopped what they were doing to stare at the television). And apparently, the added pressure of cooking for family helped each chef execute a near-perfect dish. I feel an idea for a new series coming on -- Top Chef: Families. Each chef is paired with a member of their family who is not nearly as skilled with a knife. It could work. Call me, Andy Cohen.

The Bad:

Padma's big trick. Okay, it was no surprise to the viewers that Padma wasn't really telling Richard to pack his knives and go, but she almost gave the poor guy a stroke for no good reason! If you've ever wanted to see someone's heart break right before your eyes, this was your chance. I hope that Top Chef will have medics at the ready for the next few eliminations, because if Blais reaches the end of his road, a defibrillator might be necessary.

The Ugly:

Indecisive judges. I thought for sure that the photo of Mikey's flaming dance costume and the burning towel at his feet in the kitchen were foreshadowing for his ultimate demise. But evidently a good nose must run in the family because Antonia's mom suggested that the judges have a final five and -- what do you know? -- it came to be. There are three ways the judges could have arrived at the decision to send all of the contestants to the finale: 1. They truly value Antonia's mom's opinions (not likely) 2. They had planned on sending all five chefs to the finale, regardless of the results of this challenge. 3. The chefs really did make such good meals that sending anyone home would have been a case of splitting hairs. Though I think option number three is the most likely of a choice for how this decision went down, it's still a bit disappointing. Maybe I just feel that Tiffany has worn out her welcome, and I'd like to see her two-step it back to Texas. But even if Carla had gone home instead, at least it wouldn't have been a cop-out. Top Chef has to have winners and losers. There is always a dish that is dubbed inferior to the others. If I wanted to see a trophy awarded to all participants, I'd go to a kindergarten T-ball tournament. I wish that Tom and crew had been a little less wishy-washy and followed the challenge protocol rather than taking the easy way out.

So now it's off to the Bahamas with a cast of five. Any predictions on the winner of Top Chef: All Stars?

Teen Mom 2: "Pushing the Limit"

2011-03-02T19:18:00.006-05:00

This week's episode, "Pushing the Limit," showed our Moms testing the boundaries of their relationships. And, like a baby bounced on Corey's knee at warp speed, the girls were, understandably, a bit rattled at the end of the hour.

The Good:

The Mamas and the Papas. I think each of the girls had good support from their parents this week. Randy and Chelsea had a nice father-daughter bonding session at the playground, and he offered up some words of advice to Chelsea, which, I'm sure, went in one ear and out the other (but that's beside the point). Kailyn reluctantly sat through a talk with Janet on the state of affairs with her and Jo, and while I still feel like Janet should focus a little more on how her son treats Kailyn to begin with, I do think her heart is in the right place. She only wants to encourage Kailyn to work on the relationship rather than fleeing into the arms of a giant man-child whose idea of a romantic evening is a Guitar Hero jam session followed by an invigorating round of laser tag. Leah's family is by her side, as always, so there's nothing new there, but I even sided with Barbara this week when it came to how she treated Jenelle. Aside from the greeting of, "Oh, what are you doing here?" when Jenelle first showed up, Barbara welcomed her and her "damn lying hustler" boyfriend back into her home with only a few simple requests: don't use the inside broom to sweep the outside, don't eat the baby's food, and don't do drugs on the front porch. It really wasn't a hard regimen to follow. Still, it's no surprise that Jenelle blew it. Though 75% of the Moms didn't take their parents' advice to heart, I was still glad to see some quality parenting by their dear old moms and dads.

The Bad:

Adam. Is this kid really such a giant loser, or does he just play one on television? Not only did Adam have a continuous, as my mom would say, "shit-eating grin" on his face, but he kept breaking the fourth wall and looking at the camera while making his asinine comments. Adam is a lazy, disrespectful bum, and if I were Chelsea, I would take a note out of Kevin McCallister's book and give him till the count of 10 to get his ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property.

The Ugly:

Needy moms. Seeing Chelsea's scramble to tighten the reins on Adam and Jenelle's tear-filled rant about wanting to feel loved just makes me feel like something went drastically wrong in these girls' developing years to taint their view of a healthy relationship. It's a bit easier to pinpoint the source of Jenelle's sorrows, what with the absent father and mother who thinks "here, have a bracelet," is a sufficient solution to a baby's disappointment, but where did Chelsea get the misguided idea that the way Adam treats her is acceptable? I think we need to send her to a few "Girl Power" seminars to make her realize that she is good enough, smart enough, and, doggone it, people like her. She doesn't have to settle for a deadbeat dad who equates working hard with hardly working. I've had my issues with Chelsea and Jenelle's life choices in the past, but I think both of them (and their children) could benefit from a few lessons in self-worth.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

If Leah's family thought Corey's proposal was redneck, how will they feel going to a wedding at Coonskin Park?

What are your thoughts on "Pushing the Limit"?

Teen Mom 2: "Switching Gears"

2011-02-27T11:24:00.008-05:00

It was a somewhat calm week in Teen Mom-ville, but we still had a few big developments with the girls. Leah got engaged, Aubree started walking, and Barbara wasn't an evil witch. Read on for this week's Good, Bad & Ugly.

The Good:

Corey's knot-tying skills. You'd have to either have a really cheap ring or be mighty confident in your ability to tie a good fisherman's knot to pull of this kind of proposal. Luckily it went off without a hitch.

Jenelle & Barbara. I honestly didn't think they'd ever make it to this category, and, by the looks of next week's preview, they should probably relish this spot while they still can. Apparently Barbara took her meds this week because she and Jenelle were actually able to hold a civil conversation. And what's that I hear? Was that a compliment that just came out of Barbara's mouth? She actually told Jenelle that she's proud of her. Even though she slightly dissed Kieffer when expressing her hope that Jenelle would meet a cute guy "with potential," the grin on her face while she said it was too funny not to excuse the rude remark. On Jenelle's end, she managed to find a job (though it didn't look like the most challenging job interview in the world) and start college. I think, deep down, Jenelle is a pretty intelligent girl, but she's got a lot of barriers, many of them self-inflicted, on her road to success.

Leah. Every week I talk about the strength of Leah and Corey's relationship and their unnatural maturity for their age. But this week, I was simply impressed with Leah alone. She takes hit after hit in Ali's health battle, but never once has her first concern been her own suffering or hardships. I know if it were me, there'd probably be at least one whimper of "why me?" but Leah has been solely focused on her daughter's future, not her own. And what better sign of a good mother is there than a willingness to self-sacrifice for your child.

The Bad:

Chelsea's lack of ambition. Sorry, Chels, but moving and reuniting with your baby daddy do not qualify as life changes that are potentially detrimental to your studies. Having a baby in your teens? Okay, that's fair, but if Jenelle finished high school, there's no reason you can't. I don't really know if there will be any impact on Chelsea's life for choosing to get a "Good Enough Diploma" over a conventional one, but I think it's sad that she's taking the easy way out yet again. Kailyn is working two jobs, going to college and taking care of a baby. Chelsea is tanning, giving herself horrible hairstyles and trying to get Adam out of bed. There's no reason a few high-school classes can't be squeezed into that "demanding" schedule.

The Ugly:

Bitter Betties. Jo and Kieffer win the Ugly award this week for their sour-puss attitudes. Kieffer brazenly made the blanket statement that "if you can't get a job in Wilmington, you're a dud-muffin," but he's starting to look a little doughy, if you ask me. I'm sure he's not applying for positions that require NASA-worthy intelligence or the etiquette skills of Emily Post, so I don't know why he isn't having any success on his job hunt, but the least he could do is be a little more supportive of his sugar mama. Is it Jenelle's fault that you don't know what psychology is? No. So why don't you humor her and take a look at her restaurant menu? As for Jo, hasn't he learned that sending vicious text messages is never a good idea? It's one thing to spew nasty comments in the heat of an argument, but to put them in writing is never smart. I can't decide why he is hanging on to Kailyn so tightly; it seems that it's most likely out of a bruised ego for being rejected, but Jo needs to grow up and start finding better ways to express his emotions.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

When I saw the way Corey proposed, I thought it was really cute and creative -- much better than a candlelit dinner and roses, in my opinion. But it's funny that both Leah's mom and sister called him a redneck for his "will you marry me" on the lake. I guess it's all about perspective.

Quotable Quotes:

"If there was a pause button, I'd probably push it right now." - Chelsea

"If there was a rewind button, I'd have pushed it a long time ago." - Randy

Glee: "Blame it on the Alcohol"

2011-02-26T09:17:00.007-05:00

After a long delay due to illness, I finally sat down and watched last Tuesday's Glee. I really liked the past two episodes, but the third time wasn't a charm for me. My distaste for the episode probably has a lot to do with my personal feelings about alcohol and drinking, so I'll be interested to hear what others thought of "Blame it on the Alcohol." But, whether you loved it or hated it, here are my Good, Bad and Ugly.

The Good:

Mike O'Malley. Did Mike O'Malley win an Emmy for this role? If not, he definitely deserves one. If so, he deserves another. I love the way Mike plays Burt as such a reasonable, honest, understanding father. How many dads are baking souffles with their sons on a Saturday morning or having an open conversation about sexuality? I think Kurt's contempt is totally unwarranted. Burt truly deserves a Father of the Year award.

The Bad:

Kurt. I still love Chris Colfer, but Kurt really gets on my nerves when he turns into a spoiled diva. It's reminiscent of the days in season one when his unrequited love toward Finn led to many a whine-fests, but I thought he had grown up a bit since then. Apparently not. His disapproval of Blaine's "experiment" with Rachel obviously stemmed more out of jealousy than a genuine concern for his friend. And he had the gall to play the gay card with his dad when he was scolded (mildly, at that) for having a boy sleep over. It's like Burt said -- he would never let Finn have a girl sleep over in his bed. Homophobia has nothing to do with it. Though I think storylines like this can help make Kurt a more well-rounded character, I wish well-rounded meant that he changed and developed rather than literally going around in circles.
The music. Was there even one decent musical number in this entire episode? We might as well have heard a bunch of songs about Rachel's accessories, because there was nothing exciting or new about any of the performances this week. Although Figgins' pronunciation of Ke$ha was funny, it didn't make sitting through another tired version of a played-out song worthwhile.

The Ugly:

Rachel's dress at the house party.

Glee's moral code. This is where I may begin to alienate people, but I hate it when Glee tries to tackle big moral issues like religion or drinking, mostly because I'm strongly inclined to disagree with their point of view. I have always seen Glee as an hour-long episode of Full House, where everything wraps up so neat and tidy at the end, but the problem with that is you end up with watered-down takes on serious issues. There's a few reasons that the "giggle juice" episode bothered me, so, in order to make it easier on myself, I'll give you a nice bulleted list that you can choose to either read or vigorously scroll through with a frown on your face.
Reason #1: Bad drunk acting. Matthew Morrison played one of the worst drunks I have ever seen. Lea Michele was a close second. Episodes about drinking in shows with actors of questionable talent are unfortunate if for no other reason than having to sit through the overacting.
Reason #2: The implication that alcohol fuels creativity. First we have Lady Gaga's assertion that she smokes a lot of weed and drinks a lot of whiskey when she writes. But if her message didn't make it loud and clear to the masses, well, now we have Glee to reinforce it. Granted, they threw in one line at the end with Rachel saying that alcohol didn't help her songwriting, but the overarching theme was one that drinking is a perfectly good way to take your talent to the next level.
Reason #3: Tiny excuses for bigger problems. Apparently if Finn is labeled a designated driver and Kurt stays sober to impress his crush, that's a fair representation of the portion of kids who may choose to stay above the influence. No matter that Finn must drive a school bus if he's the only DD for all of the kids at the party. I feel like Glee throws in these little quips here and there to appear like they're presenting a fair and balanced view of the issue, when in reality, they're only doing the bare minimum.
Reason #4: And this is the biggie. The moral of this Glee story, as Beiste came right out and said, was that you can't just lecture kids. The best you can do is make them aware of the dangers and hope they're smart enough to make the right decision. This sounds to me a lot like those parents in high school who let teenagers drink at their house because "they're going to do it regardless, so I'd rather have them do it at my home." Sorry, Beiste and irresponsible high-school parents, but there's a lot more you can do beyond just crossing your fingers that your moronic teenage children will somehow make a wise choice. First of all, you can put off attending the Rosie O'Donnell cruise until your daughter and her peer-pressuring friends are out of the house. Second, you can make it a little more difficult for them to obtain alcohol -- a locked liquor cabinet is no obstacle for a seasoned high-school drunk. Third, you can set a good example. Will's millisecond of concern about being a role model went out the window as soon as he stepped into Rosalita's Roadhouse. Kids listen to what you do, not what you say. Will is an adult and while it's legal for him to drink, it's obviously not the best example for his impressionable flock of singing chickadees. Again, we had a brief revelation at the end of the show when Will passed out his pledge forms, but there was still no strong conviction that underage drinking is unacceptable. "Put it off till after nationals," he says, "but even then, feel free to break your promise and call me if you get in a jam." There's no question that underage drinking is a touchy subject, but this is why I'd prefer that Glee stay far away from these kinds of issues entirely. There's just no way they can do them justice.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

I enjoyed Becky and her xylophone as a throwback to "Grease."
How funny is it that Beiste brings an entire rotisserie chicken for lunch?
I don't like the running gag with Sue calling Emma the wrong name. Arrested Development did it first, and they did it better.

Quotable Quotes:

"Unfortunately, Kitty Dukakis could not be here because of disinterest."

I'm looking forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this episode. Leave a comment or message me on Facebook and tell me what you thought.

The Office: Threat Level Midnight

2011-02-18T20:14:00.006-05:00

A short while ago, a friend challenged me to write a blog post with just Goods -- no Bad or Ugly. I poo-pooed the idea, mainly because I didn't think I'd ever watch a show and have no bones to pick with it. That was before I saw last night's amazing episode of "The Office." So, in order to stay somewhat on-theme, I'm going to give the Good, Great and Awesome from "Threat Level Midnight." I only hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And if not, well, "go puck yourself!"

The Good:

Blasts from the past. Roy, Karen, Jan, Helene. How fun was it to see the people who have been in Michael's life over the past 11 years? I have to admit, I didn't notice Madge or a few other obscure characters, but I did notice that Carole Stills, Realtor, sold Michael Scarn his mansion. "Threat Level Midnight" was like an Easter egg hunt for seasoned Office viewers, and the rewards were plentiful.

Michael and Holly. I really liked that Holly was underwhelmed by Michael's movie. Home movies are always more entertaining for the people who are in them, so it made perfect sense that she really wasn't enjoying the viewing party. I also liked their spat/Michael's hissy fit and their subsequent reconciliation, even though it did involve a small amount of PDA.

The Great:

Threat Level Midnight. The actual movie was deliciously cheesy. It had everything Michael claimed it did -- action (gun fights on skates, exploding hockey pucks), heart (the death of Cherokee Jack, Michael Scarn's ability to fight back against all odds) and symbolism (well, I'll let you figure this one out on your own). The special effects, or lack thereof, were so appropriate for a do-it-yourself blockbuster, and the amateur acting was delightful. Whether it was Jim's evil laugh or Oscar blinking after being strangled, I thought the actual actors' bad acting was perfectly well played.

The Scarn. Since the Cha-Cha Slide, Part Two never came to fruition, I'm predicting that The Scarn is the next big wedding line dance. It's got a beat and you can dance to it -- what more can you ask for?

The Awesome:

If I had to pinpoint one reason why I'd give this episode two thumbs up, I think it'd be because of the way each Office character shined through in their role in "Threat Level Midnight." First, you have Michael, who sees himself as invincible yet vulnerable. He can dodge bullets at point-blank range, but the death of his mentor will bring a single tear to his eye. Then there was Jim who, even in his role as Goldenface, couldn't resist taunting Dwight. You can't tell me you didn't laugh when Jim kept saying, "hm?" after Dwight said his line. And speaking of Dwight, not even a sophisticated robot could rid itself of the mannerisms of our friendly neighborhood beet farmer. He went rogue and dove in front of Michael to stop a bullet, despite the fact that it wasn't in the script. And he used his signature move, the high leg kick, to knock down the gate and save the hostages. From Jan's lounge act to Andy's overcompensating bartender to Angela's conservative bachelorette party outfit, every bit of "Threat Level Midnight" rang true to form.

I could honestly go on and on about all of the funny moments from this episode, but instead I'd recommend that you go back and watch it again yourself. Trust me, it only gets funnier!

Quotable Quotes:

"After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting, and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, 'Threat Level Midnight.'"
"Heads I do it. Tails I don't. Best out of seven."
"It's going to take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael Scarn" (I almost thought he was going to say, "...to kill the Loch Ness monster"!)

Top Chef: Tarjay

2011-02-18T19:06:00.007-05:00

It's down to seven chefs, but it wasn't a lucky number for one of them. In an episode full of puppets and bromances, there was a fair amount of good, bad and ugly as well. Here's my take.

The Good:

The quickfire challenge. Though I can't imagine how awkward it must have been to be in the Top Chef kitchen with puppets judging your work, I enjoyed watching this quickfire from afar. You'd think each chef would have at least one cookie recipe up his or her sleeve, but apparently that's not the case. Richard fell back on his old crutch, liquid nitrogen, and his zucchini ice cream "cookie" failed to impress Cookie Monster's palate (though his daughter did get a shout-out from Elmo, so it wasn't a total wash). It was fun to see the chefs taken out of their element and venture into the world of sweet. I was actually surprised that no one made a savory cookie, but I'd really like to get a recipe for Dale's winning pretzel/potato chip concoction.

The elimination challenge. Does anyone else remember when Toys 'R Us used to give away a shopping spree, and you could grab as many toys as possible within the set time limit? That's what the chefs running around Target reminded me of. Though, in the previews, when they showed everyone talking about how difficult the challenge was, I honestly expected something a bit more outlandish, I guess cooking a meal for 100 people at Target is harder than it sounds. I just liked seeing Dale cook grilled cheese with an iron. You know what they say -- necessity is the mother of invention!

The Bad:

Top Chef goes "Survivor." Before the opening credits, we were treated to Richard and Dale forming an "alliance." Then, during the Target challenge, we saw the extent of Mike and Angelo's bromance. While I'm all for camaraderie in the kitchen, I'm wondering why chefs suddenly think they're on a different reality competition show. It's not "outwit, outplay, outlast." It's out-cook, period. And evidently it was difficult for Angelo to out-cook his competitors when he was more worried about finding a can opener for clueless Mikey than fixing his overly salty baked potato soup.

Angelo's exit. I wasn't devastated to see Angelo leave, but it's dismissals like his that make me upset with the Top Chef judging system. He is obviously more talented than Tiffany, but he had one bad dish and it was his undoing. The judges have always said that they only take into account the chef's meal for that particular challenge, but I think it'd be better if there was some way to account for past successes. Otherwise it's too easy for someone to scoot by in the bottom three every time while a better chef is sent home for one (big) mistake.

The Ugly:

Carla's time-management skills. I would love to see Carla cluck her way to the Top Chef finale, but it seems like the competition is starting to ruffle her feathers. Why did she spend so much time beautifying her table? I know it's hard to resist Target's incredible bargains (as shown by the hat Tiffany snagged during her shopping spree), but unless the challenge was to make a half-decent meal and serve it on a pretty tablecloth, Carla was bound to be on the bottom. She's really lucky that Angelo's heavy hand left her to puree another day.

Did you enjoy this episode? Were you happy with Dale's wins and Angelo's loss? Will you now try to cook a sandwich using your iron?

Glee: "The Comeback"

2011-02-17T19:05:00.011-05:00

This week's Glee was more than just a comeback for Sue and Rachel. It was a comeback for the entire show. I don't know what happened since Glee left us at Christmastime, but we've gotten two weeks in a row of quality viewing, so I'm willing to concede that it's not a fluke. Whatever the writers are doing, I sure hope they keep it up. Now let me break it down for you, Bieber style.

The Good (Baby, Oh!):

Sue. Love Jane Lynch. Love Sue Sylvester. When Glee was at its lowest point, Sue was one of the only things that kept me watching. Her one-liners and rips on Will's hair will never get old to me. But not only did we get plenty of classic Sue, with her mud-slinging and devious plans to destroy the Glee Club, we also got to see her softer side during her "field trip to the House of Sad." If your heart wasn't warmed even just a little by the sight of Sue Sylvester with a pediatric cancer patient on her lap singing, "This Little Light of Mine," well, I'd be hard-pressed to say that you have a heart.

Rachel. Thank goodness Rachel and Finn broke up. It's been so long since we've seen Miss Berry's passion and drive for something other than the approval of an oafish football player. I loved that she paid Brittany to establish her as a trendsetter, but it was even better when it backfired. Apparently sexy schoolgirl/librarian chic is only trendy when worn by an airhead with a heart of gold rather than a bossy know-it-all. I could totally sympathize with Rachel's conniption fit about the proper styling of leg warmers, though. I am not a rule breaker, and neither is she, but it doesn't hurt anyone to think outside of the box sometimes. Unfortunately it takes more than a good idea (like singing an original song for regionals) to move mountains. Hopefully the self-proclaimed "team leader and arbiter of all that is good" will take Finn's advice and shove a great original song down the other kids' throats, if for no other reason than for me to see if a Glee original can do as well as their covers on the Billboard charts.

The Justin Bieber Experience. When not even Mike Chang's abs can distract Tina from an intense game of Angry Birds, you know there's trouble in Asian paradise. I'm sure Emma has a pamphlet on how to put the spark back in your high-school romance, but rather than seeking help from their trusty guidance counselor, the boys opted to go Bieber. Though I could have done with one less actual Bieber song, I thought this whole subplot was really cute, and it reminded me of the days of the Acafellas (what did ever happen to Ken Tanaka, anyway?)

Mercedes & Rachel have a diva-off. Sue's diabolical plan didn't quite work out as expected, but it was a great excuse to hear Amber Riley & Lea Michele belt it out with both attitude and emotion, the most essential ingredients to being a diva. My only complaint is that I hate the faces Lea Michele makes when she sings. But a few squinty eyes and gaping mouths here and there are not enough to take away from the goodness that was this duet.

The Bad (Baby, no!)

Lauren's singing debut. From the outfit to the song choice to the backup dancers, this was a disaster waiting to happen. Although it did enlighten us as to the Glee Clubbers' choice of undergarments (or at least how Lauren would imagine them to be), it was not worth the two minutes of pain I had to endure while listening to this "anthem." Let's call a plus-sized spade a plus-sized spade: the girl can't sing. She can, however, do a mean hair twirl. Let's just hope that Lauren's hair twirl doesn't become a regular thing to compensate for her lack of vocal ability a la Mike Chang's dancing. I'm perfectly fine with having a non-singing, non-hair-twirling member of the Glee Club, as long as she makes me laugh.

The Ugly:

Quinn. Okay, I will reluctantly admit that Diana Agron is one of the most beautiful creatures, physically, to walk the halls of McKinley High, but a seductive voice and good hair won't get you far in life when you're actually a sneaky bitch. At least Santana wears her bitchiness on her sleeve. Quinn just flits from boy to boy with no regard for the feelings she's trampling underneath her patent-leather Mary Janes. Despite the fact that Sam is fluent in an imaginary language and his mouth-to-face ratio is way off, he deserves better. His hostile breakup strategy wasn't the greatest, but Quinn got what she had coming to her.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Does anyone else want Will to strike up a romance with the pediatric nurse? Maybe he wasn't referring to his ukulele when he said he brought his "special little guy."
Why was Lauren the only one not wearing plaid for the "Sing It for the World" routine?
Do you think I could get my husband to start watching Glee for the date ideas? Ice rink bumper cars? Painting coasters? Where do I sign up?

Quoatable Quotes:

"I don't care how depressed I am. I will not date a curly."
"You're lucky I left my blow gun at home, airbags, 'cause I got a clear shot at your nonnies."

What do you think -- has Glee made a comeback?

Teen Mom 2: "Taking Sides"

2011-02-16T21:20:00.009-05:00

The episode was called "Taking Sides," but it seemed like the main focus this week was simple: communication. Over cotton candy at the county fair, on Jo's dad's "beautiful bench" or on Chelsea's toilet, the whole Teen Mom crew was having deep conversations. Even Kailyn's mom came out of the woodwork for a heart-to-heart. Though what they said wasn't always productive, everyone had something to say. Here's my two cents.

The Good:

Megan. I told off Adam in my head when he suggested that if he had to pay rent, Megan should be subject to the same rules, so I was shocked and impressed when Megan brought it up on her own during her conversation with Chelsea. She's obviously not free-loading, and she gave her new roommate the old college try before deciding that she had to move out. Kudos to Megan for standing up for herself and making the decision to part ways with the "happy family."
Kailyn. I like a girl who can think for herself, and Kailyn is one of those girls. I'm slightly sad to see her move back in with Jo's parents because, in a way, I think it chains her to a life that she doesn't want. But I'm glad she was at least honest with Jo and his mom and dad about her intentions for the relationship (or lack thereof). Kailyn did say last week that she still loves Jo, but, no matter what The Beatles say, love isn't all you need.
Leah & Corey/Danny & Sandy/the poster children for "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Week after week, Leah & Corey stay strong in the midst of stress and disappointment. Ali's developmental issues would be enough on their own to put strain on any relationship, but Leah & Corey just sail through life like their biggest problem is a bit of mismatched camouflage. Normally I'd hate to see a young couple rush into marriage, but in their case, I'm excited that Corey bought a ring. I wouldn't be too upset if they waited a while to have Corey Jr., though.

The Bad:

Barbara & Jenelle. For every bit of positive communication we got with the Goods, we saw the other side of the stick with Barbara and Jenelle. They couldn't hang crepe paper without bickering, and a simple conversation about Jace's birthday present, though hilarious, quickly turned into an argument. In my opinion, neither a Spiderman quad nor a silver cup is the best gift for a 1-year-old, but what do I know? Jenelle was genuinely proud of her gift for Jace, but Barbara just couldn't let her feel good about herself. Something I've learned in life is that it's important to be honest, but it's also important to pick your battles. You may think you're helping when you point out someone else's shortcomings, but a lot of times it's more self-serving than charitable.

The Ugly:

Chelsea & Adam's 3-ring circus. Sometimes train wrecks are fun to watch. Other times you just have to look away and try to forget you saw anything at all. The longer I watch Chelsea and Adam on this show, the less I enjoy it. You have a spoiled-rotten, delusional girl, a lazy, abusive mooch of a boy and a dad who has created a monster and is powerless to stop it. Randy sits back and plays the concerned, helpless dad when what he needs to do is throw Chelsea in that red Beetle and park it back at his house, where she should be promptly chained to a desk until she finishes high school and gets her act together. Adam, AKA crab-ass, as Megan calls him, is obviously on the same wavelength as Chelsea and her sense of entitlement. And he definitely hasn't learned his lesson when it comes to sending nasty texts. The part-time construction worker, full-time video-gamer needs to get a reality check. But then again, why bother? He found a girl whose daddy will pay their way, and he can sit back and play "Call of Duty" all day long instead of taking care of diaper duty. Maybe Adam is actually a genius! ....Nah!

Quotable Quotes:

"Maybe you'll meet a nice guy."
"Dad, I have a boyfriend."
"I know, but maybe you'll meet a nice guy."

Did you enjoy the episode? Whose side are you on this week?

The Office: PDA

2011-02-12T13:36:00.011-05:00

Upon first viewing, I walked away feeling like this was one of the worst Office episodes in a long time. This could have had something to do with the fact that I was exercising while watching (and I hate exercising more than Stanley hates it when someone does his Sudoku), but my second viewing didn't prove much different. I laughed a little more, but I still felt that "PDA" was irritating, unappealing and largely lacking in humor, much like PDA in real life!

The Good:

Gabe. Zach Woods was possibly the saving grace of this entire episode. Though his relationship with Erin is kind of like a benign (B-9) tumor, growing but not really serving a purpose, seeing Gabe plan an intricate treasure hunt (not to be confused with a scavenger hunt) for Valentine's Day was quite entertaining. For any other girl, this would probably be a great Valentine's gift, but for simple-minded Erin, a copy of Shrek 2 and a shiny object would have been more appropriate. And not only did we get to see Gabe dominate Valentine's Day, but he played a major role in the Michael/Holly storyline, too. Apparently when the HR rep is breaking all kinds of HR protocol, the corporate lackey steps in. I don't know what Gabe's title actually is, but if Holly elopes with Michael and Toby gets killed in a freak jury accident, I would like to see him take over in Human Resources. After all, he may not have a clue when it comes to his own love life, but he can be quite insightful about other people's relationships.

Andy & Erin. As much as I like watching Gabe struggle romantically, I really want Andy and Erin to get back together. It's got to happen eventually because they're clearly perfect for each other, so I wish they would stop dragging it out so much! I was glad that Erin's inability to complete a fifth-grade-level jigsaw puzzle served as a reason for Andy to escort her through the treasure hunt. Now buck up and tell the girl how it is already, Andy!

The Bad:

The cold open. How much longer will I have to wait to get a decent laugh before the opening credits? I haven't liked a cold open since "Classy Christmas," and this was the worst one yet. So, let me get this straight: Darryl's 97-year-old grandma dies, and Pam has everyone sign a card. Somehow everyone thinks they're signing a birthday card, so their messages are clearly inappropriate, but WHY would Pam ever give it to Darryl? I'm not even doubting the chances of something like that happening because I could see Stanley, Oscar and crew just blindly signing without realizing what the purpose of the card is, but to think that Pam would actually hand over the dud is just stupid. Maybe I could have accepted this opening if the birthday greetings inside the card were even remotely funny, but they were just generic celebratory messages. Are these the same people who signed Meredith's birthday card back in season one?

The Ugly:

Michael & Holly. I, much like Sabre, am 100% tolerant of Office romances. But when romance crosses the line into booby-honking, butt-honking, all the honkings, the one where you start in a crouched position, then you leap -- I can't handle it. Holly may suddenly find Michael irresistible despite his DayGlo goatee made of cheeseball powder, but I would have preferred her response to his animal magnetism to have been a little more subtle. We went from zero to 60 in the Scott/Flax relationship in one week, and, if this is what we have to look forward to, it may have been better had it crashed and burned. There are a lot of times in the show when the things the other characters may find annoying or disturbing are entertaining for the viewers, but this was a case where I felt like I was one of the cast, creeped out and annoyed at Michael and Holly's extreme lack of tact. No matter how many times I cleared my throat, I couldn't get them to stop being so ridiculous, and it really took a toll on my enjoyment of this episode.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Did it seem like Darryl's facial hair was in various stages of growth at different points in the episode? At the beginning and then later, he has a normal, subtle goatee, but in the conference room it looks like he is clean-shaven.

Quotable Quotes:

"Blue Wasabi is so good, but get the cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene." - Phyllis
"It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you." - Michael
"Boner Bomb, starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with a Jesse Eisenberg or a Michael Cera."

Top Chef: Jimmy Fallon

2011-02-11T21:41:00.008-05:00

The competition on Top Chef is getting tighter than a pair of Angelo's pants. We are down to eight chefs, and it's about that time when an extra pinch of salt or looking at Padma the wrong way can send you packing. This week's episode with Jimmy Fallon was a fun one, so without further ado, let me go all "New York Times reviewer up in this bitch."

The Good:

The quickfire challenge. A fondue challenge! Fondue is, according to Fabio, "a pot of boiling something." Unless, of course, you're Richard Blais and fondue is actually a pot of liquid nitrogen. Either way, it was enjoyable to see what each chef came up with for their quickfire creation. Unfortunately the winning dish wasn't going to be a featured menu item at The Melting Pot or even served up at one of Richard's parents' naked fondue parties. No, the reward for the quickfire-gone-groovy was a Napa Valley Wine Weekend which had to be hard-fought from the claws of the other competitors/judges. The chefs ranked each other's fondue dishes, but the whole thing played out with a lot less drama than was probably expected. Aside from the usual disses during confessionals, the quickfire was relatively tame. Dale claimed the victory and, much to his chagrin, he will now be forced to take his girlfriend on a romantic trip.

Carla's hat trick. My favorite Fraggle wins again -- how 'bout that? She humbly restrained herself when announcing her triumph to her competitors in the stew room, but Carla couldn't contain her excitement during her one-on-one interview after the challenge. She's practically won a trip around the world with all the elimination prizes she's racked up, but it's not like she doesn't deserve it. Carla's food is simple, relatable and made with heart. It's quite possible that this is the only woman in Top Chef history who can flap around the kitchen, clucking like a chicken and still manage to be likable. Though she reacted like Miley Cyrus on a bad salvia trip when she found out she would get to cook her beloved chicken pot pie, fate smiled upon Carla this week, and she took full advantage.

The Bad:

Jimmy's vocabulary. I don't know what he wished for when he blew out his birthday candles, but it definitely wasn't a thesaurus. Jimmy may not like mushrooms, mayonnaise or eggplant, but he certainly likes baseball. It lacked laser beams, so Richard's meal was considered a bunt. Antonia was thrown a curve ball, but she swung for the fences. When he wasn't using baseball analogies, Jimmy used words like "doughiness" (okay) and "gravyness" to describe what he desired in a chicken-and-dumplings dish. I loved Jimmy's enthusiasm for the show, but his critiques were a little lacking in variety and complexity. Maybe that's why talk-show hosts don't write their own jokes.

Fabio. Fabi-no! I had a feeling this was his swan song from the word "boarger," but I hate to see Fabio pack his knives and go. When it really comes down to it, I don't know how he made it this long. He often seemed out of his element when he couldn't fall back on Italian cooking techniques (hence his attempt to make a burger out of a meatball), but Fabio has too many great sound bites to let him go early on. You know in the credits of reality competition shows when it says that the judges consider input from the producers when making their decisions? I think maybe, just maybe, Fabio has eked out of so many tight spots because of his winning personality rather than his winning dishes. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I can't actually taste the food on Top Chef, so, as a viewer, I'd rather be entertained by a man who regales me with stories of walking his pet turtle on a leash than bored by better chefs with dull back stories.

The Ugly:

Product placement. Nothing could be worse than the blatant touting of sponsor products in "Days of Our Lives," but the Buitoni commercial in the middle of this episode was pretty pathetic. Is anyone actually fooled into buying Buitoni's prepackaged pasta by watching the chefs cook and eat it on the show? While Antonia talked of cooking lobster and shrimp ravioli, they showed her opening a package of three-cheese tortellini. And when the chefs toasted to their dinner, one of the wine glasses in the shot was completely empty! I understand that reality shows cost money to make, and I'm sure Buitoni provides a large amount of funding, but I prefer my commercials to bookend show segments, not interrupt them.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

I found it strange that there were no shots of the chefs on the set of Jimmy Fallon's show simultaneously with the audience. We "heard" cheers and applause, and we saw shots of the audience alone, but do you think they were actually doing this in front of a live audience? I don't like it when television tries to trick me, and this just seemed fishy.
Why is Tom's restaurant called Colicchio and Sons? Is he really old enough to have sons that can work in the restaurant, or is he just anticipating their future acceptance of the family business?

Glee: "Silly Love Songs"

2011-02-09T19:55:00.009-05:00

I'll be honest -- I was fed up with Glee after its fall run, and my feelings only compounded by reading story after story about what a horrible person Lea Michele is in real life. The only reason I kept watching every episode was the same reason Lauren ate Puck's crappy chocolates -- I had to make sure they all sucked. A long break and a post-Super Bowl DVR mishap later, I was ready to cut my ties for good. Sure, I'd have a small Glee-shaped hole in my heart (right next to the larger wound from Arrested Development's cancellation), but I knew someday I would wax nostalgic about the good old days of Mr. Schue and his crazy gang of misfits. However, this all took place before I had an hour to spare and didn't want to watch another rerun of Top Chef. I thought I'd give Glee another shot, you know, because my DVR recorded it anyway and I wouldn't want all that effort to go to waste...right? Two watch-throughs and three pages of notes later, I'll admit that I'm as addicted to Glee as Will Schuester is to vests. Oh well. I'd join a 12-step program with him anytime. Now for the Good, Bad and Ugly.
*Hover over the pictures. I dare you.*

The Good:

PLauren. Not as much of a ring to it as Puckleberry, but I actually liked the Puck/Lauren storyline. I was skeptical at first. I mean, the chances of a guy like him liking a girl like her are, well, about as good as the chances that Finn will give Becky more than a kiss on the cheek. Couples like that just don't happen in real life. But the writers gave me enough witty banter and plausible explanations to stop questioning the relationship and start enjoying it. The "Fat Bottomed Girls" serenade was one of the best songs in the episode, but thankfully Lauren was not flattered by the backhanded compliment. After all, it takes more than just a song to get her juices flowing. And since Puck didn't deliver an envelope of cash or a muffin basket, it appears that some good old-fashioned honesty did the trick. I hope that we get to see more of PLauren in the very near future.

Kurt. Speaking of honesty, I admired Kurt's openness with Blaine about his feelings. He's right -- in high school, singing duets and smiling at someone can often be taken as "something more." I'm still confused about their relationship status since it seemed like Blaine kind of left it up in the air, but no matter where the writers decide to take it, any storyline with Chris Colfer is a good storyline, in my opinion.

Santana. It's hard to like someone who looks so darn good in a candy striper's outfit, but Santana was a girl after my own heart this week. I too keep it real and am also hilarious (actually, maybe I'm just a bitch) but when you've got insults that good, it's a crime to let them stay pent up inside of you. I, for one, hope Santana lets the Lima Heights Adjacent in her shine through a little more often.

Rachel. For the first time in a long time, Rachel wasn't an egotistical diva or a moping whiner! I truly felt her pain when she talked to Finn in the nurse's office about feeling special when he chose her over Quinn because Quinn is prettier. It came from an honest and genuine place, not one that was seeking attention like she normally does. And, to top it all off, we got a fun rendition of Katy Perry's "Firework" instead of the usual tear-filled ballad. Props to Mercedes and her onesie for inspiring Rachel to harness her pain and turn it into something good!

The Bad:

PYT. Would it be too much to ask for Artie never to rap or narrate the beginning of a song in a "sexy" voice ever again? It's just too much. I know Kevin McHale got his start in a random boy band, but there's got to be a better use for his voice (which is actually really good). And wow, what a surprise -- Mike Chang is dancing. What else is new? I happily fast-forwarded through the Pretty Young Thing duet during my second viewing.

The Cheerios' sense of style. Now that they've quit the squad, even the guy in the "Previously on Glee" segment reminded us that we'd get to see Brittany, Santana and Quinn in plain clothes. Santana's outfits were okay, but apparently Brittany has a penchant for knee socks and Quinn has a closet full of plaid skirts and cross necklaces. I've never understood why they wear their Cheerios uniforms EVERY DAY in the first place, but now that I've seen how they dress otherwise, I'll be happy when they inevitably re-up with Sue's minions.

High-school "love." Teenage crushes are a dime a dozen, but I think being truly in love in high school is pretty rare...unless, of course, you go to McKinley High. Finn loved Quinn. Then he loved Rachel. Now he loves them both. Quinn loves Sam (or thinks she does). Blaine loves the GAP manager who he's had coffee with twice. I know it's a Valentine's Day episode, but high-school kids pick their future mates based on what percent discount they'll get to their favorite store or whether hockey or football players are more reliable, so I'd be happy if they toned down the love thing just a tad.

Glee's take on Christianity. I don't want to get into a religious debate, but Glee's treatment of Quinn's Christianity REALLY bothers me. For a show known for breaking down barriers and dispelling stereotypes, I hate the way they create a caricature of a supposedly religious person. I already mentioned the cross necklaces, and they also did a lot with Quinn's parents in season one that bothered me, but another example from this episode is when Quinn walked into the auditorium and immediately said she had been at church. I know it set up a ridiculously cheesy line about "praying not to come," but she asked Finn to meet her "tomorrow afternoon," so I really doubt she skipped fifth period to squeeze in a quick visit to Lima's local parish.

The Ugly:

The Warblers' GAP attack. Not only was Blaine's crush tremendously underwhelming, but the song choice, the venue -- all disappointments. Then to have Jeremiah say he got fired for Blaine's public display of affection? Please! The whole scenario was not quite as bad as when the Spirit of St. Louis overshot the tarmac and plowed through seven Warblers, but it sure was close.

Tina sings/sobs "Funny Valentine." The only good part about this incident, as I'll call it, was seeing the rest of the Glee club's reaction. While the constipated look on Lea Michele's face made me chuckle, I could have done without Tina's painfully awkward attempt at professing her love.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Finn's Christmas/Valentine's gift to Rachel was cute, but has he been carrying it with him at all times for the past two months? How convenient that he had it stashed right there in the middle of the hall at his kissing booth.

Quotable Quotes:

"I just try to be really, really honest with people when I think they suck."
"Can I be honest? Just with the hair, I think they do." (Kurt in response to Jeremiah saying no one at work knew he was gay)
"Michelle, I've been covering your section for 15 minutes. Your break is over. And your husband called."
"I used to think you were smokin', but a lot of that had to do with the fact that I thought you were mixed race, and that never fails to get me going."

Teen Mom 2: "Too Much, Too Fast"

2011-02-09T13:27:00.007-05:00

This week's episode of "Teen Mom 2" focused mainly on the girls' struggle to live a normal teenage existence in the midst of abnormal teenage circumstances. Whether they dealt with school issues, money problems or daddy woes, Leah, Kailyn, Jenelle and Chelsea realized that balancing motherhood and pretty much anything else is going to be difficult. As Leah's mom would say, "Sorry about your luck, honey. You're a mom." Here are my thoughts on "Too Much, Too Fast."

The Good:

Kieffer. No, it's not opposite day and you haven't entered a parallel universe. If I judge Kieffer solely upon the way he acted this episode and not what I know from extraneous sources about his shady ways, I can actually be pretty impressed with the guy. Okay, he uses cliches ("Yesterday is history and the future is a mystery...") and doesn't have the most eloquent way of speaking ("Your mom is a douche"), but Kieffer was right on the money more than once this week. He even pointed out to Jenelle that she brings a lot of the drama upon herself. Now if only he would get a job and stop keeping Jenelle out past her bedtime.

Megan. I wouldn't be surprised if Aubree started calling Megan "Dada," what with the amount of time Megan watches her while Chelsea is too busy staring at Adam's tattoos. Though she could do a little more to help her pal stay motivated when it comes to finishing high school, I think Megan has Chelsea's best interest at heart in regard to the Adam situation. When it comes down to it, men may come and go, but a good girlfriend is one in a million. Do you hear that, Chelsea?

The Bad:

The Teen Dads. From Jace's nonexistent father to Jo's irrational decisions to Adam and Corey who couldn't change the diaper on a squirmy baby if their lives depended on it, the dads were not looking good this week. First Jo can't hold his tongue, so he gets himself (and, presumably, Kailyn) kicked out of his house. Then he takes his son across state lines and expects Kailyn to drop everything to follow him. Luckily Kailyn's levelheadedness was there to put the brakes on Jo's train of thought. As for Adam, he can't even dress himself, so it's no surprise that he has a hard time diapering Aubree, but I was taken aback by Corey's lack of domesticity. I think his ineptness stemmed from a lack of confidence rather than a lack of skill, but he really needs to step it up in the daddy department. Being a dad is more than helping Leah "on some occasions when she's really tired." I have no doubt that Corey can and will get better at being Mr. Mom, as long as he doesn't break down in tears first. Honestly, have you ever seen a guy cry so much?

The Ugly:

Barbara & Jenelle. When Barbara's not doling out helpful advice like, "Shut the toilet so the baby doesn't drown," she's yelling at Jenelle. She can't be bothered by crazy talk of 1040s and financial aid because she's too busy anticipating what Jenelle will do wrong next so she can yell at her for it. Granted, there are a lot of times that Jenelle deserves a good talking-to (when she sleeps in on the only day she's supposed to watch her baby, for one), but I can see that there are two sides to this very dysfunctional relationship. The hard part about watching these types of shows is seeing stories like this, when two people would be better served by serious therapy rather than being followed around by cameras all day (and a 15-minute televised interview with Dr. Drew does not count as serious therapy). Jenelle and Barbara clearly have a long history of mistrust and broken lines of communication. I can only hope, for Jace's sake, that someone will intervene and give them the help they so desperately need.
Chelsea. If Leah & Corey are the Catelynn & Tyler of this season, Chelsea has definitely taken on the role of spoiled, out-of-touch-with-reality mom Farrah. It's partially Randy's fault for allowing his darling daughter to live on her own without having to earn her keep, but Chelsea gets harder and harder to watch every week. They say teenagers' brains can't fully process risk and aren't done developing until age 25, so maybe there's still hope for Chelsea in the long run, but in the meantime, she's going to have to overcome a whole lot of flawed logic in order to get her act together. For starters, instead of "spreading out the disappointment," why not avoid doing things that you know will cause disappointment in the first place? Also, "Becoming a Dad" checklists should include things like, "Learn the words to 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'" and "Check the temperature of milk on your wrist before giving it to the baby." If you have to tell your baby daddy (in all capital letters, with multiple exclamation points) to treat you like a decent human being, he may not be the ideal candidate for a third roommate.

Do you think the girls were taking on too much, too fast this week? Leave your comments below.

Super Bowl XLV: Good, Bad, Ugly

2011-02-07T18:23:00.012-05:00

Last night was an evening of epic television. No, I'm not talking about "Glee" does "Thriller" (though I will most likely blog about that later). I'm talking about Super Bowl XLV: Steelers vs. Packers. Black & Gold vs. Green & Yellow. Terrible Towels vs. Hats Made of Synthetic Cheese. If you're looking for a blow-by-blow recap of the game or a side-by-side look at Mike Tomlin's game plan as compared to Chuck Noll's in days of yore, you've come to the wrong place. No, I don't know what an illegal block in the back is and I can't remember if it's "laces in" or "laces out," no matter how many times I see "Ace Ventura," but I hope you'll read on anyway to find out what an average Steelers fan (with above-average writing skills) thinks of the NFL's biggest night in football.

The Good:

Withitness. When I was a young lass in teacher training at Grove City College, we learned a term called withitness, which was used to describe a teacher's ability to be aware of what is going on in the classroom at all times. I'm going to use this word in the football realm to describe the way the Steelers tend to stay in a game, no matter what obstacles lie before them. A lot of teams would have thrown in the towel after two interceptions and an 18-point deficit, but not our boys in black & gold. Somehow, after all of that, the game last night came down to two minutes on the clock and the ball in Ben's hands. We couldn't execute like we have in the past, but that doesn't change the fact that the Steelers keep it exciting. To think that a Super Bowl ring was only one Hail Mary pass away is the reason football, especially Steelers football, is my favorite sport. Maybe some fans prefer a more comfortable, blow-out win over a nail-biter, but not me. After all, my heart could use a little workout after all that bean & guacamole dip. Thankfully, withitness is one area of the Super Bowl in which the Steelers didn't fail to deliver.
The fans. After attending Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa, the camaraderie among perfect strangers at a football game will never cease to amaze me. It doesn't matter if you're an 80-year-old, Miller-Lite-chugging grandma from Squirrel Hill or a large black man who takes up your whole seat and half of mine, if you're rooting for the Steelers, you are my new best friend (at least for the next three hours or so). During the game, I loved hearing chants of "Here we go, Steelers" rise above the roar of the crowd. After the game, I was proud to see how composed and gracious yinzers could be. Messages of "Better luck next year" and "Good game, Packers" won out over sour grapes in Facebook statuses and interviews on the local news. We may drink cheap beer and pronounce our words a little funny, but, I tell ya, Steeler Nation really does have class.

The Bad:

Our Texan hosts. Everything may be bigger in Texas, but for Super Bowl XLV, it sure wasn't better. It started with sub-par weather conditions and civilians getting clobbered by falling ice and went downhill from there. Granted, Mother Nature and acts of God are beyond a host city's control, but selling seats that don't exist -- well, that's an avoidable error. For hours before the game started, news stations reported on the mess that occurred when thousands of ticket holders were herded into holding areas like livestock and told that their overpriced seats were now unfit for human consumption. And, like livestock, these ticket holders proceeded to get rowdy and pee where they stood. Yes, most of the scorned Super Bowl attendees were relocated and compensated for their troubles, but this is sure to go down as one of the biggest debacles in sporting-events history.
The music. Christina Aguilera kicked off the night with a rousing rendition of her own personal version of the National Anthem, but I think when they say you should take artistic license, they don't mean with the lyrics to our country's most well-known song. I know "o'er the ramparts we watched" doesn't have nearly as much of a ring to it as "I'm a genie in a bottle, baby," but you think she'd have this one committed to memory. Don't get me wrong -- I honestly feel bad for Christina. She's had a rough year, what with the divorce and gaining a second chin and all, but, like Macy Gray and Roseanne Barr (Arnold?) before her, Christina isn't likely to hear the end of this one anytime soon. And as if one bad musical act wasn't enough, we had to endure a half-time show with the overly flashy, under-impressive Black Eyed Peas. Their songs are catchy, and no one in their right mind would want to see Fergie's breast, leaving the NFL at little risk for a "wardrobe malfunction," but the Peas' songs are much too processed to make for a good live show, in my opinion. If I had been accidentally blinded by looking directly into Fergie's sparkly shoulder pads, I might have mistakenly believed I was at a bad "American Idol" audition. Only this time I didn't have Simon Cowell to put me out of my misery.

The Ugly:

The Steelers lose. This is an obvious one for a Steelers fan. I'm not sure if there's anything worse than being repeatedly told throughout the weeks leading up to the big game that your team won't win...and then having it come true. The Steelers like to prove people wrong. They thrive on being the underdogs, and honestly, in my lifetime, I'm not used to them falling short. I was only in fifth grade when the Steelers lost to the Cowboys, so I think I felt the impact a little more now that football is the highlight of my week rather than an afterthought between wearing stirrup pants and feeding the class guinea pig. I am sure that in a few days, my heartache will subside (especially if they crop-dust the city with antidepressants as they suggested on DVE), but until then, all I have left to say is good game, Packers, and better luck next year, boys.

"The Search": Good, Bad, Ugly

2011-02-05T10:52:00.009-05:00

The day was finally upon us, folks! What day, you ask? The day the episode that I got to watch them film when I visited the set of "The Office" airs! I have to admit, I had a hard time focusing on the ins and outs of "The Search" because, in my head, I was going through all of the things that changed and were cut out from what we saw them filming. But after a second viewing this morning, I'm fully prepared to give you the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. So, it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean John in Bhutan*!

The Good:

Michael. I'm still in denial that Steve is leaving the show. When an episode is Michael-centric, it can't go wrong, and I don't know how they're going to do it without him. From his rant in Jim's "precious" car to his moral inability to dine-and-dash, every moment of Michael's trek gave me something new to laugh about. I especially loved his Dr. Doolittle routine at the pet shop. It's possible he relates to animals so well because, according to Dwight, his face type is "marsupial," but it would be great to see Michael settle down some day with a wife and a dog and a family. Or maybe he could build an ark and collect pairs of animals in preparation for a great flood. Nah...we all know how that turned out.

Amy Ryan. Her ears may only be a seven and a four, but I think Amy Ryan's acting is a perfect 40. I get frustrated sometimes with Holly being portrayed as a bit too spacey (more later), but I think Amy Ryan manages whatever she is given just superbly. The way she had tears in her eyes and sucked in her cheek a little bit when she reunited with Michael on the rooftop could have fooled me into thinking she was meeting Tom Hanks on the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Amy Ryan really deserves a role on a hit HBO series or something.

The caption contest. Unlike the uncomfortable resolutions scenes from a few weeks ago, it's nice to see all of the paper pushers united behind a common cause. A strange caption from Creed was notably absent, but almost everyone else was given a chance to shine when Gabe read through the list of increasingly disparaging remarks. Each character's caption was so fitting to their personality, and their pride at what they had created was adorable. I also loved when Phyllis got caught red-handed when she couldn't close her instant-message screen. Scenarios like this may be the key to the show"s success after Michael's departure.

Gabe. I think it's great that Zach and the writers are able to develop a character who is increasingly annoying to the other characters on the show yet increasingly endearing to the viewers. You can't help but feel a little sorry for Gabe being the brunt of his coworkers' jokes. After all, he probably can't help being so anal retentive. A man who oozes excitement over shaped post-it notes and goes gaga for powdered seahorse was probably just born that way. If he can manage to stay likable to us while providing a scapegoat for the office's tension, I'm all for it. Gabe is to the rest of the Dunder Mifflinites what Toby was to Michael, no?

The Bad:

Pam's jokes. An "Ask Pam Beesley" -- sigh...
Princess Nincompoop. I stated above that I appreciate Amy Ryan's acting, and I do, but what I don't like is when Holly is portrayed as a dunce. Yes, the woman is in love with Michael Scott. Yes, she does a lot of bad character impersonations. But I just can't believe that Holly Flax, a successful HR rep for a large company, would sign up for a cellphone contract under a bogus name (Fanny Smellmore, no less) just to get a free stress ball. Holly's goofiness has always been tempered by a dose of rationality, and being completely absorbed in an egg roll advertisement on a city bench does not smack of rationalism.

The Ugly:

John Krasinski has perfected the "act-and-dash" since we've come back from Christmas break, but this week's was especially painful. Not only was the "leave Michael at the rest-stop bathroom" situation completely absurd (he really couldn't have waited one more minute for Michael to come out?), but John's bumbling, nervous parent act was cringe-worthy. Whatever he's filming in Alaska, let's hope it ends soon because it doesn't get much worse than being an Ugly for two weeks in a row.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:
Ah, so much to say about this one since we were there for Day 6 of 9 on the shooting schedule. We watched them film the cold open with Kelly and Ryan. We also watched Erin do a few talking heads (most of which did not make the episode), Michael & Holly arriving back at the office (which also did not make the episode), and Holly, Dwight and Erin going out on the search party. There was another part we watched them rehearse with Kevin telling Pam that her doodle was on the fridge -- essentially the same thing you saw Jim do in the episode that aired. I'm not sure if they decided to change it from Kevin to Jim initiating the caption contest or what, but I was surprised to see Jim doling out the clues for where to find the doodle.

Dwight's line, "You drive. My car is full of fox meat," was different when we watched them rehearse (and in the script we had for the day). When we saw it, he said, "You drive. My car is full of scarecrow heads," which I actually think is funnier than fox meat.
In the script, Creed's picture was supposed to be on the "Thief" board three different times, all showing him at different ages. I don't know why they decided to nix that -- maybe it was too hard to make Creed look younger?
The cold open actually had a lot more dialogue than they showed. It was really pared down from what we saw them do (which is probably the case with pretty much every scene, I'm guessing). There was also a line from Kelly which was quite confusing, in my opinion. I pointed it out to the people in the green room, and I also heard Rainn on set saying that it didn't make sense. I was happy to see on the episode that they cut it out. Here's how it was written in the script:

Pam: Back it up. What's the story here?
Kelly: Look, this wasn't one of those "we got drunk, let's get married on a whim" things. We were having a beautiful weekend in the Poconos...
It contradicted what she says two lines later when Andy asks when they got married and she says, "Like a week ago, we got hammered and it just felt right." So I was glad to see that my opinion was spot on, as usual. :)

*Funny enough, Rainn was not yet wardrobed-up when we had our picture taken with him, and he was wearing a shirt that said, "I heart Tehran." It went perfectly with Andy's rhyme scheme for the day.

If you haven't seen the pictures from my trip, you can view them by clicking here.

Quotable Quotes:

"Instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now, into my mouth?"
"You have no money, but you dined. And you dined so much!"
"Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so -- everybody."
Michael, to the snake at the pet store: "You are disgusting. You will never find love."
Pam, to Jim, on the phone: "Did the phone cut out?"

Top Chef: Good, Bad, Ugly

2011-02-03T19:28:00.008-05:00

On last night's episode of "Top Chef," the remaining All Stars learned that looks ARE everything and Lorraine Bracco won't put out if she doesn't like your pasta. An Italian elimination challenge proved to be not-so-tailor-made for at least one the three Chef Meatballs, and the episode certainly had its fair share of Good, Bad and Ugly. As always, don't forget to hover over the pictures to whet your appetite.

The Good:

The elimination challenge. Being 100% Italian myself, there's no way I couldn't like this challenge, but my cultural bias isn't the only reason it ended up in the Good category. I liked the simplicity of what the chefs did at Rao's. Like the food they were instructed to make, the challenge was no-frills, back-to-basics. No liquid nitrogen (sorry, Blais), no foam or mock caviar -- just good old-fashioned cooking, like Fabio's grandma would do it. Yes, asking chefs to dangle upside-down and cook for 7,000 hungry indigenous tribesmen in a zero-gravity chamber would make for good television, but sometimes less is more, and it definitely worked to the show's advantage last night.

The stew room. The looks on Mike, Angelo, Richard & Dale's faces when Antonia announced her win were priceless. Every episode of "Top Chef" needs a good laugh-out-loud moment, and this was it. Okay, maybe there's a chance that Angelo farted and the editors just made it look like they were reacting to Antonia, but if that's the case, bravo, editors! Bravo.

The Bad:

Tre's exit. Honestly, I wouldn't have been happy to see any of the bottom three chefs leave the competition, but I thought the Black Italian was whacked before his time. No, I didn't cry upon his departure like I will when Fabio or Blais are told to pack their knives, and I didn't laugh with an evil satisfaction like I did when Jamie and Marcel got the boot, but Tre is a guy I would have liked to see stick around a little longer. The judges seemed to have a lot more disdain for Dale's dish, but apparently a stiff risotto trumps a dry pasta in the world of culinary sins. If nothing else, we now have a better explanation for Dale's persistent anger issues. If that's the meal he likes to cook for his girlfriend and if his girlfriend is anything like Lorraine Bracco...well, let's just say that Dale isn't doing much of the horizontal mambo these days.

The Ugly:

The Rao's bartender's sequined vest. Mobsters are definitely better off sticking with basic black. Where is Isaac Mizrahi when you need him? Oh, wait...he's standing with Padma in the Top Chef kitchen for...
The quickfire challenge. For a challenge supposedly centered around visual beauty, those chefs sure managed to bring the ugly. Antonia's "Giving Tree"-inspired plate looked like a third grade science project (and was a little too reminiscent of Hung's Smurf village in Season Three), and Angelo's "crocadile" in a bag was just absurd. Thank goodness his lack of spell-check didn't distract Isaac from the truth: there was an ugly bag of goop sitting on the table, masquerading as art. I personally would have chosen Carla's dish over Richard's black ice cream, but I guess that's why they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

What, no prize for the elimination challenge winner? I thought Antonia would at least get an all-you-can-drink pass to the Bracco wine vault. Poor girl couldn't even get a hearty round of applause from her co-contestants.

What did you think of Top Chef Italia?

"Moving In, Moving On": Good, Bad, Ugly

2011-02-02T19:36:00.008-05:00

This week, "Moving In, Moving On" showed our teen moms going through some changes in their relationships. Some seemed to be moving in the right direction while others aren't even on the map. Here's the good, bad and ugly of it all..

The Good:

Leah and Corey. The power couple can do no wrong. Sure, their move into the Love Shack (emphasis on the "shack") was a little fast, but, like Leah said, it's hard to take it slow when you have two kids together. I think Leah and Corey have all the necessary ingredients for a healthy and stable relationship: mutual love and respect for each other, great parenting skills, supportive families and a trailer down by the river(with a fresh coat of paint!). So, it's nice to see them thriving. Even Ali's projectile vomit couldn't rain on their parade. I'm going to start calling these two Sandy and Danny because I fully expected their groups of friends to burst out into a chorus of "Tell me more, tell me more" when they were all chatting at the barbecue.

Kailyn's relationship decisions. Thank you, Kailyn, for putting the brakes on Jo's desire to have his happy little family back together. I'm sure it's difficult to resist the lure of 24/7 access to The Bank of Jo, even considering his terrible interest rates ("Pay me back double"??) but Kailyn made the right decision when she opted to stay focused on school, work and her baby. Now if only it would last longer than one episode.

The Bad:

Kieffer's bragging skills. I'm not sure if he realizes it, but being a high-school dropout, taking a couple of courses at culinary school and having the ability to give enormous hickeys all over someone's "friggin' neck" do not warrant an award for "Man of the Year." Kieffer sure has himself convinced that he's a hot ticket, and maybe Jenelle believes it, too, but I don't think he's fooling anyone else -- not crazy Barbara, not the restaurant owners in town who haven't hired him despite his "impressive" credentials, not even the alligator he taunted on his first real date with Jenelle.

The Ugly:

Chelsea. No, I'm not talking about her hair. Chelsea is an Ugly this week because of her googly-eyed ignorance. Every time she gets that ridiculous smile on her face when she talks about Adam, I want to just shake her. It's sad to see her turn into a pile of doe-eyed goop over He-Who-Remains-Inexplicably-Shirtless, but it's infuriating to see her lie to her dad about it.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Are Megan's eyes and teeth unnaturally white, or is it only an optical illusion because they're up against her unnaturally tan skin?
What was with Kieffer's "I just want y'all to be comfortable, you know what I'm saying?" comment and Jenelle's subsequent maniacal laughter? I felt like there were some drug-related innuendos going on there, but it was like an inside joke between stoners and I was clearly on the outside.

Quotable quotes:

I'm still not fully convinced that Jenelle & Kieffer's alligator friend wasn't the animatronic feature on Hole 16 at the mini golf course, but I couldn't help but laugh at their exchange before going to see it.

Kieffer: "How do you know he's gonna be there?"
Jenelle: "''Cause he's always guaranteed to be there." ... or your money back!

"The Seminar": The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

2011-01-28T18:53:00.010-05:00

An episode centered around the Nard Dog -- just what the doctor ordered. I think Andy is my second-favorite character on the show, next to Michael, and it's a close second. But rather than gush about my love for the well-dressed harmonizer, I will move on to my Good, Bad and Ugly for "The Seminar." Ready? 1-2-3, Creed!

*Hover over the pictures. You know you want to.*

The Good:

Andy. Okay, so I'm not done gushing yet. Master of Ceremonies Bernard just strikes a chord with me. Not only is he super flexible when he's nervous, but he's just so darn endearing. We know Andy would never lose his job at Dunder Mifflin, but seeing his name below Madge, Glenn and Hidetoshi on the sales list, you can't help but feel a little pang of sadness. If this were "Curb Your Enthusiasm," Andy would be Larry. If this were "Seinfeld," he would be George. Nothing ever goes right for the guy...until today. The seminar was a minor victory for our lovable salesman and a well-deserved one at that. Andy Bernard, I jlp you!

Creed. Yet again, Creed's bizarre nature came through beautifullyThe blank stare on his face before he went to speak to the seminar attendees was great. And his Loch Ness monster anecdote? Well, all I can say is that I think he and Michael need to team up and enter the movie tagline business. "He had two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two knee caps, a penis. He couldn't see, hear or speak. This is how he led a nation." That Oscar is so close I can smell it (and I'm not talking Martinez).

Darryl pulling a "Wilson" from behind the newspaper and protecting the oh-so-naive Andy from the "jackals."

Mikinos's gyro recipe (Michael's pep talk). I love when Michael shows some semblance of wisdom, and if there's anything he's good at, it's sales. My heart just gets a little bit warmer when I see Michael looking out for his ducklings.

The Bad:

The cold open. I know I'm going to catch some flack for this since Ricky Gervais/David Brent's appearance was so highly anticipated, but I thought the cold open was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it's because I only watched the first episode of the British "Office." Maybe it's because a Brit speaking quickly might as well be speaking Chinese to me. I couldn't understand half of what Michael and David said, let alone laugh at it. I'm not putting this in the ugly category because I do think it had its moments ("Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself."), but I was hoping for more.

Michael & Holly's communication skills. I guess the barrage of voices Michael & Holly went through upon her return to the office was foreshadowing for the way they would communicate to each other, well, indefinitely. I like a good impersonation as much as anybody, but I'm hoping Michael and Holly will have a heart-to-heart as Michael and Holly soon.

The Scrabble subplot. Erin is an airhead. We get it. Gabe is lacking in social skills. We get that too. Having to watch them compete in Scrabble over a cellphone for the entire episode was not enlightening or exciting. Even Oscar's righteous anger could save it.

Jim's absence. John Krasinski, if you're out there, hear this: your movie career is hurting the show that made you who you are! The "avoiding an old classmate" story was just another lame excuse for Jim to be out of the office for the episode, and I honestly didn't enjoy seeing Jim berated by another frenemy, just like he was by Dwight in "Classy Christmas." Last week it was Pam who was the helpless puppy, and this week it was her husband. Those Halperts need to get their groove back!

The Ugly:

Kevin's motivational speech. He was off to a good start. I actually laughed out loud when he waited for the right part of "Crazy Train" to begin his laps around the room. But this gag could have been cut wayyyyy short and still had comedic effect. Did we really need to see (and hear) Kevin barfing in a trash can? This scene made me feel worse than the time in high school I got mono and had my first period ever in the same week. Writers, editors -- have some restraint, if not for my sake, then do it for Lu Peachman.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Did Michael say that Holly's Greek name was Necropolis? That's just funny, I don't care who you are.

If Kelly hadn't coined the term first, Andy would make a great Etiquette Bitch. He was even polite when he told Dwight, Phyllis & Stanley to take their offer and shove it!

Quotable Quotes:

"Thank you so much, Tuna Turner. You are simply the best."
"I like 'Grease,' or, as we call it, home."
"The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam."

Teen Mom 2: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

2011-01-26T20:11:00.006-05:00

We got to share a national holiday with the moms and their families this week. As fireworks exploded over unwed mothers everywhere, I diligently took notes so that I could present you with The Good, The Bad and The Ugly from this week's episode. And while you're reading, don't forget to hover over the pictures for a good time.

The Good:

Chelsea's dad, Randy. This man is a saint -- a saint with a wallet full of hundred-dollar bills! What does this man do for a living, and is he hiring? Maybe Randy's financial support of Chelsea is a little over-the-top, but there's no question of how much he loves his daughter and granddaughter. If he wants to show it by handing out hundreds like they're Kleenex, who am I to criticize?

Leah & Corey's new beginning. Leah and Corey are what I'd imagine Catelynn and Tyler would have been like had they not given Carly up for adoption. Sure, their "defining the relationship" discussion wasn't in the most mature terms ("You call me your girlfriend and I call you my boyfriend?") and their bowling skills leave much to be desired, but these two are wise beyond their years. Leah, you might not think that your belly was big enough for Ali, but your heart and your mind have more than enough room to give those twins a wonderful life.

The part of Chelsea that thinks she "shouldn't take Adam back or even talk to him." The kid called your daughter a mistake and you a stretch-mark bitch. I know you want your child to have two parents, but is it really worth opening the door to that kind of abuse again? Listen to that little angel on your shoulder!

The Bad:

Jenelle's voice-overs. Who writes this crap? It's obvious that the girls are reading a script when they do narrations, but when she said, "Finding a job is gonna be really hard, and, on top of that, I have to get ready for college and babysit Jace," I almost fell off the couch. I'm pretty sure it's not called babysitting when it's your own child. Here's another gem: "With everything I want to do with my life right now, I'm starting to realize my mom might be in a better position to take care of Jace." What, pray tell, does Jenelle want to do with her life other than smoke marijuana and go on Wal-Mart shopping sprees?

Barbara. At first I thought Jenelle's mom was doing the right thing by taking custody of Jace. Then I realized that this is probably all part of Barbara's grand plan to trick her teen daughter into getting pregnant, steal the baby from her, raise him as her own and...take over the world? Whatever the case, Barbara is just a little too happy to assume the mothering duties from Jenelle. And the fact that she won't let Jenelle take him anywhere seems strange, too. As much as I don't sympathize with Jenelle's horrible parenting, after seeing her wacky mom and then hearing about how her father essentially abandoned her when she was young, I can understand why she may not be the most stable person out there.

Janet & Eddie's ultimatum. I find it hard to believe that super-mom-in-law's requirement that Kailyn not date while living under her roof is actually a rule that stems from having her grandson's best interest at heart. Rather, it seems like a mama bear not wanting her baby bear to be scorned. Hey, it's Janet's house, and she has been more than gracious to Kailyn so far, but forcing her to move out just because she's dating someone other than Jo seems counterproductive. Instead, maybe she should focus her energy on getting Jo to take the cigarette out from behind his ear, stop talking out of only one side of his mouth and help out with the daddy duties a bit more.

The Ugly:

Jo. You know where I'm going with this. Jo, playing arcade basketball with his brother, having a profanity-laden conversation about how Kailyn doesn't deserve to live in "his" house. Apparently, she "don't pay for shit, don't do nuttin'" and is "completely disrespectful." Hmm...can we say pot calling the kettle black?

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

When Leah pondered what Ali's problem was, all I could think was, "Girl, don't you have the Internet?" I would have Googled that stuff six ways from Sunday, beginning with "baby's leg looks like a frog leg."

Quotable quotes:

"The meal of people who move out" - Randy, referring to Chelsea's habit of eating Ramen Noodles

"The Ultimatum": Good, Bad, Ugly

2011-01-22T08:29:00.009-05:00

This Thursday, "The Office" returned not with a whimper, but not what I would consider a bang, either. I'm not going to recap the entire episode, so if you haven't seen it, you should get on that. Instead, I'm going to share with you what I considered to be the good, the bad and the ugly from the episode, otherwise known as the gummy worms, the gummy bears and the...black licorice? "Otherwise-otherwise known as a living, breathing angel." Okay, let's get on with it. *Hover over the pictures for an added bonus*

The Good:

Michael & Erin. These two need to start fighting crime together. I doubt they would ever actually catch a criminal, but they have a dynamic that Michael & his "solid seven," Pam, never had. I love that they think on the same level, as juvenile as it may be ("snot," anyone?), and it's clear that they care deeply about each other as well. I hope that when Michael & Holly end up together, it doesn't take a toll on his relationship with the lovable redhead (brunette?). At the very least, we need another champagne-spraying, Kelly Clarkson dance party (prerecorded Michael is optional).

Darryl. The writers gave him some great one-liners in this episode, and I think Craig Robinson pulled them off perfectly. Despite the fact that wanting to eat a PB&J on the way to the bookstore was a lame excuse to bring Dwight & Andy along for the ride AND the fact that these guys spent their entire work day at a bookstore and a rollerskating rink (I guess when Michael Scott is your boss, you can get away with some things), I liked this subplot and thought that Darryl really shined. I laughed out loud when he was shocked to the point of cursing at the realization that the e-reader can hold not 10 but 10 thousand books. Darryl is level-headed enough to be believable ("The day shift at a strip club? You can't un-see that") but relaxed enough to allow for some entertaining story-lines. No one can replace Michael Scott, but if someone has to, Darryl would be my top choice. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he was right when he said 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

Creed. I thought "The Ultimatum" showcased Creed's quirkiness perfectly. The fact that his resolution was to do a cartwheel but he was having trouble motivating? Genius. His reaction when Erin one-upped him? Priceless. His tombstone should read, "Here lies Creed Bratton. Genius. Priceless." Oh, wait -- his tombstone is already made, thank you.

Gabe trying (and failing) to intercept the Sabre frisbee. I love that character immensely. See how I did that, Erin?

The Bad:

The cold open. After weeks of absence, I was hoping "The Office" would come back stronger, but this opening just didn't hit the spot. Though it had its good points (John Krasinski looking adorable in sweater & scarf, the back of the Knights' shirts reading "we are unarmed"), the cold open came off almost like a game of flashlight tag -- slightly nerdy and not at all exciting.
Pam's resolution board. It couldn't hold a candle to Sue's construction-paper wonder at Vance Refrigeration. Plus, I'm tired of the writers waffling between putting Pam in a place of empowerment and making her a Debbie Downer for whom nothing ever goes right. She ventured out on her own to art school...and then dropped out. She tried to make it as a salesperson and failed. She needs Dwight Shrute to stop her child from reverse cycling. Now she has strong-armed Gabe into creating this role of Office Administrator, but the only things she's done with the position are landed herself in a war of wits with Dwight (and won only because of his essential surrender) and tried, unsuccessfully, to motivate her coworkers with preschool craft time. I'd really like to see Pam achieve something legitimately for once. Another Michael Scott replacement candidate, possibly?

Jim's absence. I know these things happen because of actors' movie schedules, but it's still weird to me that Jim is conspicuously absent from the entire episode. Something tells me that Kevin would not have been force-fed broccoli had Jim been there to stop it. Which leads me to...

The Ugly:

The broccoli scene. I know many people considered this hilarious. I personally couldn't handle it. Not only was it awkward and stretched out way too long, I just can't fathom that Kevin has never seen broccoli before. Is this the same guy that prides himself on his chili recipe and has "cooked his way through Julia Child"? Surely he can't be this misinformed or foreign to all things green and leafy. While I'm all for a good gag once in a while, I think "The Office" walks a fine line between silliness and believability, and, in my opinion, the broccoli stunt just crossed into "too silly to be funny" territory.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

Phyllis went to Portugal over Christmas break?
When Amy Ryan un-mittened her hands, I totally thought they were fake! I was expecting Holly to drop her prosthetic arms and show a real hand with a ring on it. I don't know if it was the way she was holding all her fingers together or the coloring of her skin or what, but they just looked plastic to me.
Did Greek Gods have rollerskates?

Quotable quotes:

"If she's engaged, I'm going to go crazy and I'm going to start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness."
"My resolution? Never to make Holly cry again...unless it's from laughing too hard or making love too beautifully."

What did you think of "The Ultimatum"?

Dissed by Rob & Kristen

2010-07-06T01:32:00.002-05:00

Last night, I received an insider tip from the in-the-know Twilight fan, Rachel Sokol, that stars of the Saga were rumored to be appearing at the 6:20 IMAX show at the AMC Century City in Los Angeles. Since Doreen and I just HAPPEN to be in L.A. approximately five miles from this theater, and I just HAPPEN to really like the Twilight series, we bought tickets for the show. When you buy tickets through AMC's website, you can actually choose your seats ahead of time, much like buying for a concert or sporting event. There wasn't much of a selection left -- two seats, eight apart, in the front row or a multitude of seats near the back of the theater. Since I was expecting an Omnimax-like setup, I knew the front row wouldn't be ideal for movie-watching, but it'd probably be better if the stars actually showed up as promised. So I went with the front row seats and hoped for the best.

Doreen and I headed out to Century City Westfield this afternoon and did some shopping/browsing while waiting for 6:20 to roll around. When we finally got into the theater, we took our seats, and I started to chat with some other enthusiastic girls sitting next to me. The one girl said she heard people saying it would be Robert Pattinson doing the appearance since he's currently in town filming "Water for Elephants." I commented that I'd love to see Rob, but I hoped that if he came, he wouldn't come with Kristen Stewart. If you've read any of my Facebook posts, you know of my distaste for this particular actress, but I also knew that if she was there, there would be little chance of any interaction with the fans or any substance to the visit. Kristen is notorious for dissing Twilight fans and acting totally unappreciative of any attention she gets, so I knew it'd be bad news if she showed up.

Before the movie began, a theater employee addressed the audience, saying that it was in fact true that Twilight stars would be visiting, but she could not confirm who it would be AND they wouldn't come until after the movie was over. Seriously -- two more hours wondering who was going to show up? We pretty much knew at this point it would be Rob, though, because she mentioned that the stars weren't coming until the movie was finished because of a "scheduling conflict."

So, two hours, a few shirtless wolves, sappy sections of dialogue, and strange vampire accents later, the credits rolled and the black-suited security guys began lining the aisles of the theater. The same lady from the beginning of the night came back and asked us to welcome Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! While Doreen frantically struggled with her Flip camera, trying to take a video, I snapped away on my camera, trying to get at least one good picture of Rob. Unfortunately, even though we were in the front row, there was an aisle directly behind us that separated us from the rest of the theater, and of course THAT'S where they were led in for their brief -- very brief -- address to the crowd. In between looking through my view finder and getting yelled at by a security guard to "calm down" (I scooted over to an empty seat next to me to try to get a better picture), all I really noticed was that Rob was wearing an ugly jacket and had a bad haircut, but that Kristen's new hair color looked nice. I really have no idea what they said or what Rob really looks like up close because I was too focused on trying to get a picture and it was all over in the blink of an eye. Before the movie, one of the audience members asked if the cast members would be able to sign autographs or take pictures. The lady responded that she wasn't sure and it depended on the stars' "moods." Well, we all know what kind of mood Kristen is usually in, so the power couple was literally in and out of the theater in less than one minute. Rob did sign someone's something-or-other on his way out, but overall it was a pretty disappointing experience.

When we were exiting the theater, I asked a few of the girls coming out behind me what they thought of the whole thing. They said, "If it were Rob and anyone OTHER than Kristen, they probably would have stayed a lot longer." My sentiments exactly! It pretty much felt like a tease. Yes, I suppose I was within one foot of the back of Robert Pattinson's head, which is pretty cool, but it would have been nice if they could have been at least a little more kind to the crowd. There were probably 100 people, max, in the theater -- how hard would it have been to indulge them in some autographs or a few pictures? And even if they didn't want to go that far -- couldn't they have at least said more than, "Thanks for coming to the show"? I blame it all on Kristen because, well, she sucks. And Doreen made a good point by saying, isn't it a waste of THEIR time as well to make it so in-and-out? They come all the way there and go through the hassle of being ushered in by security guards only to breeze right back out? Lame.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm glad I went and had this experience, however unsatisfying it may have been, but I'm looking forward to our trip to the set of "Dexter" tomorrow where I hope we get a little more love from some of our favorite people!

Glee to Me

2010-05-19T18:51:00.003-05:00

I started watching Glee a week or two ago. The first episode I watched in full was the Madonna episode, only because Hulu didn't have any of the earlier episodes posted. After watching that one and the following ep. with Kristen Chenowith, I was hooked. I ordered the Season One, Volume One DVDs so I wouldn't have to buy all of the episodes from iTunes that aren't on Hulu, and the rest is history.

After watching through the first 13 episodes on DVD and then returning to iTunes and Hulu to fill in the blanks, I'm almost caught up with this season. I just have the Doogie Howser episode yet to watch. I still like the show, but I have to say that I find a lot of it unnecessarily cheesy and annoying. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order, about Glee.

-Finn: After watching him chase Rachel through the library in the Madonna episode, I had an immediate crush. He's cute, and he looked even cuter when he was singing. But now that I've seen him scrunch his eyebrows together through 18 episodes and basically amount to a huge, indecisive airhead, the crush has faded.

-Emma: I hate this character. I like her outfits, but that's about it. From her voice to her obsessive cleaning rituals they try to play off as endearing, I find pretty much everything about her annoying. I think we are supposed to be rooting for her and Will, but it bothers me that she was putting the moves on him even before he was separated from Terri. Yes, Terri was a deceptive beeyotch who treated Will like crap, but that still didn't make me sympathize with the Emma situation. Also, her "engagement" to Ken was a really stupid plotline.

-Sue Sylvester: probably the best part of the show. I want to watch the show with a pen and paper so I can write down every quotable quote that comes out of her mouth. I also love the scenes between her and her sister in the nursing home. Guy informed me that the actress who plays Sue is a regular in Christopher Guest movies, so that makes me curious as to how much of what she says is ad-libbed...which makes me love her even more.

-Quinn: Now that she's pregnant, she's suddenly Miss Congeniality? Sorry, but I don't think someone who was on a horse as high as hers can be brought back down to earth as easily as they have made it out to be.

-Artie: First of all, I thought he was giving the cupcake money to buy handicap ramps at the school, but in the episode where they go to sectionals, there he is getting on the special bus. His mode of transportation is the least of my worries, though. I don't mind his participation in the choreographed dance numbers because at least he doesn't look sorely out of place, but when the kids have an impromptu jam session in the choir room, it's always so awkward to see him just sitting there. In one of the most recent episodes I watched, all of the other Glee kids were having a dance-off to "Ice Ice Baby," and they just left Artie sitting there and shaking his arms a little bit. The absolute worst Artie situation, though, was when they did the mattress commercial and he was just sitting in the background with a piece of posterboard that said "Jump." I know I'm borderline Sue Sylvester insensitive when I say it, but it was painful to watch.

-Santana: Eye candy and that's about it. When they finally let her sing a solo with Mercedes in "The Boy is Mine," I realized why it had taken them so long to let her sing on her own.

-Kurt - love everything about him. Every episode that features him prominently, whether it was the Single Ladies one, the one where he sang Defying Gravity, or the one I just watched with Rose's Turn, is always a fun hour of television. Plus, I like the scenes between him and Mike O'Malley.

The show in general is almost always enj0yable to watch, and it's especially good to exercise to (lots of skinny girls to envy, plus musical numbers to keep things upbeat), but one thing I'm confused about is how much time supposedly lapses between each episode. When I originally watched the Madonna episode with Jesse St. James, I thought he would have been introduced to the show much earlier than the prior episode. In the end, Glee definitely has its flaws -- it's no Seinfeld or LOST -- but the bottom line is that it's entertaining, and for that reason alone, I'll keep tuning in.

And now, the Villains

2010-01-08T13:26:00.002-05:00

Jerri Manthey: Again?? Yes, Jerri is well known for her villainous act of lying about some guy having a granola bar in his backpack and consequently having him voted off, but what else has she really done? She has already played in two seasons (Australia and All Stars), and it seems pretty unnecessary to have her back again. I think the only purpose is to have the Jerri/Colby plot line again, but let's hope they don't waste too much time on that one.

Tyson Apostol: He appeared on the Tocantins season, and that's all I can say about that.

Randy Bailey: Again, another supposed villain I know nothing about. He was on the Gabon season. Fill me in if you think he's deserving of his spot on this tribe.

Danielle DiLorenzo: Danielle and her breasts that double as life preservers was the runner up on Survivor: Panama. Other than her way-too-symmetrical-to-be-real chest, I remember she was extremely annoying and I didn't even want to watch the finale because I couldn't care less if she or Aras won the grand prize. How she fell into the Villains category remains to be seen.

Russell Hantz: I didn't watch him last season, but I hope he sticks around long enough to live up to the hype that surrounds him as the most evil Survivor player of all time.

Boston Rob Mariano: Yes, he was a schmuck for proposing to Amber on the season finale of All Stars, but he is definitely up there with Jonny Fairplay as one of the biggest Survivor villains of all time. I'll become a hypocrite and not be annoyed that he's already played this game twice just because I hope he'll be so entertaining to watch. I also hope he and Amber are still together. Anyone know the answer to that?

Parvati Shallow: This girl literally makes me sick. Again, I say? Parvati has done nothing but flirt her way to the top for way more than her deserved number of days on the island in the past, and bringing her back again just seems pointless. She is a reality-TV whore and will never make anything of herself without her appearances on these shows, much like the casts of MTV challenge shows, so I'm really hoping she'll be kicked off at the beginning of the season. I also just can't stand to hear Jeff mispronounce her name for another thirteen episodes.

Sandra Diaz-Twine: Sandra was funny during her run on the Pearl Islands, I'll give her that. I think she also may have spied on people in the bushes and maybe done a bit of backstabbing, but a villain? Not really. She definitely wasn't villainous enough to deter the jury from giving her a million dollars. Her appearance this season could go either way for me.

Benjamin Wade, aka Coach: I've heard this name thrown around quite a bit in the Survivor world, but I can't say I know much about him. He appeared on Survivor Brazil, and I already like him better than Parvati!

Courtney Yates: Survivor: Heroes vs. Bitches would be a better title for a season in which Courtney is included. She is still just as disgustingly skinny as she was on Survivor: China and probably just as bitchy, if not more.

So, there you have it,-- the cast of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains. Will you be watching when it premieres on February 11th?

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains

2010-01-08T13:02:00.003-05:00

I haven't watched a full season of Survivor since Fans vs. Favorites. I stuck with it from Season 2 up to that point, but I just couldn't commit myself to an hour of television every week that was basically the same every season. However, when I heard they were doing a Heroes vs. Villains season, I knew I might have to watch. They finally revealed the cast, and I have to say, I'm a little disappointed with who they're bringing back. Some of the people have played the game three times already! Here are the cast members, along with my thoughts on them.

Heroes:
-Colby Donaldson - appeared on Season 2, The Australian Outback, and Survivor All Stars, as well as a few Gillette commercials, I do believe. Colby was kicked out relatively early in All Stars, so even though this is his third time on the show, I feel like I wouldn't mind seeing more of him this season.

-Rupert Boneham - appeared on Pearl Islands and All Stars. Rupert won $1 million for being America's favorite back when he was on the All Star season, but I think I read that he burned through it pretty quickly, so I'm not surprised to see him back. I'm also not surprised to see that he doesn't appear to have shaved or showered since then, though he has lost some weight.

J.T. Thomas Jr. - never heard of him. Apparently he was on Survivor: Tocantins and won. I honestly don't like the idea of previous winners being allowed back. They'll be voted off almost immediately for the pure fact that they've won, and if they've made it to the end of the show once, haven't we seen enough of them already?

James Clement, aka the Grave Digger - James is about the size of a Monster Truck and as dumb as one, too. This will be his third run at the Sole Survivor title. What I remember most about him is having to read way too many subtitles while watching because of never being able to understand what he is saying.

Tom Westman - Tom was the All-American fireman on the Palau season, and he breaks my rule of not having any previous winners back for a second round. The only thing he has going for him, in my opinion, is that this is only his second time on the show, so I won't mind seeing him in the spotlight again.

Cirie Fields - Cirie is hilarious - no doubt about it. She always has something witty to say in her confessionals, but this is her third time on Survivor. If she whines and complains about dirt and bugs this time, I might reach through the television and strangle her.

Stephenie LaGrossa - Stephenie was amazing during her run on the Palau season, but her novelty wore off when she made it to the runner-up position in the next season in Guatemala. She's already had her second chance at the million. Maybe third time's a charm for her, but I would have rather seen her spot filled with someone with a less annoying accent.

Jessica Kiper - known as Sugar, Jessica appeared on the Gabon season, and I know nothing about her other than I think she cried a lot. Doesn't sound very heroic to me.

Amanda Kimmel - If there's any one person they could have chosen for this season that would have made me NOT want to watch it, it's Amanda. Not only is she pathetic and boring, but she's been to the final Tribal Council TWICE (in China and Micronesia) and could not pull off a win. See what I mean? Pathetic. And if she latches onto another guy this season and he professes his love for her at the jury's questioning, I think I might puke in an envelope and mail it to her as my way of saying thanks.

Candice Woodcock - I really don't remember much about Candice from her season in Cook Islands. The only thing I vaguely remember is when she boldly decided to switch tribes and was upset when Jonathan Penner (who I like much, much better than her) followed suit. She seems like a "uh-oh, no one else will participate" kind of choice rather than a true hero of Survivor's past 19 season.

That about sums up the heroes. Stay tuned for a post on the Villains since this one is getting a bit long.

I Laugh at Weird Things

2010-01-07T19:39:00.000-05:00

I've been told I have a weird sense of humor, but I have to say, I keep myself pretty entertained. Here's a dialogue I just had with Guy that made me laugh. See if it strikes your fancy the same way it struck mine!

Me: Was that your phone getting text messages?

Guy: When?

Me: I dunno, a while ago.

Guy: Probably. I got two texts a little while ago.

Me: Who dey from?

Guy: My brother.

Me: What'd he want?

Guy: He wanted to know the name of the fat band leader from...Bethel Park.

The end. I don't know why that made me laugh, but it did.

Crazy Clairton People

2009-10-02T17:46:00.002-05:00

So, you may have seen my status yesterday about my bad experience with Freecycle in Clairton. Here's what happened:

I'm collecting garage sale items for a charity sale at work, and I posted a wanted ad on Freecycle. I got a response from a woman in Clairton saying she had several boxes of "knock knacks" from flea markets. I should have known right then that she was nuts. However, I'm not one to turn down a generous offer, so I set up a pickup time and got her address.

Yesterday was the day of pickup, and I had another stop to make in Imperial, where I actually received a large amount of clean, quality items. I was happily making my way into the bowels of Jefferson Hills when Gladys (the GPS I borrowed from my mom) told me I had arrived at my destination. I look to see a small, run-down house with a fenced-in yard overflowing with plastic children's toys. I'm talking pools, playhouses - you name it. I didn't see any boxes, so I went down a small alley of sorts to the back of her house. Sitting there were about 10 boxes of items, and I knew I was in trouble from just the sight of it. A rusty water cooler, an old stained pair of black pants, and a box full of dirty miniature tea sets was all I could distinguish from the masses. My car was already pretty full from my first stop, so I decided to take a few boxes of her items, just because I said I would, even though I knew I'd probably have to get rid of them at home or at least scour my body with bleach and pumice stones after coming in contact with them. I briefly rummaged around to figure out what I could possibly salvage and also what I could fit in my car. After loading in three boxes and a bag, I went on my merry way, intending to e-mail this woman when I got home, thank her for her donations, and make up some excuse about not being able to return for the rest of the items. In my defense, this was a 45-minute drive for a ton of junk that really belongs in a dump rather than on a flea market table.

So, I get home an hour or so later, after making a pit stop at Giant Eagle on the way, and I open my mailbox to compose my apology letter when what do I see? Hmm...an e-mail entitled "garage sale items" written by Nikki Morsaint, junk provider herself. Here is the exact text of the e-mail:
you know, I went through a lot of trouble to get things ready for you. I took several hours away from my kids in order to have it ready for you, and then you don't even take it. Not only that, but you don't have thew decentcy to knock on my door and tell my to lug it all back downstairs again, let alone bother to help. I am so glad I could be of help to your fundraiser." (typos were all hers)

I was shocked. Is this woman seriously yelling at me for not taking her ten piles of crap? Is she a quadrapelegic? How could it have possibly taken her HOURS to haphazardly dump a bunch of old junk in boxes and toss them on her lawn? And in what world am I going to knock on somebody's door that I've never met, in a bad neighborhood, and offer to help her "lug" her 3-pound cardboard boxes back inside? In hindsight, it would have been better for me to ignore her entirely, but I have a hot temper when it comes to being insulted through e-mail, so I wrote her back and explained that she only told me she had "several" boxes and I didn't have room in my car. I said I was actually going to thank her, but so much for that idea. Needless to say, we had an e-mail fight for a sequence of about 5 back-and-forths, where she proceeded to say that I was a liar, I only took the "new" items, and she took off work for the day in order to get things ready for me. By the end of all of this, I was fuming. Her comments were not only absurd, but verging on insanity. Our e-mail rants eventually ended, but I did get a little comfort from the moderator of Freecycle who told me that this woman was off-base and had no right to complain that I could not take 10 boxes of stuff when she only claimed to have a few.

Eventually I got over this little tiff and moved on with my life...until...I saw THIS post on craigslist today:
I took the time to go through all of my items for this woman that was so in need of these items for a fundraiser. It turns out she only took the box of new stuff, so she actually did not want flea market items, she wanted new stuff. It is unfortunate that other people use fundraisers as a means to get new things. Anyways I now have 8 boxes of flea items with no where to put them. They are ready to go, email for address.

ARE YOU SERIOUS, WOMAN??? I would really like to organize some kind of campaign against her, like where lots of people respond to her ad for the items and then either don't show up, show up and only take one or two boxes, or show up and add MORE boxes of junk to her piles. However, that's my vengeful side talking. All I did was send her a response to her craigslist ad, asking why she's still saying rude and untrue things. She probably won't respond, and tomorrow this will all be under the bridge, but for now, please leave a comment to commiserate/sympathize. It'd make me feel better.

Emmy Blooper

2009-09-20T20:27:00.002-05:00

While listening to the Emmys for best TV miniseries in the other room, I was looking at photos of celebrities on the red carpet. Look what an error I came across! I know actors probably hate it when fans call them by their characters' names, but they must hate it even more when even the media gets it wrong!
Can you make it out?

Funny People

2009-08-15T19:45:00.003-05:00

Just another funny thing Guy said that I felt like I wanted to post here.

I was trying to plan a week-long promotion at work revolving around the number 2. I wanted to do a sale or bargain each day like "20% off," "buy 2, get one free," etc. I ran out of variations on the number 2, so I was asking Guy for help. I said I could do "double" something, and he helpfully suggested that maybe everyone could pay double that day to come to day care. Not quite the promotional deal. There was a long silence, and I asked him why he wasn't suggesting anything else, and he just said, "I don't know. All I can think of is "double chicken."

Of course it makes no sense, but it made me laugh.

Am I Well-Read?

2009-07-22T21:50:00.002-05:00

BBC Book List

BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions:
Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible x
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Total: 2

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier X
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faul
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 1

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky X
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carrol
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 3

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein X
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden X
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total: 4

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving X
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 4

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total: 0

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Duas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 0

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

Total: 1

80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total: 1

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total: 3

Total: 19

Happy Birthday To Ya

2009-07-02T13:18:00.000-05:00

I would just like to wish my biggest blog fan a happy birthday. I won't name any names, Jerod, but you sure are getting old!

Have a good one, brotha.

4 Years

2009-06-18T16:27:00.002-05:00

You may remember the anniversary poem that Guy wrote for me last year. Well, I got a new one this year, so before I thank him for it, I decided to post it on here. :)

One year ago when I wrote you that poem,
We had one less beast living in our home.
I questioned if a child or a dog would come next,
which you answered by sending Lola in a text.
Thus the Tarberts began rollin' four deep,
and you received scratches whilst trying to sleep.
In need of a break from our two demon pets,
you booked us a trip and we hopped on a jet.
They say, "We're the town with the great football team,"
but now that we've seen it, we know what they mean!
Perched way up high inside Raymond James,
we rooted the Stillers toward 6-time world fame!
The Disney week pales when compared to that win,
but it still was fun and I'd do it again.
Although, it was costly. Where'd we get the money?
Did you sell a kidney or do something else funny?
You quit the Sharp Edge, and, good riddance, what a crock!
Although I do miss excuses to drink Gulden Draak.
Now you answer phones, be creative, and blog,
all for the South Hills' luckiest dogs!
You're finally doing something you love.
For once your work days fit you like a glove.
Not much ahs changed for me in this past year,
just doing I.T. and sitting on my rear.
So congrats to us both, we've made it to four;
Here's to the past and to many more!

Yay for Guy the poet!

Arby's Oddities

2009-06-09T17:33:00.002-05:00

My new commute to work involves driving past two Arby's restaurants, and I am somewhat ashamed to say that I eat at one of them at least once a week. Aside from enjoying my occasional roast-beast sandwich and jamocha shake, I have noticed a few strange things about Arby's. First of all, they have signage on their counter that advertises "sides" for your meals. It lists: hash browns, jalapeno poppers, cup of cheese. It all sounds normal until you get to the "cup of cheese." Now, I realize that this is probably cheese to dip your poppers or possibly even your curly fries in, but should a cup of cheese really be considered a side? Maybe they list it as a side so they can justify charging the same price as they would for a legitimate add-on to a meal, but it just bothers me.

Secondly, I have noticed that both Arby's (Arby'ses?) have posted small signs near the road that say "Bag of Ice - 99 cents." Is business really that bad that Arby's has to sell water during the summer to stay out of the red? What would compel a person to swing by their local Arby's seeking a bag of ice? I guess 99 cents is a good price as far as bags of ice go, but there still seems to be something fishy about this particular item for sale.

In other fast-food news, Guy was amazed that no one removed the "g" from the sign at McDonald's for the new Angus burger.

If I Were a Rich Man

2009-05-14T15:31:00.003-05:00

I've come to realize over the years of my adulthood that unless I win the lottery, I will probably never be rich. And I rarely play the lottery, therefore my chances of hitting a jackpot are slim to none (not that they'd be much better even if I did play the lottery). Most of the time, I'm okay with the idea of a future with not a lot of money. However, there are sometimes when an opportunity arises in life that requires a lot of money to fulfill, and those are the times I envy the mega-rich. For instance, the other day, my mom's friend got in contact with her to ask if any of her kids would be interested in purchasing a season ticket license for the Steelers. Now, if you live in Pittsburgh, or another city where football is popular, you know the difficulty of obtaining a season ticket license. I am on the waiting list for season tickets, but I don't think I'll reach the top for another 40 years, if ever. So, when my mom told me of the offer, I obviously asked for more details. And here they were: the seat license cost over 10 grand, and the actual season tickets were another 1,500 or so. I don't even have 10 grand in the bank, even if I were to have a moment of temporary insanity where I would spend my savings on the Steelers. So, obviously I had to pass up the opportunity, and it was/is quite disappointing. Hopefully in a few days or so, though, with my mind being boggled from the insanity that is LOST, as well as a few other thoughts streaming through my mind, I will get over the disappointment and get back to the status quo.

He's Just a Boy Who Can't Say No

2009-05-05T20:14:00.002-05:00

I called Guy on my way home from work today, only to hear some devastating news. Someone from Bethel Park football called and convinced Guy to buy yet another book full of pizza coupons. We bought a book last year and have barely used any of it because either the coupons entail buying a huge amount of pizza or you have to pick the pizza up (or it's from a gross pizza place like Italian Village). So, after chastising Guy for essentially wasting $24.95, I decided to let him off the hook. After all, I know he has trouble turning people down when they solicit him. However, my solution to the problem would be to encourage Guy to sharpen his nay-saying skills to prepare him for his inevitable future encounters with people who want to sell him something he doesn't need. His solution? He's never going to answer the phone ever again.

Family Feud

2009-04-29T11:44:00.002-05:00

I was watching Family Feud, as I typically do when I'm home around noon, and the question was: Name a famous "Joe." Answers on the board included Joe Montana, Joe Dimaggio, Joe the Plumber, and Joe Namath.

When the host was revealing the answers that the feuding families didn't guess, the last one he revealed was "Joe Biden." At that point, the camera cut to a blonde lady on one of the teams who proceeded to scrunch up her face and mouth, "Who's that??"

And I'm willing to be she voted for Obama.

Update

2009-04-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

I'm only working 4-8 on Friday, 4/18, just in case anyone was planning on coming during the afternoon.

A Breakfast Haven

2009-04-11T15:53:00.004-05:00

If, like me, you love good breakfast food, you need to eat at the Dor-Stop in Dormont. It's right on Potomac avenue, off of West Liberty. Parking is not as easy to find as the restaurant itself, but if you park on the street a short way down from the diner, at least you'll burn off some of the large amounts of calories you are sure to consume during your meal.

Jess and I went there for breakfast around 10:30 this morning. It was packed! We had to put our name in, and we waited about ten minutes before two seats opened up at the counter, but other people waited a lot longer than us. Tip -- if you go to the Dor-Stop, go with a small number of people or be willing to split up. They don't have a lot of seating options for groups larger than four people, and if you want to stick together, your wait will be much longer.

When we sat down at the counter, we were greeted by a friendly man in the apron who we determined was the owner because his picture was in a newspaper article on the wall. He was very nice, asking where we were from, if it was our first time there, how we had heard about it, etc. When our waitress came, I ordered oatmeal chocolate-chip pancakes, and Jess ordered one pumpkin and one oatmeal pancake. They have lots of neat options for pancake mix-ins, like bananas and walnuts, and they also have raspberry-stuffed french toast. Or, for those of you who prefer a savory breakfast, the menu has lots of options for omelets, eggs, bacon, sausage, and more.

Our food arrived within ten minutes, and, boy, was it worth the wait. The pancakes were covered in butter and powdered sugar, and we helped ourselves to a squeeze bottle of syrup that was on the counter. My meal cost 8.39 for three pancakes and a side of bacon. Not too shabby.

If you want to try out the Dor-Stop, I would highly recommend it. Check out their website and menu here. The owner told us that their least busy times are around 8:00 a.m. and 2:15 p.m., but my guess is that things never quite slow down at this gem of a diner.

Help Me Help You

2009-04-06T13:33:00.002-05:00

As some of you may know, next week is my last week as a full-time server at the Sharp Edge before I start working at Camp Bow Wow. There's a slim chance that I might keep a shift here or there at the restaurant, but I'm hoping I won't have to. Anyway, if you'd like to come visit me before I'm finished in the waitressing world, here are my shifts for the next two weeks:

Tuesday, 4/7 - 4-8 p.m.

Wednesday, 4/8 - 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Thursday, 4/9 - 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Friday, 4/10 - 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Tuesday, 4/14 - 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Wednesday, 4/15 - 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Friday, 4/17 - 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Saturday (LAST DAY!!) - 4 - 8 p.m.

As always, end times are approximate, so your best bet is to come somewhere in the middle of a shift. And I'll be able to pay more attention to you if you come on a weekday rather than a weekend. Hope to see you there!

Anatomy of a Restaurant Patron, Part Four - Seating Arrangements

2009-04-05T20:57:00.002-05:00

As with any job, being an insider allows you to be privy to certain tidbits of information that the public does not know. At a restaurant, some of these tidbits are seemingly common sense, but I've heard the same comments over and over so many times, that I feel it is necessary to explain a few things.

First, servers are usually assigned sections of the restaurant, consisting of four to five tables, in which customers are seated and then taken care of by that particular server. The quality level of service often has an inverse relationship to the number of tables a server has. However, there are not always enough servers scheduled on any given shift to cover every table in the restaurant. This is due to a predicted pattern of business volume. On a Monday afternoon (or any afternoon, for that matter) at the Sharp Edge, there is only one server. If, by a fluke occurrence, ten tables decide to sit down to eat at the same time, it's a sticky situation.

I bring up this matter because of one comment I've heard both at my restaurant and at others while I was a guest. If you go to a restaurant and there is a wait to be seated, yet you still see empty tables, chances are there are not enough servers to cover the tables. Would you rather have a seat and receive extremely terrible service because your server is overwhelmed, or would you rather wait fifteen minutes until another table clears out? So many times people come in and say, outraged, "Why is there a wait when I see all these empty tables??" Well, now you know why.

The second seating situation I'd like to address in this post is quite simple. If you see a sign on the wall that says, "Please Wait to be Seated," then please wait to be seated. It's a rare occurrence that restaurants these days have people seat themselves. When you saunter in like you own the place and grab a table, you're likely messing up the seating rotation between servers, thus subjecting yourself to an annoyed server and one who may be too busy to pay proper attention to you. Furthermore, do not go into a restaurant, tell the hostess that you are sitting at the bar, and then proceed to seat yourself at a booth NEAR the bar. It's not the same thing. If you're not sitting in a bar stool, you're not considered to be sitting at the bar.

Lastly, if you have a seating preference (near a television, in a certain server's section, etc.), feel free to voice your preference, but do it BEFORE you're taken to your seat. Don't sit down, decide you don't like the view, and ask to switch. And certainly don't ask to switch tables midway through your meal. Just finish your food and know better next time.

ARP, Part Three: Your Table is Not a Trash Receptacle

2009-03-21T09:42:00.003-05:00

At my restaurant, there are no bussers. Servers are responsible for cleaning off dirty dishes and other paraphenalia from their own tables and getting them reset for the next diners. Managers and the hostess sometimes help out, but it's mainly our responsibility.

I worked in the college dishroom for a few years at Grove City, so I'm not usually bothered by disgusting combinations of food scraps and leftovers. What DOES bother me, however, is used paper products left on the table. I'm talking tissues, baby wipes, gum wrappers*, etc. Luckily we only pass out paper napkins upon request, so it cuts down on the paper clutter, but I still have to find a way to avoid touching many used tissues and wipes each day.

Think about it: Would you want to clean up someone else's snotty Kleenex? Dishes are part of the job. Your miscelleneous waste is not (or shouldn't be). If you need to blow your nose or wipe your baby's hands, please find another way of disposing of the trash other than leaving it on the table for me to take away...and PLEASE don't set the dirty culprits on the plates. This is what grosses me out more than anything else.

Furthermore, shredded straw wrappers, coasters, and menus are a nuisance. Can you find something else to do with your hands while you're waiting for your food to arrive? Maybe reach into your wallet and get that nice tip ready. ;)

Again, this topic has a lot to do with putting yourself in your server's place and imagining what kinds of trash you would not want to be subjected to. There are garbage cans readily available in the restrooms as well as behind the hostess stand - all you have to do is ask. So, I beg of you, stop thinking of your table as a catch-all for anything you have dirtied or no longer need, and stop leaving it for me to clean up after you leave.

*PLEASE don't use sugar packets as a place to dispose of your chewing gum, and especially don't put the sugar packet back in with the rest after you do so! You won't believe how many times I've encountered this sickening situation.

ARP, Part Two: Mind Your Manners

2009-03-21T09:31:00.002-05:00

Restaurant life would be a whole lot easier if patrons would mind the Golden Rule -- do unto others (servers) as you would have them do to you. Though this isn't the movie "Waiting," and we don't do gross things to nasty people's food (at least not at the Sharp Edge), lack of prospective punishment doesn't mean you should treat your server with no respect.

For starters, just because I am waiting on you and you are paying for my services does not mean that it is okay to bark orders at me, snap your fingers to get my attention, or treat me as if I am lower on society's totem pole than you are. I am college-educated, as is mostly everyone that I work with, but we choose this profession because it best fits our lifestyles.

"Please" and "Thank you" are welcome phrases in my line of work. If I make a mistake (we all do), do your best to be understanding and patient. You wouldn't believe how much the attitude, whether positive or negative, of one customer can color a server's entire day. Above all else, the next time you go out to eat, do your best to put yourself in your server's shoes...and be nice!

Anatomy of a Restaurant Patron, Part One

2009-03-19T10:13:00.003-05:00

I have worked as a server in a restaurant for almost a year now. I honestly didn't think I would be working there this long, but I have to say, it's been quite a learning experience. I'd venture to say that everyone tends to think they could be a waiter or waitress because they've eaten out and seen SOME of the ins and outs of it, however, I don't think you can ever fully understand the job until you've done it yourself. Though it can sometimes be a fast way to make good money, more often than not, it's aggravating, frustrating, and a lot of hard work.

So, I've decided to post some diatribes on the things that bother me the most about restaurant customers. This first post will be dedicated to the Holy Grail of restaurant life -- the gratuity. Servers in Pennsylvania have a minimum required wage, paid by their employer, of $2.83 an hour. That's almost $5 an hour less than the standard minimum wage. Therefore, tips make up the vast majority of a server's income.

If you are pleased with your restaurant experience, especially the service by your waitress, you should always tip at least 18 to 20% of your check. I repeat -- 18 to 20%. Not 10, not 15. If you can't afford to add that customary gratuity onto your total, you really shouldn't go out to eat. You have to understand that you are the one paying the server's salary. When you give a server who has done a perfectly good job a tip of less than average, it basically amounts to a lot of hard work on their part for nothing. And trust me, we remember customers who don't tip well.

On the other hand, we also remember the people that seem to understand our plight and give a little extra. A good tip can go a long way in the restaurant world.

So, please -- I know the economy is in a slump, but if you can afford to eat out, you can afford to give a decent tip.

Recurring Dream

2009-03-18T07:17:00.001-05:00

Guy sent me this comic this morning, and I'm amazed at how accurate it is! I have this dream ALL the time. My high-school dreams also usually involve forgetting my locker combination, but other than that, it's just like xkcd says!

Check it out.

Birthday Critique

2009-03-08T21:26:00.004-05:00

Last night, I went out with a small group of friends to celebrate my 26th birthday. For dinner, we went to Hibachi Japan at Donaldson's Crossroads. It was the second time I'd gone there, but everyone else was a first-time guest. I really enjoyed the food, and I think the prices are reasonable for that kind of meal. My only critique of the dinner was the taste of the shrimp dipping sauce. I think I like Benihana's better. But overall, I thought it was nice, and I hope everyone had a good time.

After dinner, Jerod and Laura went to check on Sallace, Jules & Taylor had to go home, and Guy, Emily, and I browsed TJMaxx until movie time. We were going to see a 7:00 showing of Coraline in 3-D at the theater by the mall. Emily bought a giant Rice Krispie for $2 to bring into the movie, Guy got a new pair of jeans, and I stocked up on prizes for Sarah's bridal shower in five months (yeah, I'm overly prepared).

After our brief shopping outing, we met back up with Jerod and Laura at the theater. Tickets were an extra $2.50 because the show was in 3-D, which I think kind of sucks, but oh well. The theater we were in was one of the smaller rooms, and only a handful of people were in it. I was sad to see that a lot of the seats were damaged, and the theater in general was not in good shape. It was like a $12 trip to the maxi-saver. Carmike, where did you go wrong?

Anyway, after 20 minutes of commercials and previews, and a brief glitch where we could only hear previews but not see them, the movie began.

I have not seen any other Tim Burton movies, but I know what they typically look like, and "Coraline" was no exception in the realm of excellent animation. The entire film was a pleasure to the eye -- yes, even the part where she squashed thousand-leggers with her bare hands. Who does that, by the way?

Though "Coraline" was visually pleasing, I felt that the story was a bit lacking in excitement and depth. The movie is based on a novel, so I'd be interested to see what details were left out. The story moved slowly and allowed a number of wordless scenes accompanied by a haunting soundtrack to provide exposition. My mind wandered a lot during these scenes, and though I appreciated the artsiness of the movie's style, I found it a bit boring at times. Then, as the movie progressed towards its ending, I felt like things were wrapping up too quickly, without enough explanation. If you haven't seen it, Coraline ends up finding the souls of other children who her "Other Mother" has tricked into staying in her world. The children tell them she needs to save them by finding their eyes. They call the Other Mother the beldam. There's no explanation as to why they call her this or why their "eyes" end up being bouncy balls and handles on exotic lawn equipment. I'm sure there are more things I can think of where I would have appreciated more information, like why a triangular-shaped rock with a hole in the center allows Coraline to find the ghosts' eyes, but the film relied on its looks more than its substance to impress viewers from the start, so it was no surprised that it followed through with this trend to the finish.

Even though the movie was a bit different than I expected, I did have a grand old time on my birthday eve, and I'm glad my friends were able to join me for it.

And one last side note on "Coraline" -- Why, oh, why, did they have to give almost every woman EXTREMELY large breasts? And what on earth possessed the animators to do the scene with the large-breasted old woman dresssed in only sparkly pasties and a thong? I thought I couldn't see anything more disgusting than Coraline smashing bugs with her bare hands. I thought wrong.

Bird's the Word

2009-03-01T13:08:00.001-05:00

This video absolutely cracks me up.

It reminds me of Guy when he dances. :)

My Literary Friends

2009-03-01T10:56:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite quotes about reading is, " You know you've read a good book when you get to the end and feel like you've lost a good friend."

I totally feel that way every time I finish a book that I've really enjoyed. You've gotten to know the characters so well, and there's a sad sort of feeling that you don't have any time left with them. I've never been a big reader, but I do enjoy a great book every once in a while. Here is a list of some of my "friends" from my favorite books. See if you can guess what books they are from.

-Henry and Clare
-Edward and Bella
-John and Owen
-Amir and Hassan
-Sayuri
-Harry, Ron, and Hermione (easy one)
-Lena, Tibby, Carmen, and Bridget
-Rebecca Bloomwood

Tell Me About Your Gym

2009-02-28T23:30:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year again when the weather starts to warm up a bit and I feel depressed that I do not want to go anywhere near a bathing suit. So, as the never-ending cycle goes, I'm trying to figure out ways to get in shape. I would like to join a gym, but money might prevent me from doing so. I also can't decide what gym to join. I was a member of Just Ladies in BP a few years ago, but I felt like it was kind of far, and the drive there always annoyed me. So I'm trying to think of somewhere that might be closer/faster. I also can't decide if it's better to pick a gym that's closer to work or closer to home. There are quite a few that are close to work, so that may be easier, but the on the days I'm not working, I may not want to go, and on the days I do work, I may be too tired.

Does anyone out there belong to a gym that's affordable that you also enjoy? Let me know any insider info that you may have. Also, if anyone is interested in joining somewhere with me, I'd be much more likely to actually exercise if I had someone to go with.

Quotables

2009-02-28T20:08:00.003-05:00

Two of my favorite funny lines from the past week - one from Guy and one from his cynical sidekick, House.

Patient: Einstein said, "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
House: A woman in Florida said, "Look, Jesus is on my cheese sandwich."

Me: I told my mom how you used to beat people up.
And then we talked about if me and you have children, they'll be doomed.

Guy: To what? Good looks? [ Laughs evilly ]

You Know the Economy is in a Slump When...

2009-02-24T18:33:00.002-05:00

...a 4-pack of Cadbury eggs costs $3.49!!!

Seriously, has the world gone mad?

Yes, I'm Still Blogging about Disney World

2009-02-22T19:55:00.002-05:00

After our first rainy day in the World, we had plans to hit up Animal Kingdom on Tuesday. AK is the only one of the four parks that I had not yet been to, so I was looking forward to checking it out. We woke up early and had breakfast in the food court because the park is only open from 9:00 to 5:00, and, after eating, we caught a bus to the park.

We had lunch reservations at the Yak & Yeti restaurant at 12:30, and we arrived at the park around 10:00, so we had a few hours to ride the attractions before indulging in yet another huge meal. The first thing we did was head to the very back of the park to go on the safari. It was a fun ride -- basically like riding a truck through a zoo. We were lucky enough to see most of the animals -- giraffes, elephants, cheetahs, lots of things that looked like variations on a cow, ostriches, rhinos -- but none of them were really doing anything exciting. After the safari, we took a train over to Rafiki's Conservation area. I was attracted to it because of the brochure's promise of a petting zoo with exotic animals. When we arrived and headed to the petting zoo, I was disappointed to see mostly the typical sheep, goats, a few pigs, and a donkey. I petted a few goats and met Lily's proud goat cousin, but we quickly washed our hands and headed back on the train to the main Animal Kingdom area.

By the time we arrived in Asia, we had a little time to browse some shops and then head to the Yak & Yeti for lunch. After a short wait, we were seated and browsed the menu. The food was tasty, and we had a delicious mango pie, recommended by Lucille, for dessert.

Following our gluttonous lunch, we walked to Camp Minnie Mickey for the Festival of the Lion King show. I can't really figure out why they have this area of the park, as it really only houses the Lion King arena and nothing else. However, the show was awesome, so maybe it just plain deserves its own portion of the park. If you ever go to Animal Kingdom, do not miss this great piece of entertainment.

After the Festival of the Lion King, we went into the Tree of Life to see "It's Tough to Be a Bug," another typical Disney 3-D show. It was cute but nothing especially exciting. Then it was time for Dino World, or whatever they call the dinosaur-themed section of the park. We missed the Finding Nemo show we were trying to see, so we ended up in Hester and Chester's amusement park area -- basically a boardwalk-like place with midway games and a dinky rollercoaster. Guy and I used our gift card to purchase tickets to play carnival games because I can never pass up a test of skill (or luck). Our favorite game was called the Comet Crash, or something like that, and it was run by a Brazilian guy that I found to be hilarious. He handed colored wiffle balls to us and instructed Guy to "just throw the comet into the galaxy." Apparently the balls were the comets and the giant board in front of us with colored cups was the "galaxy." The aim was to land the ball in one of the colored cups to win a prize. I won once or twice, and Guy also won twice. Me, being the generous person that I am, gave my prizes to a few children in the area. Guy kept his and has them proudly displayed on his bookshelf here at home. :)

We then took our loot and went to ride Dinosaur -- a journey back into the Cretaceous period. I was a little nervous when I saw the motion-sickness warnings, accompanied by an elderly man throwing up into a trash can, on our way into the ride, but it wasn't that bad. It was basically just a jerky ride past a bunch of fake dinos in the dark. Fun, but not worth waiting a long time to ride.

The last thing we did before exiting the park was saw the Finding Nemo Musical. I have since fell in love with the production and downloaded some of the songs from iTunes. I hear they sometimes air it on the Discovery channel, and it's also on YouTube, so if you like good musical productions, definitely watch it. It has great music, great puppeteering, and great visuals in general.

At the conclusion of our Animal Kingdom day, I had made reservations at Jiko, the restaurant at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, so we took a bus to the hotel and put our name in to get our table. My overall impression of Jiko was that the service was super-slow, but otherwise it was a good experience. The food was different, but tasty, and they even delivered us warm towels to wash our hands with before the meal!

Guy had started to feel sick throughout the day at Animal Kingdom, so after dinner we headed back to the hotel and got to bed at a decent time. I was feeling bad that he didn't feel good, but little did I know that I'd soon catch his cold and have it become about ten times worse than what it was for him.

Hilarious!

2009-02-15T20:14:00.002-05:00

Haven't seen a video that made me laugh this much in a long time. You simply must check it out!

Boy after his dentist visit, still a little loopy

Day Three: Rain, Rain, Go Away

2009-02-15T19:59:00.003-05:00

The night/morning after the Super Bowl, Guy and I didn't get to sleep until around 2:30 at the earliest, so I was very happy I made the decision to return the rental car right after the game instead of having to get it back to the Dolphin in the morning. We took a nice 3-mile, 25-dollar cab ride back to the French Quarter and slept in until about 10:30 on Monday.

We missed breakfast at the food court, and we didn't have lunch scheduled at Hollywood Studios (formerly known as MGM), so we grabbed a quick meal at the food court before heading out. I had a taco salad that was quite delicious. Guy ate a quesadilla that I do believe I remember him saying was tasty. We laughed and laughed about the huge, scary men's heads hanging from the wall that Disney for some reason thought would be good decor. I wanted to take pictures of Guy imitating the men's expressions, but he told me he would get better at it throughout the week and that we should wait. Of course, I forgot to ever get the pictures, and I'm still mad at him for making me wait. You can see one of the men's heads to the far right in the picture below. The other head must be newer because I can't find a picture of it, but it was just as scary.
Anyway, after eating, we took a bus to Hollywood Studios and started our day. It was drizzling when we got to the park, and that turned into a full-on rainstorm shortly after we arrived. Good thing we had raincoats. We chose to ride Toy Story Mania first, and it ended up being our favorite ride of the day. The wait was 50 minutes, but luckily most of it was indoors. If you haven't seen this ride, here's a description of it. It all went by so quickly, but of course Guy, the video game master, beat my score by about double. I asked him how he got such a high score, and he told me he ONLY aimed for the targets with high point values instead of shooting at them all as fast as he could, like I did for my strategy. :)

After Toy Story, we did Muppets 3-D, which was a typical Disney 3-D show, but entertaining nonetheless, and then we rode Star Tours, which made me feel kinda yucky inside. I'm not good at things that simulate space travel, I suppose. After those two rides and a worthless walk through the Journey into Narnia "ride," it was time for lunch at Hollywood & Vine. I had pre-booked lunch at this buffet restaurant because it came with the reserved seating for Fantasmic!, our favorite show from our last Disney trip.

To our dismay, Hollywood & Vine's buffet food was really not very good, and by this time in the day, we were both soaked to the bone, despite our rain gear. We decided to head out and do a few more things and then make a decision on whether or not to skip Fantasmic.

After lunch, we sat through the Voyage of the Little Mermaid (eh), The Magic of Disney Animation, and the Great Movie Ride before deciding we were too cold and wet to wait around and see if Fantasmic would be cancelled or not. It turns out we made a good decision because we overheard a woman on the bus later in the trip saying they waited till 6:45 to announce the show would not go on.

We headed back to our hotel room, changed clothes, and decided to put our free 30 minutes of arcade time that came with our trip to use in the French Quarter arcade. To my dismay, they no longer had any games that offered tickets to accumulate and trade in for prizes, but I enjoyed about 20 games of basketball, a weird firefighting game, and a few other things before our 30 minutes were up.

All in all, day three was a good day. The weather was disappointing, but otherwise, it was a-okay.

Day Two (or The Day Jerod Would Love to Forget)

2009-02-10T19:52:00.002-05:00

On Sunday, February 1, the first morning of our trip, Guy and I awoke and decked ourselves out in Steelers gear to get ready for the big game. In order to make it from Orlando to Tampa, we had to follow a complicated route from the hotel to a theme park to a boat to a hotel to pick up our rental car, but before that, we fueled up with breakfast at Boatwright's, the table-service restaurant at Port Orleans Riverside.

I ordered scrambled eggs, bacon, and French toast, and Guy got something equally as breakfasty. It was good, except the eggs were a little watery, but the French toast was really great. It was actually deep-fried, which we all know makes things all the more tasty. Our waiter was a nice young man named "Michael" from "Bogota, Columbia," otherwise known as Joseph from Tennessee who forgot his name tag and was forced to wear someone else's. I'm glad we asked him why he had a Southern accent - otherwise we would have been permanently confused.

After breakfast, we eventually made it to the Alamo rental counter at the Dolphin hotel. We rented some sort of Pontiac clunker and headed on down to Tampa. We gave ourselves a lot of time to travel in case of traffic, but we ended up getting there without a hitch (minus a bathroom break for my coffee-loving husband), so we had TONS of time to kill once we arrived.

We found a spot in our prepaid Green parking lot, making sure to carefully note the location of where our car was (didn't actually do this -- oops). My extreme paranoia towards losing our $800 tickets led me to purchase two souvenir ticket holders from some dude on the sidewalk, and it ended up that we got scammed -- 30 feet down the road there was a guy selling them for $5 less apiece, but what's 10 bucks when you've already spent almost 2,000? With our tickets now safely around our necks, we entered through the security lines and went on for a short time to explore the NFL Experience.

There wasn't a ton to do there aside from taking pictures with beheaded NFL uniforms, so we bought a $7 hot dog, $8 cheeseburger, and $5 bottle of water and popped a squat on the curb until the stadium opened. We were definitely surprised and excited to see the ratio of Steelers fans to Cardinals fans outside the stadium, but once we got in, the Cardinals fans somehow seemed to appear out of nowhere (or maybe the red stadium seats were tricking my eyes).

Bridgestone provided us with some nice seat cushion souvenirs, and after more expensive food and more waiting, the game was finally about to begin! We befriended two older ladies sitting behind us who were from Moon, and the two ladies next to us, who were from Squirrel Hill.

Even though we were in the "cheap seats," our view was pretty good. We were sitting in row A, though, so we were right at the top of the stairs, and every time someone was returning to or leaving their seats, they seemed to want to stop right on the stairs, right in front of us. I almost fought a multitude of people that night trying to get them out of our way. I'm sure my big hulk of a husband would have backed me up, though, right, Guy? ;)

It was pretty exciting to be at the game, cheering on the Steelers, surrounded by tons of other Steeler fans, but I was also amazed at the number of people there who were wearing other teams' NFL jerseys or not wearing any kind of sports apparel at all. Why would you spend that much money to go to the game when you don't even care about the outcome? I guess that helps to explain why they were in and out of their seats so much, but jeez.

I won't go into the highlights of the game because that's all history, but I will say that I'm happy I was there for history being made. I can't wait to watch the game on DVD and hear what the announcers were saying the whole time.

There's so much more to say about the halftime show, being accosted by "Holy Rollers" after leaving the stadium, and sleeping in the parking garage till traffic died down, but this is a novel already, so I'll just let the pictures say the rest.

Clicky

Day Three still to come.

Chroni-what-cles of Disney World

2009-02-10T18:02:00.002-05:00

I returned this past Saturday from a tumultuous yet lovely trip to the House of the Mouse -- Mickey Mouse. I would have liked to chronicle my trip a bit earlier, but I'm still making a recovery from the horrendous chest cold I picked up thanks to the thousands of germy mouse-seekers I encountered every day.

We departed for our trip on Jan. 31 after dropping off Lily and Lola to Camp Bow Wow, where they would reside for the first half of our time away. Thanks to Carol Drum taxi service, we arrived at the airport super early and even had time to watch an episode of House on Guy's laptop before the flight. I am normally a nervous flyer, but I wasn't too bad this time. It helped that we were in the "A" boarding group, so we were able to get a good choice of seats within five rows of the exit, like I read was safest. :) Also, the flight attendants were really fun and helped to pass the time.

I had never flown on Southwest before, so I wasn't sure if this was standard, but our flight started off with a "snack race" to predict the winner of the Super Bowl. John, the male flight attendant, announced that the Steelers would be represented by the blue bag of peanuts and the Cardinals would be the red bag of pretzels. He would set both snacks down in the aisle, and upon takeoff, whichever slid to the back of the plane first was the winner. We were all gearing up for the race, and then we heard one of the ladies say, "Oooh, I found something yellow!" and then John comes back on the P.A. System and says, "Okay, the Steelers are now a pack of Lorna Doones!" Guy and I thought that was just hilarious. Neither snack really moved much on takeoff, surprisingly, but it was a fun idea. We also played sports trivia, "find the item in your purse," and even gambled by entering dollar bills with our seat numbers written on them into a plane-wide raffle for the whole shebang. Upon deboarding, one of the ladies even sang us a pleasant song she called "Peanuts" to the tune of "Fever." It was definitely the most memorable flight I've had!

When we arrived in Orlando, the weather was sunny but chilly, and we decided to get checked in at the hotel and take a nap before going to the park for our dinner that evening. I napped just a little too long and made it difficult for us to make it to our reserved time at Cinderella's Royal Table at 6:30 (we didn't realize how slow the transportation system would be), but we made it and waited about 15 minutes to be seated anyway.

Inside the castle, it was basically just a normal restaurant atmosphere with lots of screaming children, topped off by plastic swords and wands being flung all over the place (waiters were giving them out to the "princesses" and "pirates" at the tables). Our food was delicious, and we ended our mealtime with a performance by the Fairy Godmother. It was a good start to our first night on vacation. Our meal was over right around the time of Wishes, the fireworks presentation in the Magic Kingdom, but we were stuck smack-dab in front of the castle because we had just come out of it after eating dinner, so we couldn't see much at all. Still, though, we enjoyed the atmosphere and headed back to our hotel to get some shuteye before the big game the next day!

More on Day Two later.

This Really Grinds Guy's Gears

2009-01-26T21:48:00.002-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090127/tv_nm/us_dtv_congress

Finally!

2009-01-22T19:36:00.002-05:00

The Steelers are going to the Super Bowl in Tampa...and so am I! Guy's uncle Lou came through big with a cousin who was willing to sell us tickets at face value, and I can't be more excited!

The parking pass is purchased, the rental car is reserved, Guy has a brand-new Polamalu jersey, and I'm picking up our tickets on Saturday afternoon. Although I cancelled our Segway tour and our spa day at Disney to recoup some of the ticket price, I think it's a fair trade.

Now we just need to bring home a win! GO STEELERS!

How the Red Ring of Death Can Work For You!

2009-01-21T19:54:00.003-05:00

After taking a long winter's nap this afternoon, I came into my office, and Guy yelled down from the loft, "The worst thing in the world has happened." No, no one died, and a tsunami didn't obliterate Bethel Park -- his XBox 360 got the red ring of death.

After convincing him to call Best Buy instead of speculating on what they would do by reading forums on the Internet, Guy found out that because his parents had purchased the replacement plan when they gifted him the XBox last Christmas, Best Buy would give him a brand-new one and remove his old hard drive so that none of his information would be lost.

So, needless to say, we ventured out to the local Best Buy, XBox in hand, and headed over to customer service. The girl there was very helpful, as she has probably gone through this procedure many, many times. After some initial trouble with the receipt, Guy was given his new XBox, complete with two free games (Kung Fu Panda and Lego Indiana Jones), and a gift card loaded with approximately $530 to purchase the new machine on. Here's where the bonus came in -- not only did he get two new games that he's never played before, but the price of the XBox has gone down since his parents purchased it a year ago, so he was credited what they paid for it but charged the current price, thus leaving us with a surplus on the gift card. We were able to buy two sets of headphones and a headphone splitter for our upcoming vacation with the leftover cash.

So, if your XBox decides to malfunction, don't despair! If you have the replacement plan, you could actually come out ahead. I know we did!

Doctor Dread

2009-01-20T20:22:00.003-05:00

Why is it that I dread going to doctors so much? I have an appointment for an eye exam tomorrow morning, and even though I know it will be relatively quick and painless, I'm still dreading the visit. Spring is the time of year, too, where all of my many doctors' appointments come due, so I'm going to be running the gauntlet of MDs in the next month or so.

I'm guessing this type of dread is common, but I wonder why it exists. Is it because we're afraid of finding out we've got a brain tumor and have two weeks to live? Maybe. Is it because it's no fun being poked and prodded and asked personal questions? Probably. But why, after years of experience and non-eventful appointments, can't I get over the pre-doctor-visit blues?

My Grand Idea

2009-01-20T09:09:00.001-05:00

So, after a few days/weeks of lamenting because I didn't think there was any way of getting my hands on affordable Super Bowl tickets, I got a call/e-mail last night from Guy's uncle, who put a ray of hope into my life. He has a cousin who got chosen in the season-ticket-holders lottery for two tickets, and his cousin will sell them to us at face value as long as one other person he offered them to decides he doesn't want to go.

So, I'd say there's about a 75% chance we will make it to Super Bowl XLIII! The only things that stink about the situation are these:
1. The tickets are still $800 apiece -- a fact that makes my penny-pinching husband turn green.
2. Thinking that there was no way we'd get tickets and wanting something fun to do for the Bowl, I bought us tickets to an all-you-can-eat-and-drink buffet at an Orlando sports bar. The tickets were $50 each and nonrefundable. I'm trying to sell them on craigslist, but I don't know if I'll be successful.
3. We have to figure out how to get to Tampa, get a parking pass, and cancel some of our Disney dining reservations for the second day of our trip -- basically it throws a wrench in our plans, but I suppose it's a good wrench. It's just that for someone like me, who wants to have everything planned weeks in advance, it's difficult to wait and see what happens.

I should know later in the week if we have the tickets or not.

In the meantime, I had an idea of how to raise some money for the tickets. I often have ideas that other people think are dumb or unrealistic, but I'll share this one just to see if anyone has any tips on how to pull it off. I thought if we go to the game, I could somehow see if any Tampa-area businesses want to buy advertising space on the t-shirt that I'll wear. I'll just get something printed online with a Steelers logo and then the name/phone number/slogan of the company(ies) on the back. I feel like it's a good deal for the company -- the shirt will likely be seen by hundreds or thousands of people. I just don't know how to get the word out to companies that I want to do this, and I also don't know if I can get a shirt made in time.

Any thoughts/tips/opinions? Am I retarded for even wanting to try it?

Super Bowl Sale

2009-01-13T09:25:00.002-05:00

I'm selling a bunch of things to try to raise money towards Super Bowl tickets. Here's a list of what I've got. I'll be adding more soon. If you're interested in anything or want more details, please let me know.

*Set of four stacking white Yaffa blocks with three drawers - $15

*Men's size large North Face jacket and inner fleece shell, one pocket does not zipper - $20

*Huge lot of brand-new scrapbooking supplies - $60

*Catchphrase Musical Edition - $5

People Amaze Me

2009-01-07T19:51:00.003-05:00

During the summer and this past fall, I worked at a lot of event promotions. If I haven't told you about those jobs, it basically consists of going to a concert or a convention and representing a company, passing out samples, etc. It's really easy, and it pays well. The one thing I learned, though, from working at these types of events is how incredibly greedy and cheap people are. If you are giving away something for free, they think EVERYTHING at the booth is free. In one instance, I worked at the Pet Expo downtown representing a dog-food company. We had small bags of samples to give out, but we also had large bags of food on display, as well as bags of treats. By the end of the weekend, probably half of the large bags and treats had walked away when we weren't looking. I would never, ever take something without asking first, and I certainly wouldn't assume that a 20-pound bag of food is free, especially when there were other booths at the event that were purely selling things, not giving anything away.

The reason I thought of this topic today is because I am helping my mom to sell her junky car on craigslist. I posted the ad, asking $250 for the car. It runs but can't pass inspection without work. I got an overwhelming response of probably over 30 e-mails, but it amazes me the stipulations people have when they're making an offer. Here are a few examples:

*I can give you $35 for the car. I only take them for scrap. I can pick it up tomorrow. If you don't get what you want for it.

Not only does this guy not understand the meaning of "sentence fragment," but $35 for something listed for $250?? How much gall do you have to offer that?

*I might be interested in the car but would want to have my mechanic look at it first. If needed, could you get it to

Biber's Garage
1250 McKee Rd
Oakdale, PA 15071

I can come out at 4 PM on a weekday to view the car first.

Yeah, like I'm going to take the car all the way to Oakdale to get it to this guy's mechanic so he can look at it first. Don't think so!! It's not like I'm selling a car worth thousands of dollars here. I'm talking $250. You don't get first-class service with that low of a price.

There were a few other oddball requests and offers, but I think this is one reason parents need to teach their children to NOT ask for anything their little hearts desire. Sure, if you don't ask, you will never know, but have at least a little bit of tact when you're making your requests.

He So Funny

2009-01-06T17:34:00.002-05:00

In college, I used to entertain/drive my friends crazy with stories of funny things Guy said or did. I can't help it -- I just think my husband is hilarious. Since I no longer live with two girls who I can share these stories with, I will use my blog instead. Here's what just transpired a few moments ago:

Me: Are you ever going to wash those? (Points to a sweater and a collared shirt that have been dirty since Guy committed a party foul at our Christmas party a few weeks ago)

Guy: I don't think you can wash sweaters.

Me: Well, what does the tag say?

Guy: It says, "throw away when dirty."
(He reads the tag)
"Machine wash warm, reshape and lay flat to dry."

Me: See? You can wash it.

Guy: Yeah, but it has to be washed warm!

(I think by emphasizing that it had to be washed at a particular temperature, it made him somehow feel like he had 'won' the conversation.)

In other news, we're going to Disney in 3 1/2 weeks, and I am super excited. My main worry is that we'll have bad weather in Pittsburgh and have our flight delayed our something along those lines. We have plans to eat at Cinderella's Royal Table the night we get in, so we can't be late! If you'd like to know what else is on our itinerary, just ask -- I'd be happy to share. :)

My Ever-Loving Husband

2008-12-28T01:00:00.002-05:00

What you are about to read is a true story. It will give you a glimpse into my marriage and why I think Guy and I should have our own reality show, but if you're squeamish or afraid of TMI, do not -- I repeat, do not -- read on.

So, it's 1:00 a.m. in the Tarbert household. I have just gotten home from work, eaten a salad, and changed into pajamas to get ready for a long winter's nap. Guy returned home soon after I did from a poker game at the house of the Indian. He was standing in the doorway of my "office," wearing his new "men's sleep shorts" that I got him for Christmas. I decided to teach him a lesson and smack his butt as I walked into the room. Being the tit-for-tat kind of guy that he is, Guy smacked my butt right back. Here is the short conversation that followed:

Me: Guy, I don't have a nice butt like yours, so you're not allowed to smack mine.

Guy: Well, then get a nice butt.

Me: I can't. It's called ge-ne-tics. (said with much attitude and bitterness).

Guy: It's called pi-la-tes.

And there you have it, folks -- reason number 2,354 for my extremely high (read "extremely low) self-esteem. Anybody looking for a husband?

Adding to the List

2008-12-25T00:24:00.002-05:00

"Weapons, Ammo, Pants Seized at Plaxico Burress' Home"

Merry Christmas, one and all!

An Italian Evening

2008-12-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

A new restaurant opened in Peters in the end of October, so tonight Guy and I decided to check it out. Here's what I thought of Franco's Trattoria.

Appetizers ( Or First Impressions):
When we walked in the door, I got an immediate whiff of seafood. Now, this is an Italian restaurant with quite a selection of fishy items on the menu, but to have that be the first odor we were overwhelmed with was a little off-putting.

The decor was very nice -- all cool blues and grays with dark wood tables and accents on the walls. It definitely made me feel like I was in a classy place.

We put our name in for a table for two and were told there would be a 20-to-30-minute wait.

The Main Course:
After a mere 10 minutes or so, we were led to an intimate (and by intimate I mean super-tiny) table in the middle of the dining room. While at first glance it seemed fine, as the meal progressed, I grew to hate our seating arrangement. The dining room was arranged with a bench seating along one wall with tables and chairs, then 4-person tables along the other wall, and an awkard column of 2-tops running right through the middle. Not only was there nowhere to set my purse or coat that wouldn't be in someone's way, but if I jutted my elbow out just a tad too far, I got slammed into by passersby (none of whom apologized or even stopped to take notice -- they must be used to it). Not only was the placing of the table poor, but it was way too small for dining in an Italian restaurant. There was barely enough room for the bread basket, let alone a candle, parmesan-cheese cup, and water glasses. But since I work in a restaurant and know the nuisance it is when people ask to switch tables, I decided to grin and bear it.

On to the food -- after Guy stopped flipping out because he couldn't understand the menu (the headings were in Italian), we ordered the fried zucchini appetizer. It was a hearty portion for seven dollars and was fried nicely without being overly greasy. My only complaint was that it was a little salty, but overall it was decent. For my main course, I ordered a bowl of minestrone soup and a Julianna salad. The minestrone soup surprised me by being chicken-based, but it was tasty nonetheless. For a $3 bowl of soup, it was a good size despite the fact that its lack of hearty ingredients (it consisted mainly of broth, carrots, potatoes, and cabbage) left me wanting more. The salad was the best part of my meal -- spring greens, feta cheese, red onions, pine nuts, and tomatoes topped with balsamic vinaigrette. Nothing new or extremely different, but still tasty. Guy ordered the meat ravioli with tomato cream sauce. I didn't get to taste it, so I can't comment on the quality, but one thing that struck me was the extremely small portion size for a $15 meal at an Italian place. Usually it's inevitable that you'll need a to-go box from the Olive Garden and Pasta Too. Not so at Franco's.

We chose not to even look at the dessert menu since neither of us were very hungry anymore, so after our meals it was time to wait for our waitress to return with our check. It took her what felt like an excruciatingly long time, but eventually we made it out with a grand total of $34 plus tip. Not too shabby.

Dessert (Or Final Thoughts):

I love the look of Franco's, and it's obviously popular with the townies so far, but the service wasn't excellent and for the prices, I think I'd rather get more for my money. I'd recommend checking it out at least once, but I don't think we'll be becoming regulars there anytime soon.

Feeble Memory

2008-12-08T20:01:00.002-05:00

I've been going through the process of ripping all of my old mix CDs onto iTunes so I can reminisce on my iPod. I came across a song that, although I remember the tune and can sing along with a lot of the words, I have no idea who is singing it. I think it's one of my old friend's bands or something along those lines -- probably not something that was from a Billboard hit single, but I just can't place it.

If someone can tell me how to post music on my blog, I will gladly upload it and let you have a listen.

Another One

2008-12-07T15:29:00.000-05:00

"Giant Potato is Potential World Record-holder."

'Nuf said

Oh, Headline Writers...

2008-12-04T22:15:00.002-05:00

What will you think of next?

I always have a great time reading the headlines on Yahoo! news (my homepage). Here are some of my latest favorites:

"Woman swept to sea during proposal on Oregon coast"

"Strangers May Cheer You Up, Study Says"

"Ryan Seacrest Bit By Shark" (Yeah, that's an old one, but it doesn't get any less funny with time)

And if you haven't seen this, you should -- it's one of my favorite bits by Jon Stewart about the use of the question mark in headlines...

The Great Hair Debate

2008-12-02T08:03:00.005-05:00

I have an appointment for a haircut on Saturday, and I really have an urge to get a little more than "just a trim." I've been trying to grow my hair long for some time now, but I'm getting tired of waiting for it to grow and also caring for long hair. It takes longer to wash, to dry, and it doesn't even really look all that great. So I've been searching for pictures of short hair that I like, and here's what I've come up with:

Short:

Shorter:

Shortest:

I like Katie Holmes' 'do, but I feel like I've had things close to that before. The last one is cool but it's definitely drastic. Or, maybe I should just resist this urge and continue on my journey to long hair. Any opinions?

For the Love of Twilight

2008-11-24T11:54:00.002-05:00

I didn't wait in line for hours to see a midnight showing, but I did make it out this past Saturday afternoon to see a matinee of the long-awaited "Twilight" movie. When I left the theater, I have to say, I had a feeling of bliss. Despite the teenagers a few rows behind us giggling at inappropriate moments and the loud voicing of "That movie totally sucked" from a few other audience members, I felt totally pleased with seeing one of my favorite books acted out on the big screen. Maybe it's because I went into it with low expectations. Every trailer I watched left me feeling like Kristen Stewart was going to fulfill the part of Bella quite terribly, but she did much better than I thought she would. I was still bothered by some of her unnatural stuttering at times, but other than that, I think she was quite all right. I also just loved seeing my favorite vampire family become real, despite their terrible blonde dye jobs and sometimes overdone pale makeup. Aside from Rosalie, who I felt should have been more goddess-like, I absolutely loved the casting for all of the Cullens, and I can't wait to see more of them in the upcoming movies. Casting also hit high marks with Billy Burke as Charlie and Anna Kendrick as Jessica. In fact, all of the extras really captured the essence of high school, in my opinion.

Then that brings me to Robert Pattinson. Though I have to wonder how a human being can look so friggin' great in a movie and so sleezy in real life, I really loved Edward in the movie. I thought his English accent made his lines come out a little funny in some places, but otherwise, I really believed his emotions and his feelings -- much more so than with Kristen Stewart's portrayal of Bella. I really can't imagine a more perfect Edward.

My only big critique of the movie is regarding the sparkling scene in the meadow. It seems to be the popular consensus that Edward was nowhere near sparkly enough, but maybe that will be improved with a higher budget in the second film.

I would highly recommend seeing Twilight, but I think it will be much more enjoyable if you've read the book, or even the whole series, first. Now I just have to sit back and wait until New Moon comes out!

Just a Little Shared Story

2008-11-19T07:23:00.002-05:00

Guy just e-mailed me this story from work, and I thought it was funny, so I'll share.

"So, get this: I bought a pack of Pop Tarts from the vending machine using one of my "break bucks" ($1 certificates they gave to all of us when we moved here). After I punched in my order, the machine started beeping and then just said "WINNER!!!" It then proceeded to dispense not one, but two packs of Pop Tarts, and then spit out a Sacajawea dollar coin in the coin return!"

How cool is that? I wish all vending machines gave out Sacajawea dollars.

In other news, Guy and I are planning a return trip to Disney World in the end of January. I really wanted to go on a nice vacation together since our honeymoon kind of sucked, and there was a lot we didn't get to do last time we went to Disney, so I'm looking forward to going back. We'll actually be there for the Super Bowl, so that could be bad if the Steelers make it, but otherwise it should be a grand old time. So far we have dinner reservations at Citrico's, California Grill, Cinderella's Royal Table, The Spirit of Aloha Dinner Show, Hollywood & Vine for the Fantastmic! package, and Jiko. We are staying at the Port Orleans French Quarter resort. If you have any suggestions of what to do, let us know!

Halloween '08

2008-11-02T20:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, November 1st, Guy and I went to a belated Halloween party at the home of his coworker Kevin and wife Steph. It was a fun party, where we won the prize for Best Overall Costume and I played my first ever drinking game...with water. Yes, everyone was forced to play flip cup, which I found out I'm not so bad at, but I wasn't going to play with alcohol, so me and some of the other girls just filled our cups with water (or just pretended to chug air when the water ran out). Though our team lost, we had great team spirit and it was a good time. I also ate lots of good food and saw Guy's "boss"'s white pillars of man meat (how Jerod refers to his legs).

Here are some pictures if you're interested in seeing some of the good times that were had by all.

Halloween '08

Overkill

2008-11-02T19:58:00.002-05:00

I cannot wait until Tuesday night at 8:00. Why? Because the polls will be closed. Even if the election takes a while to be decided, even if we end up with more hanging chads, at least this will end the swarms of McCain/Palin supporters calling our house four times a day and knocking on our door. The worst part is that Guy and I are already planning on voting for McCain. We don't need to be convinced! The Republican National Committee should really be spending their time and energy elsewhere. We literally received at least three prerecorded phone calls today, which we let go to the answering machine. We received a fourth call a little while ago, and it was a real person, so I decided to answer and tell her that we're already voting for the Republican candidates. She said she was "so happy to hear that," so at least I made someone happy in the process. We also had a few old ladies come ring our doorbell yesterday at 10:00 a.m. We didn't answer, so they went down the street and rang our doorbell again. We didn't answer this time either, so they just left us a pamphlet on the door handle. Not only are these kinds of tactics annoying, but I really think they're ineffective. Even if I wasn't sure who I was going to vote for, I doubt a phone call or a pamphlet would convince me one way or the other.

So...48 hours and counting...

Remedy

2008-11-02T19:57:00.002-05:00

Good news: I eventually got a call back from the supervisor at Cash4Books, and he told me that they would be sending the book back to me at their cost. I received an e-mail with a tracking number and shipping confirmation, so I should be receiving it soon. Although the whole situation seemed like one of those things a supervisor does to just smooth things over, even though he didn't really agree with me, that's fine. I've upgraded Cash4Books from my "do not do business with" list to my "consider doing business with if necessary" list.

Cash4Books: Not Such a Great Deal

2008-10-28T15:59:00.003-05:00

I recently discovered cash4books.net after reading a magazine article in Woman's Day, I believe. The premise of the website is basically what the url says -- they pay you cash for your books. You can enter ISBN numbers on their website, and they tell you how much, if anything, they'll pay for what you've got. Then you print out a shipping label, send the books away, and when they're processed, you get a PayPal payment. Sounds great, right? Wrong.

I recently sold a few of Guy's old textbooks to the website. My first frustration came after I got a purchase order from Half.com for one of the textbooks that I had listed but given up on. Someone was buying it for $15, and I only got 4.40 from Cash4Books. Granted, that's my fault, not theirs.

However, I got an e-mail today telling me that I had received my payment of...2.40 from Cash4Books. $2.40? That didn't seem right. I logged in to my account and saw that they deducted 100% of what they said they were going to pay me for one of the books because its accompanying CD was opened. Apparently it was a one-time use CD, and Guy had opened it but never used it. I was upset, so I called their toll-free number to complain. When I talked to the woman, she said that it's in their terms and conditions that one-time use CDs cannot be opened. I looked at their terms and conditions, and all that's there is something that says they do not purchase any materials with one-time use accompaniments. So, I asked, "Why did they offer me money for it if it says they don't purchase them at all?" Her response was, "Well, it says that, but sometimes we purchase them. We just prefer not to." Okay, fine, but still, nowhere did it tell me that the CD was not allowed to be opened. They will only ship it back to me at my own expense, too. It got to the point with the phone girl that she told me she'd have her supervisor call me when she got out of a "meeting." Needless to say, I'm still waiting for that phone call, but I will never use Cash4Books again. I know it's only 4.40, but it's really the principle of the matter that bothers me. How do I know they're not going to sell the book anyway, even though they didn't pay me for it? Frustrating! Annoying! Nuisance!

Moral: Do not use cash4books.net...ever!

A Must-Read

2008-10-21T06:47:00.003-05:00

I've worked as a server at a restaurant now since April, and one of the most frustrating things is the way people tip. I found this article about tipping etiquette, so please, please, please read it and follow suit.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/dear-ba-foodist-can-you-set-me-straight-on-tipping-285553/

And I'll add one of my own suggestions -- don't go out to eat at an expensive restaurant if you can't afford to tip properly. If you get a $100 check and figure that you've already spent too much on dinner, it's not fair to gyp the server by giving a $10 tip. Just sayin'.

Vampire Love

2008-10-21T06:17:00.003-05:00

I recently finished reading the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I'm not sure why I didn't read these books sooner, but I really loved them. Although the writing style can be a little bit simplistic, the story was really great and I might...just might...read them again. (I never read books twice). I'm currently forcing Guy to read them so I can have someone to talk to them about because it's lonely when you're in a fictional world by yourself. There's also a movie coming out on November 21, if you haven't seen trailers for it.

If you want to see the trailer, go here.

And if you want to read the books, go to your local library!

Messy Me

2008-09-25T19:03:00.000-05:00

I've always been somewhat of a slob, especially when eating. For instance, at our wedding, while eating dinner, I realized I was wiping my hands on my wedding dress instead of the napkin I thought I had put on my lap.

Last night, I spent 15 minutes or so outside, talking to my neighbor while our dogs ran around together. I came back inside and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed that there was a piece of macaroni & cheese literally stuck to my shirt. I ate Pokemon shaped mac & cheese for dinner, so it had been there for a while. How embarrassing.

Another Craigslist Gem

2008-09-15T18:40:00.002-05:00

Saw this in the "wanted" section of craigslist:

--Yes, believe it or not, I'm looking for used porn magazines. Will pay cash $0.25 each for fair condition magazines. Pages must not be stuck together and front and back cover must be intact. If you have stacks of old magazines you want to get rid of, let me know... You could get money from them.

Not interested in any illegal porn or magazines from foreign countries (must be English) I may also be interested in used perfect 10 magazines in good condition.--

Now I have truly seen it all.

I'm Just Sayin'...

2008-09-12T18:43:00.001-05:00

I saw this post on craigslist and thought it was worth reposting. I"ll let you guess which line is my favorite:

Here is the deal, you give me the name of the person, and assist in the prosecution of this scum bag. I hand you 1000.00 in cash.

On Saturday, Sept. 6th of this year, this jerk broke into my barn and stole 1 trail saddle. It is a TexTan medium brown basket weave, with a rough out seat, it has a 16 inch seat, and is used and broken in.
The saddle is not worth the 1000.00 reward I am offering, I would assume he sold it for around 400.00. Take the Grand and go buy a nice saddle, I would like to get this saddle returned, not because it has great sentimental value or anything like it. It just fits my wife's ass like a glove. More importantly, I want this dickhead exposed for what he really is. Yes I know who took it, I just need to prove it. Please call 724-593-8215 or email me at alldadsmoney@aol.com. I can very easily identify the saddle
The saddle is more than likely still in the Westmoreland county area

Framed

2008-08-28T19:26:00.002-05:00

I just got a very interesting phone call from my mom, who just got an interesting phone call from some nutjob woman who is convinced that I hit her while she was riding her motorcycle last night. Here's the story:

Apparently this woman, who I will call Mrs. X, was riding her motorcycle last night when a girl in a Chevy hit her somehow. They exchanged information, but the idiot woman lost it and decided to go browsing through the phone book looking for the perpetrator. For whatever reason, she remembered that the girl's last name was supposedly Rigatti and that she had graduated from Peters in '01 with her son. So Mrs. X looked through her son's yearbook, found me (since I was the only Rigatti in my grade) and then looked up my mom in the phone book to call her and accuse me of hitting her. There are just a few problems with this story:
1. I don't drive a Chevy.
2. I was at home last night at 9:30 when the accident supposedly happened. Thank goodness Guy was here to give me an alibi!
3. The girl had twins in the backseat of her car. As you can probably tell from my perfect figure, I obviously haven't had children, let alone twins. Okay, maybe I don't have a perfect figure, but I still don't have any kids.
4. The girl had Progressive insurance. I have State Farm.
5. The insurance was in the girl's dad's name -- Ray. My dad's name is Joe and he's been dead for 9 years.

My mom said the woman was getting upset with her over the phone, acting like my mom was just trying to protect her daughter and it really was me that hit her. She also claimed that the girl who hit her looked "exactly" like my picture in the yearbook. It obviously wasn't me, and I know it wasn't me, but it really bothers me that someone would have the gall to accuse me of something and call and bother my mom about it just because she's too stupid to keep track of important information like that. I really hope I get to hear the end of the story and find out who actually hit the woman and if I have a bizarro twin out there, but for now, that's all she wrote.

New Blogging Venture

2008-08-28T10:27:00.001-05:00

I've started a new blog called The Dog Blog. Check it out.

Noteworthy Blogs

2008-08-18T18:38:00.002-05:00

I've recently come upon a few very funny blogs dedicated to specific topics. One is called Cake Wrecks and has posts with -- you guessed it -- pictures and entries about terrible-looking cakes. The other is a blog about the unnecessary use of quotation marks that plagues society today. They're both good for a laugh. Check 'em out.

Cake Wrecks

The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotations

Celebrity Babble

2008-08-14T20:54:00.002-05:00

Some may call it invasive and obnoxious. Others may call it our right as fans. Whatever they call it, though, I can't help but enjoy the guilty pleasure of celebrity gossip. I fall right into Yahoo!'s trap every day when they post links with tantalizing headlines like "Morgan Freeman in terrible car accident. Kelsey Grammar hospitalized. Ryan Seacrest bitten by a shark." I can't help but to click and get the scoop. Just today, I encountered two interesting tidbits of celebrity gossip -- one rather infuriating and one thought-provoking (as far as light-hearted trash can provoke thoughts, anyway).

The first was an article about Jennifer Love-Hewitt and her new, slim self. Apparently little miss "I am proud of my big booty that was photographed at the beach last summer" has lost 18 pounds. Normally this would be just another drop in the celebrity-weight-loss bucket, but it annoys me because of the big to-do after paparazzi and vicious Americans in general criticized Jennifer for being chunky when photos of her in a teeny bikini popped up last year at about this time. Granted, her butt did look kind of big -- at least compared to the waifs we're used to seeing in US Weekly. But sizes or perceived sizes of rear-ends aside, she responded to the criticism with a lot of dignity and stated that she loves her body, the photos were at bad angles, etc. Normal girls everywhere stood up and cheered for a celebrity that wasn't afraid to be labeled as having some meat on her bones. And now, a year later, we find out that she has gone and lost 18 pounds. Sure, she has a right to change her body if she'd like to, but if she was truly happy and unaffected by the negative comments made last year, why the need for such a drastic change? It reminds me of when Jessica Simpson's little sister (She Who Shall Not Be Named) preached to girls about self-acceptance, confidence, and the like, and then went and got a nose job. Must everyone succumb to the pressure of Hollywood?

The second article I found was one that showed pictures of celebrities and their twin siblings. Did you know that Jeremy London has a twin brother? Neither did I, but I also didn't know who Jeremy London was until I saw that article. Someone I did recognize, though, was Scarlett Johannsenn. She's got a taller and much less busty twin brother. The last person the article mentioned was Ashton Kutcher. Not only does he have a not-so-easy-on-the-eyes twin brother, but his twin brother also has cerebral palsy! Talk about getting the short end of the stick. That genetic gyp rivals the one with the set of twins on Little People, Big World, where one twin is normal-sized and the other is a little person. I only hope Ashton shares some of his riches with his brother...and that Jeremy helps Zak get something down from the tall shelf every once in a while.

Funniest Game Show Moments

2008-08-14T19:30:00.002-05:00

Back in college, I was lucky enough to tune in to a show called Funniest Game Show moments. It had all kinds of bloopers and funny moments from, well, game shows. Ever since then, I've enjoyed going on YouTube to watch compilations of even more of these moments. If you're bored, just go to Youtube and type in "stupid game show answers" and you should come up with quite a few good results. If you don't want to watch them, though, here are some of my favorite answers, mostly from Family Feud.

-Name a body part that people have only one of.
-Big toe.

-Name something made of wool.
-A sheep.

-Name a reason for kneeling.
-To be beheaded.

-Name a slang term that means "wife."
-Bitch

-Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony.
-A horse.

-Something you squeeze.
-Peanut butter.

There are soooo many hilarious game show moments out there. My favorite part is the look on the person's face when they realize what a dumb answer they just gave. Priceless!

Saving the Environment, One Bag at a Time

2008-08-10T19:32:00.002-05:00

About six months ago, I discovered the wonder that is Freecycle. For those of you that are out of the loop, Freecycle is a Yahoo! group where members post offers and wanted ads for things that they have to give away or things that they'd like to receive, respectively. Everything is free, with the idea of keeping things out of landfills that still have some use left in them. I've always been the type to enjoy getting rid of things I don't use by way of garage sales, eBay, craigslist, and other moneymaking ventures, but I definitely have a lot of things that people wouldn't necessarily want to pay for but could still get some enjoyment from. Just today, I gave away the dress from my senior prom (with its matching wrap and purse), an old Chupa-Chup tin bank, a bar of unopened breast-cancer-awareness soap, and a VHS tape of Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. The dress and accessories are going to a little girl who likes to play dress-up, and I have no idea what the other things are going to be used for, nor do I care. The exciting part for me is emptying out boxes and making room in my closets!

If you haven't checked out Freecycle in your city, I would highly recommend it. Like they always say...one man's trash is another man's treasure!

Online Garage Sale

2008-07-21T18:48:00.006-05:00

Here are my latest items for sale. Contact me with any questions.

Red formal dress - size 4, Bill Pesci Couture Collection, strapless, a-line - $25
Pale blue formal dress - size 12, tea length, strapless, tie around the waist - $20
Amanda Smith skirt suit - size 4, 5-button jacket and black skirt - $25

Black Banana Republic dress, simple shape with knot at bust - size XS - $10